If you need to talk about what you're going through, we're here to listen, talk, and hopefully help get you through it. So if you have something to let off your chest, we're here.
If you want someone to reach out, I know we're not professional help but we're willing to hear you guys out. I know I'm not much but feel free to pm me if any of you want someone to listen. We're all in this together, man.
I have been diagnosticated with Agoraphobia, this is basically "the fear of having fear". It's being scared by antecipation, even though nothing will happen. Mostly, people whom suffer with this are afraid of leaving home, even if it's just to go buy groceries. It's a variation of anxiety, but not a social one. I'm not afraid of people or public places, i love doing lectures and stuff like that on college... i'm just afraid of leaving home to go to those places. It's very associated with IBS (irritable bowel syndrome), the anxiety results into lots of stomach pain, nausea, and the needing of always having to go to the bathroom. I can't really enjoy eating oustide. So i'm mostly a person that doesn't experiment much stuff. I'm afraid of everything. I have to follow a very specific routine because getting out of that makes me sick. I'm in a treatment for 5 years now and i'm feeling better. I still can't travel, that's my kryptonite... just thinking about getting into a car/bus/plane for more than 1 hour will make me have panic attacks. The last long travel i made was in october 12 2012, to see LP live in Brazil. I got sick, almost gave up on the show when i was already there waiting for it to start. But i kept there and it was fucking worth it. But when travelling back to home i had some serious panic attacks inside the bus and it got me kind of traumatized. Well, i'm just saying that because i felt bad and i hadn't any idea of what it could possibly be for 19 years. I thought it was normal, or it was just normal anxiety for antecipation. But now i know it's something different and serious. So if someone feels the same and doesn't have a clue about what's happening, talk to me and i may be able to help because i feel it too.
Well I just feel like shit tbh. Since Thursday I can barely eat although I normally eat the whole day because food is everything I cried so much yesterday and I thought today it might be better but it's just 2 steps forward and 3 steps back. I'm so scared of going to sleep and nights because then I'm alone with my thoughts. My mom nearly called me stupid and said that he wasn't a familymember so I should stop. I can't. Can't stop thinking. LP was my youth, my teenage years. It feels someone ripped out my heart. I just can't deal with it ATM.
Why does it still hurt so much? I feel like a fraud being this devastated by the death of someone I've never even met.
Hi Thanks for sharing, it's good that you're talking about it. I'm having trouble sleeping too and when I do fall asleep I dream of Chester for what feels like most of it. When I wake up he's the first person on my mind. It's still really fresh and I'm struggling to really process what has happened. I've been crying too when it hits me he's gone. Some people won't understand because they don't comprehend how much someone like Chester, who we may not personally know, has affected us. He was a big part of our lives and to a lot of us he was someone we looked up to and related to. Don't let anyone make you feel like how you're feeling isn't justified because it is. Chester being so happy and loving with fans made us feel like we knew him on a deeper level. We are all here for you and you can reach out to anyone on this site when you're feeling down or just need to talk. It's difficult right now but it WILL get better. It may take time but together, with Linkin Park and each other, we will get through this. Hello Don't ever feel like a fraud. It's understandable that someone we have looked up to and meant so much to us has passed away. It hurts so much. Listening to Chester and seeing him with fans made us all feel like we were a huge part of him like he was to us. It was definitely a shared love for each other and we will use that going forward. It will get better and how you feel is completely valid. Stay strong.
I'm so thankful for your answer you can't imagine. I'm sorry that so many of us are feeling the same but it also feels good, this feeling of not being alone I just wish I could turn back time and I have these thought of "last week this time he was alive and we all didn't know what's going to happen"... that's not healthy at all, I know. I just can't see myself happy in the future at my point of view from now.
I also want to say - sometimes it's hard for people to reach out, due to anxiety and other reasons, so if anyone needs help but can't put it into words, you can just like my post here and I will hit you up, so you won't have to.
I was working when my friend called me. I told her I couldn't listen to that right now and hung up the phone. I then checked fb, expecting a hoax. My fb was flooded with friends and family members posting the story to my newsfeed. I can't explain what I feel. Mostly sadness, sometimes anger. I was supposed to travel to denver next month to see them. The idea that the last time I saw them, 9 years ago, would be the last makes me sick. Sometimes I'm okay and I don't think about it but when I do it's like my chest is going to explode. I never thought this could happen and I feel like I lost my best friend. It's nice knowing I'm not alone, having you all. But in this tiny town in Missouri, I feel so alone. No one understands, nor do I expect them to. Linkin Park has been a major part of my life the last 16 years and I feel like I've lost that. I feel stupid for how upset I am but I can't help it. When does the pain stop? How long is the grieving process because right now I feel like it's never going to end.
Hey. Just know that none of that was in your control. The best thing to do in a situation like this is to open up and I applaud you for doing so. As you said, you are not alone in your thinking. You have people that care about you and we are here for your well being. Take it one step at a time and concern yourself with what you can control. What you can't, let it go. You will drive yourself crazy trying to over think and analyze and trying to control things you can't. If you need help getting your mind grounded back, do not hesitate to say something.
The great thing about technology nowadays is the ability to reach out to someone who is not in your immediate neighborhood. Although in this particular instance, we come up as words on a forum, know that there are real people behind these words who are always there to listen and to help you if you need it. Thank you for opening up. Also, you should never feel stupid about your feelings. Having feelings is an innate human trait. Never be ashamed at that.
There's no need to feel stupid, we all feel the same way too. I'm sorry that you feel alone, if you want to hang out, this forum is always welcome
Thank you. It still doesn't seem real, even though I have tears streaming down my face. It's such a weird feeling I can't explain. It's like I know, intellectually, that he's gone, but emotionally, I'm still in denial. Anyways, I'm so grateful for this forum. I've been lurking for years, but haven't made an account till now. It's comforting to know I'm not the only one going through this <3
Yes you're right and I should really stop thinking these thoughts. I really dunno cause everything is feeling so empty at the moment. I'm scared of being alone because then it hits me
Hey everyone. It was 1am on 21st July I'm India when I heard the news. And I haven't been able to eat or sleep since then. And I've been spending my time either listening to Linkin Park or watching whatever videos bloopers and interviews of Chester and the band that's there online. I've never seen Linkin Park play live. I've always wanted to. I just got accepted into a school in Germany and the first thought I had was I'm gonna finally see them live! (I'm from India and the band has never played here) I've been oscillating between tears and numb since I heard the news. People are gonna think I'm a lunatic for taking this so badly when I've never even met Chester! But I know his story and his voice and Linkin Park helped me through some of the worst times of my life. I guess part of the reason I got through that alive was because their music, and the pain in his voice told me I wasn't alone in my suffering. And I don't know what to do. I don't know how to grieve. I don't know how to get all these emotions out.
I implore you that when you do find you're alone, do what you need to to get yourself back on track, healthily, that is. Reach out to someone if that helps. Cry, hell, even ugly cry if that helps. Call someone. Text someone. write something. Create artwork, even if you feel you're not good at it. All of these things are productive ways to help cope. Never feel like you need to bottle it in. Make some kind of creative outlet for yourself. I know it's hard to do, but sometimes you have to push yourself to be in a better state mentally. Even if that means going to others to help you get there.
One of my coworkers said that I should write a letter to Chester. I dont think I will ever be over what happened, but the letter helped me. Now I dont know what to do with the letter. What do guys think I should do with it? Mail it? Burn it? I dont want to keep it. Thank you all.
Hey Deepti, you don't sound like a lunatic to me at all. Most of us haven't met Chester but he's pretty dear to us. It was my lifetime goal too to see them live one day so I relate to you. I'm from India too so if you need someone to reach out too, I'll be glad to help Congrats on getting into university, btw