Chester Bennington Support Thread - We're here for you

I think you're absolutely right, @Amanda - and I think we all really appreciate this heartfelt message (I certainly do). It reminds me of this article I read a couple of days ago - about how Chester taught us how to grieve, and to do so openly. He taught us to openly share our anguish and our suffering - life can be really full of it for so many of us. I think we are taught often to suppress those feelings, because so often we associate them with negativity. But as I've expressed several times during this thread, those feelings are what makes us human, and it is normal to feel them.

And I think you hit on a note that has come up often in this thread - some people don't really know why they felt so strongly about his passing, but you hit the nail on the head: we experienced so much with him. We sang his words, we saw his pain, and so often we laughed and smiled because of him too. All of that is a part of us - and for people like you and me, for instance, it was so much a part of us growing up. That music has been there through our best and worst times, so it sticks with us. So, for those of you who are feeling Chester's passing as strongly as we are, this is why.

So, thank you for this, Amanda. You are right again here: we will survive this with the strength he has taught us to have. And so many of you should turn to your courage to share what you are feeling right now and see that it is your strength that is showing. Rely on that strength to get you through, because whether you believe it or not, you are strong and you will get through. We all will - I promise.

Thank you, @Blake. We want everyone to know we are here for them. This community means so much to us, and we are going through this the same way you all are. The least we can do is help you all the best that we can.

Thank you for sharing that, Blake. "One More Light" will be the song in Linkin Park's career that likely sticks and will resonate with everybody - a song so overtly about the passing of a loved one. I am so sorry to hear about the passing of your friends. As time goes by, you are right that it does get better - but it never truly goes away. No loss or gap in life is filled. It is as if the heart and mind can grow, but can never readjust when something is taken. I lost my friend Trevor to suicide just under a couple of years ago, and as you've expressed, it still hurts. But it has gotten better, and I have been able to live my life. And I know that, if Trevor were here, he'd tell me to keep living my life and to do what I can for other people. That gives me strength, and it gives me comfort.

Time will go by with Chester's passing too, and surely enough we will look back on this and hurt. But much like we can look back upon a memory of grief and feel that grief, we can also look fondly upon happier memories and smile. That is life, that is human, and I think there's something beautiful about that. We think so often that it's something to be afraid of, but instead, it's something we should accept and embrace. It's what makes us all the same.

@Lynn, we know exactly how that goes. The mornings and nights are toughest with any tragic event in our lives. A couple of years ago during my Masters, I went through a pretty rough breakup with a girl who I had been with for three years - someone who I really loved. I woke up each morning, and within seconds, I would feel pain in my chest - that momentary realization that she was gone. I would go to my classes, study, all of that - and I would be fine. And then I'd come back to my room at night, and I would cry. Those moments of isolation are the only real moments we have sometimes, depending on where we are in life, to properly grieve. It can feel very two-faced and very up-and-down. So, I understand your pain - especially at those moments of the day. When we are left to ourselves, our emotions can become overwhelming, but I usually embrace that. I clearly needed to cry, and I never restrained that the moment I was alone.

I'm glad to hear you won't hurt yourself. I ask that if at any moment you feel the need to, please come here first. Message me, message somebody - we will help you through. Please keep sharing with us as you need to. We love you!

Absolutely @Doridorica - talking is a better option - and there are certainly other ways to grieve. Crying is truly okay, and sometimes doing something productive (like cleaning or grocery shopping, as I've brought up before) are excellent ways to take negative energy and do something good with it. Writing your thoughts down somewhere is also a great way to express yourself, especially if no one is around.

I'm sorry to hear about the passing of your uncle. I'm glad to hear that your life has returned to normalcy, but you express something that I think is also really important about the grieving process and about losing somebody - you will think of that person or those things everyday. I haven't stopped thinking about my friend Trevor (every single day), and I haven't stopped thinking about my ex-girlfriend Rachel (every single day). It's easy to read that and feel like torment, but it is just indicative of what that person meant to you. And of course, you naturally think of what you could have done to save somebody. "If only I were in the country, I could have convinced Trevor out of it," or, "If only I were with Rachel, I could have talked with her through it in person and maybe saved our relationship." These are very real, very trying thoughts. You have to accept that loss is part of the deal with anything and everything in life, and once you do that, you can appreciate who and what you have. Yes, you will remember them everyday, and you will be sad or angry for a moment - but good comes with the bad, and you can smile too at the things you remember.

I think I'm in the same place you are. I think it's because I listen to the band so often that when I listen to them now it's hard to fully accept that he is no longer alive. At the same time, and as I and others have expressed too, the music feels different. It sounds more anguished. There are songs that hit me in ways now that they never did before, and I notice this a lot as I go through their discography, but it's helping. And I don't think you should feel guilty for feeling better - it means you are overcoming this. So many of you want to be happy and to overcome this, and are afraid you never will - but so often we feel ashamed or guilty the moment we begin to overcome grief because we think we should still be feeling bad. Kinda weird, isn't it? Either way, accept that time will pass and you will heal, and that it is a good thing.

And lastly, we always take things in life for granted. This is how we are as human beings. We live in the moment, and we don't live every moment as if that person or that thing will be gone the next day. It's easy to feel like you didn't appreciate that person enough or love them enough, but you did. Some things in life are just out of control. There's a reason why so many sing the whole "You don't know what you've got until it's gone," - it is also what makes us human.

Thanks for sharing this with us. We appreciate it.

I completely understand, Lynn. Grief is an indefinite process - we never know when it will come to pass. And there will be moments where we are vulnerable - a song comes on that reminds you of a person, you smell something, you see someone, etc. It just happens, and it is okay. Don't fear about when this will get better. As I've said before, let yourself grieve as you need to, and it will get better. I promise.

Thank you for sharing that, Doridorica. I think you're absolutely right. I think everything you've said here is spot on.

I'm sorry to hear about the passing of your dog, @ana. I've never had a pet myself, but I know so many people who have - and how difficult it is to lose that pet. Dogs and cats are around long enough in our lives, and give us such unconditional love and affection too, that it's that much harder when we lose them. People will think it's silly, but this really affects people, and it can be like losing a person. I can only imagine how hard that was for you, but I appreciate you sharing your story and how it has gotten better. I hope your words will encourage others and let people know that this too shall pass.

It takes time, @barush. There is no definitive moment or event that will make this sink in the right way. Time can only do that. Shock and denial are phases of grief that can take a while to get through, so believe me when I say your disbelief is understandable. I feel moments of it too, so you're not alone. Hang in there - we are here for you.

Yes! Exactly what Joe said here.

I'm sure it will! Open your mind and your heart to that conversation, and it will be productive.

 

Thank you for sharing this with us, @LIFTMEUPLETMEGO. I'm sorry to hear about the ordeal that your mother has been through (and how that has affected you and your family). I'm glad to hear that she has been recovering and that now she is home. That must feel good. I'm sorry that Chester's passing came at what otherwise should have been a very positive and encouraging time for you. Life can be unfair.

It's okay to go see a therapist. We oftentimes associate therapy with serious mental illness or trouble, but therapy is really a way to openly process feelings, and hear the perspective of a third party who doesn't personally know you. Use this as an opportunity to share how you feel, to process it and understand it. This can only be a positive experience, so please make the most of it.

It's understandable why you feel bad, but think about everything good that Linkin Park has been in your life. Wishing you'd never had gotten into them is an understandable feeling, but at the same time it's odd, right? I mean, you're here because you love this band. This band meant something to you, which is why this affects you. I think wishing the positive impacts of a band away so that you could have spared this moment of grief is like wishing for a net negative. Yes, losing Chester feels impossible, and this process will be trying - but remember all of the good times this band has brought for you. If you've enjoyed their music, and have gotten through trying times with their music, then you should remember that fondly and appreciate it, you know? Chester's passing doesn't take away this band's music and what it meant to all of us.

Chester was so incredibly sincere with his fans. The timing of the "Talking to Myself" video, however coincidental, felt right at the same time. You could see how much he loved interacting with fans, how much he loved his craft, how much he loved performing.

And you're right, he never would have wanted us to stop living our lives and stop appreciating what we got out of the music. I think we can take inspiration from that, knowing that we can overcome this and still appreciate Linkin Park's music for the rest of our lives.

Absolutely agreed.

 

I love you back. It doesn't sound stupid. Thank you for coming here.

Love you too. One thing to keep in mind is that although things might be bleak right now, doesn't mean it will always be that way. The human condition has built in coping mechanisms that help us move on when we experience tragedy. Time and a way to mentally digest helps us carry on. We are still fresh in the grieving process, but eventually it will get easier for everyone.

 

Just know that its not just you who feels bad about this. Also know that you are loved. If there is something that can help you, Healthily-Creatively, cope or help you let it out, please try it. Maybe try writing or drawing? Read a favorite book? Try your best to take your mind off of it. *hugs*