Chester Bennington Support Thread - We're here for you

Hey all - I apologize for not having been here the past couple of days. I needed to take a bit of a break. Back, and trying to catch up a bit. I may have to break the double-post rule here a bit to adequately cover everyone (these posts do have character limits)... sorry, @Hybrid

I appreciate that, @Doridorica. It has been a little heavy - but I have felt some comfort in helping others. I think others are struggling with this in far deeper ways, and so I've really felt like my place is here - helping you all.

Grief can certainly differ depending on what happened. When someone is dying of illness, it feels unfair but perhaps is easier to digest in the long-term. You can come to terms with the loss while the person is still there, and you go through the process of really appreciating them in that last bit of time. It doesn't make it any less painful, but perhaps we don't grieve for so long after they are gone - and we're not wondering why we lost them. Suicide is a tough one. It's sudden, it destroys us from an empathy perspective, and it leaves us with a lot of questions. We can still overcome though - and from someone who has been through it, it is possible.

It's okay to want to go back to the time before, @Caique Soares. This is common when we grieve - wondering if there was something we could do to prevent what happened, or at least to go back and remember what it was like before we lost that person. It's tough, I know - but just know that you are not alone in feeling this way, and that we will all get through this.

Thank you for joining us and sharing this with us, @maria. I think we can all agree with your sentiments about the kind of person Chester was, and all of the reasons we have to admire him, even if he is gone. I'm glad that you are working on ways of expressing yourself - there are many productive ways to process emotional stress and grief. Please stick around and talk with us as you grieve - we are here for you!

I know what you mean, @Stacy. I just completed the discography yesterday, and there were tracks that were hitting me particularly hard. "Heavy" was one of them. I know many of us are wondering what the future holds for Linkin Park. We all know that Chester is irreplaceable. It's a question that the band will have to sort out in time - but we will always have the music and the lyrics that Chester wrote and sang to us. That won't go away.

Thank you for bringing that up, @Derek. You're absolutely right. Survivor's guilty is really common in many cases of loss, especially suicide. It's a natural response, so don't beat yourself up for feeling that way - but also acknowledge, like Derek said, that there was likely nothing you could do. I felt that way when my friend Trevor took his own life, wishing that I had been there and thinking that if I could have responded to his messages, I could have stopped him. But, from a physical and just downright truthful perspective, there was likely nothing I could have done. I was on a flight to London, and got his goodbye messages after he had landed. Another friend of mine was on his way to try and help him, but it didn't matter. Trevor, at that moment, did not want to be saved. What else could we have done?

So, you have to come to grips with things like that, and just appreciate what you had and what memories you'll always have from when that person was around. It will always hurt a little - pain like that doesn't go away, and it sticks to memories - but you can remember happier moments. Like Derek said, share with us how you're feeling - especially if you're feeling survivor's guilt.

There's nothing to beat yourself up for, @SashaSkyward. I'm seeing a lot of people feel shame, or feeling silly/stupid for feeling certain ways, but there is nothing about the grief or pain you're feeling that merits that. This is tough on all of us, and you're all hurting for very understandable reasons. That is okay, and that is human. I know what you mean with listening to music and getting emotional - but sometimes, that is a helpful part of the grieving process. If you can listen to the song and really feel what it is saying, then it is okay to cry. And maybe, you'll never not cry with certain songs, but that just means they're great songs that for different reasons resonate with you in that way. That is perfectly okay. And you're right - one day at a time! Stick it out with us, and everything will be alright.

@barush @darkviruz - And we are grateful to you both for sharing your thoughts with us and for being here. We appreciate you!

Hang in there, @dreamerpoet. Some days are going to be harder than others - as it goes with any type of loss. Sometimes, we feel great, and on other days we feel completely hopeless. This is how it goes for some time. I'm glad you've been able to find some light through what people are sharing about Chester - I think we are all seeing some light even in this thread, no matter how dark it feels right now. This grief is really just love, if you think about it - just has a different shade right now.

I've been listening to the music as well. I think it helps, even if it's a little hard.

I'm glad you're feeling better, @YoMarques. "One More Light" is going to be a difficult song and difficult album for people, I think, for quite some time. Watching interviews and performances of him will also be difficult. It's hard, knowing that someone was suffering so much - regardless of how vocal he was about it. I have a hard time looking at photos of my friend "Trevor," largely because I know how hard he had it. This is how it goes, sadly, in these situations. The mind is complicated, and mental illness in any shape or form is tough to comprehend from any standpoint. This will be hard for a while, but it will come to pass eventually.

I'm glad you can see light in the darkness. There is strength that we can take from this, and a lot of that will come from first expressing our grief and feeling comfortable with sharing how it's going for us. There is courage in sharing your troubles, so I'm glad you shared that. Thank you.

 

@Lynn - What I will say is that these events often provide closure for people. Memorial events, funerals - they are all forms of closure. They're a way for us to acknowledge that we've lost someone, that they are gone, but that we won't forget them. It's better to go than to not go, if you can. Better to go and to feel sad than not to go and regret that you didn't, if you ask me. You'll be around people who are going through the exact same thing, and I think you'll find comfort in that. And you're not a freak - people send messages to people after they're gone all the time. I write to my friend Trevor on his Facebook every time his birthday rolls around. It helps me and I always hope he sees it and remembers how much I loved him.

It's okay - the moment we come to consolidating our feelings into some form of expression, writing or otherwise - can be the moment where it hits us hardest. Our thoughts and feelings in some sense lay scattered until we sit down and really come to terms with it.

I've been grieving about a break-up I had two years ago, and only two weeks ago on a plane did I write a letter on my iPad, in hopes that it might bring me some sort of closure. I couldn't stop myself from crying, even though it had been two years. Think of it like picking up the mess of a dirty room, and suddenly the weight of that mess is all in your hands, and it is heavy. That's what happens.

It doesn't sound like anything (and there's nothing wrong with being a little fan girl, boy, or any type of fan at all - no need to stigmatize there). And there's nothing stupid about seeing something on TV or elsewhere and it reminding you of loss. That is natural, and that is normal. Don't shame yourself for feeling this way - that only adds to your pain. Again, this is what being human is.

Thank you for sharing this with us, @Joh. This was a really great way to express how you were feeling, and how I think so many of us feel. Chester and the band taught us and left us with so many lessons, especially about how to express and process our grief and anguish. That is something we'll always have, even if Chester is gone.

I appreciate you sharing your thoughts, and I think you are asking questions that so many of us are asking in our minds as well. The reality is that we can never really know what was going on in Chester's mind, and there will never be an answer to if this could have been avoided. Those questions are often the hardest to cope with, and are the ones we can't spend forever trying to answer. All we know is that at some point, Chester couldn't bear it any longer, and made this decision. It's not something any of us wanted, but we will have to live with it, and do our best to help others if they're struggling and/or thinking about making the same choice.

Meeting the band, and meeting Chester is an incredible experience for any Linkin Park fan - so I'm glad you had that opportunity. But, you didn't feel like a teenage girl (not sure what that is supposed to mean anyway) - you were meeting an idol and were understandably excited.

And if you're asking the band not to feel guilty, then you shouldn't feel guilty either. It doesn't matter when you started listening or how closely you followed or whatever - loss is loss, and it can hit us hard at any time. That is okay.

I got emotional reading this. Thank you so much for sharing, @Masquerade21. I am so sorry that you have had to live with this pain, but I am also so overjoyed that you had that moment with Chester. This is so beautiful and so touching, and shows us how Chester meant so much to all of us and how kind he was. I actually have to thank you for bringing the tears back to my eyes. Thank you.

It's not a matter of "don't think that," because if you tell yourself not to think something, you will. There's a very useful app for smartphones called "Headspace," which is all about mindfulness. Basically, the lesson is that you just need to accept your thoughts and feelings as they come and go. It's not about fully embracing them or pushing them away - just knowing they are there, that you are feeling them, and that it is okay.

Let yourself grieve, @Lynn, but if you are struggling with lots of thoughts, we just suggest distracting yourself with something else so that you're not focusing so much on the pain of this. There are different ways to process - you just have to find what works for you! Remember we are here for you - always.

 

Agreed! There is no such thing as selfishness in this situation, everyone. Selfish is not something anyone should be feeling - there is really no reason why!

Thank you for joining us and for sharing your thoughts and feelings with us, @ZEC. Obviously, this is tough for everybody - and I'm glad you found this space, a safe and non-judgmental space - where you can share how you are feeling and what you're going through. I promise you that you are not alone.

Many of us are feeling helpless in the aftermath, so you're not alone there either. This is tough, and it's okay to feel as sad as you are. Just know that this is a part of the grief that comes with loss, and that it will be okay. It's understandable why it feels like personal loss - he meant so much to all of us, and the band's music is why we're all here in the first place.

We promise it gets better. Stick around and keep us posted with how you're feeling. We really care!

Agreed! It's understandable why we sometimes focus our thoughts on the particulars, but try to remember the positives.

I understand. Dates, times, and places become really vivid and memorable in situations of loss - so I understand why this is hitting you so hard. See if you can direct your focus onto the positives - remembering what you loved about Chester, your favorite songs, favorite performances, etc. These too will be hard to process, but I think these can be really therapeutic as part of the healing process.

Know that we are here for you, Carla. Please carry on. We are at your side every step of the way. Please feel free to reach out to me personally if you need it.

I want you to know, first, that I'm sorry you haven't been feeling well. It isn't uncommon to get sick - we do become a little vulnerable during times of serious grief and stress. I hope you feel better soon.

Second, I really want you to know how much I relate to what you've said - everything I do in this thread and in my daily life is about trying to be positive for people, even during my darkest moments. It's all I can do, really. I want to be a beacon for people, which can be really trying. But I'm glad that I'm not alone in this endeavor, and that you are trying too. I'm glad you've decided to put those smiley faces back on. Try smiling yourself, even on your own - it can help you feel better.

Thanks for hanging in there and trying and being there for others. Know that we love you and appreciate you.

@Forfeit to Break - thank you for sharing this about yourself. So many people struggle with different forms of mental illness, and loss and grief can be such a hard test for those folks too (as it is for all of us). But I think you're absolutely right - turning our focus onto the things we love, and about helping ourselves and trying to bring structure into our lives, can be really helpful. Everything you've said here is really important, so I'm grateful you said it. Hang in there, and know that we are there for you as well.

I'll tell you something. You're not bitter and you're not impatient. Bitterness and impatience are symptoms of other things we are feeling - typically fear, grief, anger, and frustration with other things in our life. As you've mentioned before, you've dealt with loss, and you are afraid to lose more. And those are fears that can play out in our interactions. Sometimes we hurt those we love the most because we care about them so much and don't know how to express such dark fears without becoming emotionally hijacked.

When your mom asks you how you're feeling, don't turn away from her. You need to be honest with her because that is going to really help you. If your parents understand what you're feeling, it's probably going to ease your interactions. Parents can be a source of love and comfort that we especially need during times of loss, so why turn them away? Just open up. Tell them that this is really hitting you hard, that it makes you afraid of losing them, etc. I know how you feel, man. I think about mortality and about losing people I love all the time, and it comes up more when we are really dealing with loss. But don't turn her away. Tell her (both your parents, really), and things will become easier. I promise.

Chester had a way to handle how he felt for a long time, and it will be impossible to know what he was thinking or feeling before he passed. But please, the last thing he or any of us would want is for you or anyone else to think that taking your own life is the way out. Like I've said so many times before, the world is better with you in it than without you. And as I've also said, there's too much love, happiness, and so much more that this world has to offer that you shouldn't give up on. I promise you that this gets better, that you can overcome. However, if you are feeling depressed or are thinking about suicide, I implore you to seek professional help. Talk to someone you love about it, and get the help you need. I promise it makes a difference.

Please know that we love you and care about you, and only want what's best for you.

Absolutely right! Definitely worth going - better to go and to cry than to regret.