Chester Bennington Support Thread - We're here for you

I need to learn this too. Why is it so hard to just not read some articles or any stuff online bout him. Same with the police call, someone tagged me and I instantly thought - no it's a bad idea to listen to that - what did I do? I listened to it. I felt so away after it. Couldn't feel the ground under my feet. It was days ago and it's not the first thing that comes to my mind but it's still there in a corner of my head. The whole situation still is so crazy and fucked up you know? It's been over a week now and I somehow thought - in a week it will be better - but it's still so freaking hard that I'm having to try my hardest to hold back tears as I write this. I just don't want to think at all but my mind's a fucking machine since Chester left-
it can't stop and yeah maybe sometimes the pain in my chest - you're all feeling this as well and I already thought I was crazy 'cause I'm really feeling it physically - gets lighter but than somehow comes back as hard as at the beginning. Life is so crazy. Going forward and going back .

 

So my mom has been gone since Thursday morning. My "In Memory of Chester Bennington" poster came in on Friday. She came home tonight and asked me how he died (she doesn't even know who he is) and I couldn't get up the nerve to tell her. So she asked if it was drugs and then I said no. And I told her that it doesn't matter how he died just to try to get her to drop it. Then she asked if it was suicide and I said "Maybe."

Then she asks, "You aren't going to commit suicide are you? All you do is stay in your room all the time"

I don't know why she has the nerve to ask something like that. I've never been depressed and never had those thoughts. When you don't get home from work utility 5:30-6:00pm everyday and have to wake up at 5:30am the next morning, why am I going to want to do go out and do something?

I just find it ridiculous that she would even ask that.

 

I think her delivery of the question was lacking, but I think she asked because she was concerned. I also know that working those hours would make for not wanting to go out.......I know it's hard but I think she really had your best interest at heart.

I was "lucky" I guess, because a friend called and told me it had happened...and she had searched and searched so she knew it was real. I mean yeah I did force myself to look at the articles because I had to see it for myself to believe it but I would have gone insane had I read it before I found out through her.......I am so thankful for how it worked out

 

It sounds a bit like you and your mother may have a rocky relationship. Her question may seem like a very abrupt and bold but I think she is just worried about you.

Society tells us to smile and say we're fine when we're not. Chester mentioned that in an interview. It's human to automatically deny anything bad is happening in your life to maintain a positive conversation. But it takes bravery and honesty to admit that no, you are not fine. The world is a much better place if we were all to speak our honest thoughts and feelings. People would realize that they really are not alone in their struggles.

I'm sorry if I overstepped any boundaries by saying these things. I don't mean to offend or anything. Thank you for sharing a your story.

 

We actually don't have a rocky relationship at all. I live a pretty "normal" life if you want to call it that.

It's just weird to me because I've never been depressed and I feel like she would know that. It just kind of came out of nowhere. My family is actually a Christian. I'm a Christian as well but not the stereotypical Christian like the rest of my family (They only listen to worship music whereas I don't care what music says). So it's just weird to me that should would ask that. She probably does have my best interest in my mind but it just amazes me that she thinks I would think about something as drastic as that.

 

Reading your stories makes me feel so sad for you but gives me comfort that no one of us is alone... I guess we all need that feeling. Yesterday I watched a movie and someone handed himself... I then told my boyfriend that it's hard to see something like this now and that I feel bad about it. He just said that I can't think about this all the time and not associate everything I see with him. Someone handed himself in this movie! How should I not think of THAT? I was so angry and that gave me confirmation what I just can't talk to him about the situation.

 

Sometimes it's difficult for someone else to truly understand because they aren't as emotionally involved with the band as you. I am guilty of this as well. Late last year when Prince died, my friend was absolutely heartbroken. His music was an integral part of her growing up years and he was taken away suddenly. I tried to support her and be there for her....but now that I am experiencing the same thing, I realize that I probably was not at all much of a comfort because I did not share the same love for Prince. Your boyfriend is probably also feeling the same way.

I keep coming back to this forum because it is so healing. Every day that passes, I am becoming a stronger and better person. We will get through this.

 

My wife came home from work the day Chester died and said, "You better not do anything like that...". It made me feel like she thinks I have that in me. Maybe I do, maybe I don't.

Okay that last sentence sounds bad. No, I'm not having suicidal thoughts or anything. I get down but I'm not going to take myself out, and that's what I told her.

 

@Blake, I don't know your mum obviously but it seems she was concerned but didn't know how to say it and that's where her statement comes from. As we get older our parents, especially if they are older generation, don't know how to talk to us, ie.it's hard to ask direct questions so they may sound odd sometimes. It was her way of saying "I'm concerned."
My mum expressed her concern, at least I think that's what if was, by asking "what's new in your life?" and we talk on the phone every day.

 

Me too.
It is nice that the LP community works so wonderfully and shared among each other.

 

I was pretty devastated with Prince, but my husband didn't get it....this one, he gets.

 

This shit has been rough. When LP came out with their first album I was in my senior year of high school. I'm now 35. The first couple of days I was in shock, but by Tuesday I woke up at 5AM and have been sobbing uncontrollably since. It's wearing me down. I'm driven to check my phone almost every half hour, hoping to not be bombarded by headlines I don't want to read. I can't even listen to any of the music because all I feel is pain, his pain, my pain - whatever. My husband suffers from major depression and LP's music has been the narrative for our entire relationship. I see many frightening similarities between my husband and Chester. I'm scared. I feel like a failure - hindsight being 20/20. I'm tormented by so many thoughts. I'm so sorry Chester. I'm sorry for everyone who is in that much pain. I wish I could take it all away.

 

I was doing fine, but last night I had the most awful nightmare because apparently my mind thought it would be a good idea to dream about Chester's last moments. I don't know what kind of sick twisted part of my subconscious decided to do that to me, but now I wish more than anything that all this is a nightmare I'll suddenly wake up from, and Chester will still be here with us. I thought I was doing okay after my breakdown yesterday but now I don't know how to deal anymore. I wish I could cry but it's almost physically impossible- yesterday was the first time in two years that I actually shed tears, but now I'm just completely numb on the inside.

Just everything about this is so awful! The only thing I want is for him to be alive and I wish that wasn't too much to ask.

 

This is exactly how I feel since it happend. My fucked up mind is doing to me the very same thing. I literally think and picture how it went down, you know? Becasue it's just so bizarre that he did it. I'm asking myself continually why? how?. Wondering what ahs been going on there step by step. No matter how often I read an article were they say that he has been found hanging from a door I can't actually grasp it. Nothing feels like it helps. I envy all those people who can say goodbye and move on. I just want him to here. It isn't fair or right that such a perfect man like him is now gone and in such a horrible way. And the fact that it didn't had to end like that. So much things that could have prevented it. I hear him singing in my head or a picture pops up in my mind of him and I can't understand how he can be just gone now. They won't be new music from him, no new tweets or instagram post. Yesterday I watched Game of Thrones with my boyfriend and I thought "Hey Chester watched GoT too and now he won't see how the show ends because he is fucking gone". Then I think about all the people who are affected by his death and are mourning him worldwide and it is like "Well but he did had to die for this outpouring of love and gratefulness to happen". I'm not okay with this.

 

Anyone has any solution or any idea how to try to trust someone who is giving with one hands and taking the other? So u truly know the person is not careless but he betrays. When u know only time will tell but you are just inpatient and want some sort of a proof in front of you but all u know u need to be patient and wait out the time? How to let the anger, the sadness and pain to go? How to compete every day?

 

2 months ago when Chester was saying things like "fuck you" to fans that were hating on the new album, I couldn't understand why he was so bothered by a small fraction of the fanbases reactions. Looking back, perhaps it was a sign that he was not doing very well.

 

Well it wasn't just a small fraction. He said on twitter that he has to block the idiots a lot. So many people were coming at them because they didn't like the new record. But he also let go of that on twitter and concentrated on those who love their new music.

And two months ago that with Chris already happend and they did say that he wasn't the same after that.

 

I really do believe too that the situation with Chris was too much for him. That night he couldn't handle that, I guess it all crashed down and he just wanted the pain to end. In a situation like that you don't thing about family, friends and so on. You just want to silence your thoughts and to make the pain go away.

 

Hello, my beautiful family.

Today I feel sadder, but it does come in waves. I'm trying to stay strong, I've been trying to calm down a couple of friends, for them not to feel guilty about this, but I've also had those feelings throughout this week, so it's a mixture of trying to find a way for them not to feel guilty, but at the same time believing the complete opposite of what I'm telling them. I really wanna help them, but sometimes I feel more confused... I hope it will get better :')

Love you all.