It really have been raining the whole past week ... Could stop now, heaven got an new angel, what more would he want... could need a little sunshine now ... Cried today too. Cried everyday.
Thank you for sharing and for the offer to talk to you. I don't even know if I should talk about it at the moment cause I fear it'll hurt even more
The first couple of days I was a wreck. I am now talking others through what they are going through. Also, I'm singing, even though I'm not that good at it. Also, I'm re-writing lyrics. Trying as much as I can to be creative. I also talk with my friends about things. Mainly getting out and doing something helps too. I'm also listening a lot to the discography and demos and side projects and former bands...
Spent the last 3 days watching some hilarious back stage comic relief from the band. I needed a break from the shock and sadness. Then, you realize....it's been a week already. So back to the somber sadness today....shit happens.
I'm watching nearly every cover of "Talking to Myself" that's on YouTube as we speak. That riff, though.
I have vented to my girlfriend and friends and facebook, but my relationship with Chester and Linkin Park has been fairly personal. I don't want to go the candlelight vigils. I don't want to go mingling through the threads and groups (this one doesn't count lol), I just want remember what Chester was to me and the impact that he had on my life.
All I can listen to is LP, DBS, and FM. I've been doing pretty good but still in shock and I'm glad to be venting with the community.
I've already come back to LP songs, but the amount of other music I've been listening to has increased a lot. I normally take a break from LP 2 or 3 months after a new album release to get to know more artists, buy other music and come back to other artists I liked in the 2000s.
It's getting better now. the first days were awful, I couldn't do nothing, I was like a hollow. but when time passed I reilized that this is life, and that you must let go, the music will still forever. So now I can listen to LP without having any problems except some hard songs like OML, BTH and TLTGYA which are too emotional and heartbreaking and needed more time!
Don't think I've been sober for a single day since the tragedy. It's just too tough of a pill to swallow right now. Most my thoughts have been occupied about Chester when I'm not distracting myself lately. I still can't bring myself to listen to his voice, or even the other LP songs with just Mike vocals. Music is my life, so I try to listen to other artists as much as I can. Not to fill the void, but to loosen the grip and distract myself. The other day Korn and Stone Sour played a show in my area. Normally I'd be super excited for a show like this and look forward to it, but leading it up to the day it just didn't feel the same. I almost didn't go even after buying the ticket. I did end up going though and was able to immerse myself in a world of music where for the first time in days I was able to truly enjoy myself and leave out all the negative emotions that plague my mind. In a way, I feel like that show helped me heal a little bit. It made me realize my love for music, and the whole concept of "don't cry that it's over, smile that it happened". Chester is gone, but everything him and the band has done will forever be immortalized and have a special place in my heart. Perhaps I'm moving on to a different stage of grieving.
I think it's totally ok to not want to go to candlelight vigils because that doesn't mean you can't think of him and grieve. If one decides to light a candle at home or to just think of him it's as good as going anywhere and grieve in public. I know he's out there somewhere and he definitely feels our love.
Reliving memories, like the album releases and all the excitement and community surrounding those times. Just remembering being a kid when Lp was coming up
I think I'm circling back to denial... I feel kind of detached when I see pictures from the various memorials and vigils... It's like all those people are mourning someone else, someone I don't know... It still doesn't feel real. The only LP songs I can listen to right now are from HT, because to me, they're so far removed from the Chester of today... or a week ago. I force myself not to skip them, though, when they come up on shuffle. Baby steps.
I've yet to break down and cry. Please don't judge me. I just went from shock to denial with one week gone by.