I got you and I know how you're feeling because of that selfharm thing because I did that too. It's bad but it's not the end of the world. You can always get back on track you know? You relapsed but that doesn't mean that your battle is lost and your victories never happened. We'll get back up. I'm sorry for your suicidal thoughts but as long as these are just thoughts you're above it. You're strong. I'm proud of you talking about it. Here with us. Please never give up. The worst day only has 24h and we can always hope for a better tomorrow. Someday we'll get what we deserve. It's a reason to keep going. The world can't always be dark.
When it comes to preventing self harm try to break something when a thought comes (a pencil for example), throw sth into the wall or get a pillow and repeatedly smash it against the couch or a bed, anything to let the anger out.
Thank you so much, Lynn. Just the fact you guys are reading and that you care is enough for me. It means a lot. <3
It's been 6 weeks now? feels like forever tbh. I just wanna thank you all for being here and sharing. It really helps knowing that I'm not alone in this, and same goes for each and everyone of you. We're very strong together, and we will be alright. Chester's voice and message will live forever in us and it's up to us to pass it on. I love you all brothers and sisters!
Hey guys, once I have had some sleep and had time recoup mentally from today's memorial I will share with you how it went but for now all I will say is that it was beautiful and Ryan Shuck is a fantastic hugger
I'm pretty sad there's no more of Chester's voice in the future ... it's sinks in even more as time goes by.....
It's sad but we still have his voice. That's the beautiful thing in that- we can still listen to his voice whenever we want to. His music will never leave and through it he will always live on. It's sad and it's different but it's something we can cherish even more now. I'm sure he's at a happy place now and he's looking down on us soldiers and is very proud of us for fighting this battle called life so hard.
I had a dream I was listening to Waiting For The End, and although I felt like how I exactly feel in real life right now (not being able to feel any good things when listening to the band), the song my dream chose to play felt like some kind of positive message from Chester, to help me move on. Just felt like sharing it with you guys, he is still with us somehow and he will be taking care of us all. <3
Sorry I am getting to this now...i needed a few days to collect my thoughts. Chesters memorial sat was beautiful. I am glad I went. Meant a lot of soldiers there so I did make new friends. Ryan, Sean and other close friends of Chester was there. It was nice getting to know them. Ryan's spoke the eulogy that he read at his funeral which had us not only crying but also laughter because he showed us this book Chester gave him called the penis pokey book. You had to be there for it but it was funny. They performed a few songs. Later after it was done, we all went to club tattoo where you could get special tattoos, they had memorial shirts and also a table with flowers, his pictures and cards so we could wrote special messages to Talinda and the family. They were also filming a documentary about Chester and awareness of depression and suicide. I was asked if I wanted to speak. We basically had to say what Chester meant to us and how he has helped us. Right before I was gonna get filmed, my anxiety kicked in hard and my heart started pounding and I was near tears. Chesters crew was wonderful with me....they calmed me down and got me to talk. I am greatful for that because once I got through it I was happy that I did it.
This sounds amazing and I'm proud of you. No need to apologize for taking a few days to sort out your thoughts. It's important to be for yourself and get your mind some rest before you can talk to someone about it. I hope it helped you to cope a little better with the whole thing.
Thanks! Hugs. It did help me cope Ryan, Sean and Thora gave me really huge hugs which was helpful. hoping I can go to the one that LP is planning. Sorry for typos I meant to say met soldiers not meant soldiers.
Yeah, hopefully you'll get the chance! I'm happy for everyone here who's finding their way back to life... I wanna know how everyone else here is doing? Is everyone ok?
That's very nice to hear. I would've been way too shy to speak on camera, so good for you Ryan's speech was very nice too.
I made a deal with myself and announced it on twitter. I will make chester proud by fighting the self harm, lose weight and get fit. I will also #fuckdepression. Now I have said it publicly in 2 places I have got to stick to it. Tomorrow is going to be a real challenge though
This makes me incredibly happy, Carla. I'm sure you can do it! #fuckdepression 'cause we're stronger. We already made Chester proud and we'll continue. With everyday we wake up we get a new chance to fight and we'll win.
I have to win. I'm a lone parent so have to win for my daughters sake and it's hard work hiding the evidence of self harm. She's too young to understand or to know about it really. It was nice to read that my comment made you happy. We all seem to be using this place less now and I miss talking to everyone
I know. I have many scars. You can't even count them. Yeah we move on but it doesn't mean that we aren't still here. I come everyday to see if something was written
I'm also here everyday, and I read everything you guys post. I know people move on, but I hope we'll still be able to come here and help each other. I'm really struggling right now, even though I haven't written here as much in the past few days. I'm happy to read you guys are fighting and trying to get better. I love you all.