Ok here is a very wierd poem that is like a story, it is very wierd, and not like my normal work, be prepared for this poem, i dont know what sort of reaction, i write what comes to me and this is what came to me. It is also very long so be warned. This house is not a home, But a prison where I’m trapped, Why do you keep me here? Under lock and key, Why do you treat me the way you do? I’m a human not an animal, Why do you hate me so? When I never did anything to you, Every day you lash out at me, Worse than being hit by lion claws, Why do you hate me so much? Why must you destroy my soul? But one day I will escape this prison, One day I will have my revenge, And then you’ll wish you never treated me, The awful way you did. Till then I will live through the pain, Live with a black heart, Carry a cross that’s not mine to bear, Because it will crush me if I don’t, I will take your verbal lashings, And watch my soul drown, I will live with no purpose, And hope I will one day be free, Is it wrong to think about killing? Someone you really hate, When they torture you constantly, And you think you’ll die if it doesn’t stop, Is it wrong to want to hurt them? To make them pay the price, Because this is how I feel, And how they will feel so soon. Then one day I hear a voice in my head, Telling me what to do, I hear it say kill and I listen, I have no objection, And then I let loose, Lost in the power my hate has brought me, Unleashing an uncontrollable monster, One that should never be released. When the monster settles, I see red paints the floor, But to me it does not represent death, But the freedom I can now enjoy, So I run and run, So far away so no one can take me back, And run into a world, That’s much better then where I was, As I spend some time in the world, I was so long sheltered from, I realise I had made a mistake, One that can never be fixed, For the world I really thought was bright, Is much darker than I thought, And people with more hatred, Then I ever thought was possible, And as I see the truth, I see that it was not pain you gave me, It was love and I didn’t want it, You protected me and I rejected it, You tried to save me from this world, So evil and so dark, But I threw that all away, And went wandering into the dark. Now I know I am a monster, Who can never be loved, That has killed to get away, And go somewhere more dark, And I don’t think I deserve to live, I need to repay for what I’ve done, To do that I’ll burn in hell, *BOOM goes the gun*
OK you have an option here about me calling this poem as 1)Awesome 2)Amazing 3)Superb 4)Great 5)All of them,and If you ask me I would go for the 5th one,honestly this the best long poem I have ever read(though I rarely read long poems),but this one rocks man,not even for a moment did I feel astray while reading the poem,you have written the poem very tightly,but I would like to point one thing in the poem though its not specific to you but in general,in the lines "Why do you treat me the way you do? I'm a human not an animal" well I want to ask everybody that is it that we can treat animals badly when we say this,this is what the general thinking is when poeple say dont treat me like an animal,I feel even animals shouldnt be treated badly(sorry if this is out of the topic and has little relation to the poem),but I felt like saying this,and coming back to the poem its as I said All of them,you are a great poet,keep the work coming.
Yer i totaly agree about the animal thing (couldnt be bothared editing the quote to just include that part) animals are often mistreated. i could never be able to own a dog cause i would feel to sorry for it being locked up all day in a backyard.
this was really good and the ending, well what can i say... fab! apart from that i'm speechless (and it takes alot to do that!)
wow, you just keep getting better and better. awesome! i really don't know what else to say, cuz your poems are really powerful. I loved this one, and I agree with ahamLP about the 5th option . I just loved the way you twisted all in the end, it was just an unexpected and really creative ending. i just can take my hat off man, you are amazing!!! PS- i have an idea about the sig thing (thank you), i think i'll mail you or something cuz its kinda hard to find you on msn sometimes.
yer once i had written the first verse i realised the first line was from home, i thought about changing it but it was unintentional so i left it.
hey, about the name, i was thinking about "the monster inside me", but i believe it would be too obvious for the ending. (i may be wrong) what do you think?
yer i think it would reck it, i need some mysterious name. LOL umm. yer im still stumped for the moment but we'll see.
wow, thats pretty good. the poem seems full of emotion and hatred, i really like the bit at the end "boom goes the gun" name wise i think "cast aside" would be a good name because of the bits "but one day i'll escape this prison" and "one day i'll have my revenge" because the name simbolises how the person in the poem is mistreated and cast aside. and the name also simbolises how if the person who is mistreated wants to move on, he has to deal with his problem by taking revenge, then he has cast aside his or her problem and can move on. or maybe the name "goodbye" because of the bit at the end "boom goes the gun" you are a very good poet, keep up the good work
thaks jester (have to add the face lol) as you can see it is hard to think of a name for this poem. and allthough your names are great, i'm still searching for that perfect name. Thanks though. And thanks for all the comments.