Spring surrounds me, but I can feel the cold of the snow. I'm supposed to see nothing but green, but I can't remain silent, I've lost another dream. My soul is starving, I no longer glow. My heart is covered with dust. You know you made hope become weak. Can't you see my emotions leak? Now I wonder why I got lost. All my thoughts you wanted to scatter. If love is all you can receive, what do you have to conceal? At least you could have told me, to you it didn't matter. From heaven, you know we are really far. I just wanted you to think about how far you could take me with just another blink. How could you ever accept to go through this dreadful war? Lets pretend for a second I die. You never understood the way I felt. You just let my illusions melt. Now that I'm dead, I keep asking why. You could have showed me the light. To resign, I always refused. Don't tell me you just got confused, I just needed you to hold me tight. Don't tell me you always cared, cuz you would have done the same. For you, I'm just a dull name. To love me, you never dared Your wings were made out of cotton. I just wanted to do things right, get lost in a balmy night, and dream about a flower booming in autumn. Our feelings were never wrapped. Now, I can only lie on my bed. But even knowing I'm dead, with me you'll always be trapped. *********************************** I'd appreciate your opinion guys. By the way, could you think of a name?
Hmm, well it's different. It would be hard to come up with a name for this, for the fact that it's not based on one topic, atleast it doesn't seem so to me. It seems like there is more than 1 thing your talking about that kinda sticks out, which is usually a good way to start naming your songs. (By using a word or phrase that really sums up what you wrote.) It also looks like your trying to force rhyme. Which is a bad habit, trying desperately to rhyme words. Try different things, like one I learned from a friend, John. Where you use syllables to try and make a song or verse flow together. ex: 1st line - 13 syllables 2nd line - 10 syllables 3rd line - 15 syllables Chorus 1st line - 13 syllables 2nd line - 10 syllables 3rd line - 15 syllables and so on and so forth anyways enough of my babble and my trying to teach, I'm no teacher, I just write what ever I think, I don't set limitations hold me back. My tip, don't just hold yourself to rhyming. Yes, it can be nice, but it can also get annoying, and you don't have to rhyme to make it sound good. It's really not that bad, it could use some work, try to seperate stuff throughout it and make it less confusing, make it more visual.
well thanks, i'll keep that in mind . I'm just beggining to develop my english writing skills, cuz I'm mexican and most of my poems are in spanish. I could post one some day if u like well, thanks for the advice. I'll try to move on and make it better. Thank u!!!
great poem,very emotional and meaingful,and about the name its really hard to find it a name coz most of the times I find it harder to find a names for my own poems,and you should never ask amybody for the title,coz you are the person who knows most and understands it better than anybody else,but I may help you in the title,the title I would suggest is The Wound Inside(well its just a title),anyways hope to see more of ur stuff,keep it ip.
yes agree that u should try to come up with your own name, but this poem is a very good one. I LIKE IT. anyway i'd do a linkin park and use the working title and call it "Just Another Sad Poem" lol
Thanks a lot guys, but hey! what do you think about "The wound inside another sad poem"? I'd appreciate some honest comments.
i love this part. very deep Lets pretend for a second I die. You never understood the way I felt. You just let my illusions melt. Now that I'm dead, I keep asking why.
Wow. This is a really, well, sad, as in, -sob, pout-, not bad ... I really like this poem. You have incredible talent. And, no, I really can't think of a name for it ... it's just got so many topics ... Keep it up! I'd say that you should pick one of the topics and make a name out of that.