This is my first entry here but was written about a year ago exactly: I'd like some honest feedback, thanks! "Undiscerning Feelings" Held in infinite eternity by your fallacious embraces I wait here with a false sense of presentiment Why does it have to be this way? Why does it have to be this way? I'd take the world off your shoulders if I could Take every ounce of pain away. . . Why does it have to be this way? Why does it have to be this way? Our love becomes more lethargic as time creeps by Categorized by malignity You'll know no love greater than mine But you are too damn blind to see I place our laughter aside Being truculent is your true self See more than 5 seconds ahead in time And stop being oblivious to my help I bleed more as each day passes by Because it pains me so much to see You clutched something beautiful and made it die But worse you took a part of me
god damn it! am i dreaming??? awesome poem!!! i really loved when you said: I bleed more as each day passes by Because it pains me so much to see You clutched something beautiful and made it die But worse you took a part of me god, i feel so identified..... you've done such a great job.. please dont you stop writing!!!!
Thanks, I appreciate it That was written specifically for a gf (now an ex) at the time and I was upset obviously/emotional so those words came easy lol.
Welcome to the forum where there are many immensly talented poets,the poem is good,and if you want honest commenys from,I guess this work can still become better if you change some of the things,maybe a few lines here and there,but by large the poem is good,keep it up,keep posting more stuff.
thats pretty good, you seem to be a very descriptive poet, i really like the bit "but worse you took a part of me" keep writing!