Foolish Thoughts

Discussion in 'Your Projects' started by ahamLP, Apr 16, 2005.

  1. #1
    ahamLP

    ahamLP Well-Known Member

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    I dunno if the title for the poem is right,but I just felt like keeping this name just after I wrote the poem,anyways please comment on this.


    Foolish Thoughts


    It sounds so dumb
    that I have become numb
    for I can't feel any pain nor any pleasure
    that's why I feel I've lost myself forever


    There was no time in my life
    when I didn't expect any pleasure
    but God gave me pain and suffering
    to show me what the opposite of them was


    When in deep and hopeless trouble
    I always thought God would help me out
    but every time I forgot the ultimate truth
    that God helps those who help themselves


    But I still don't think that
    I have indeed learnt a lesson
    'cause the book from which I'm reading the lesson
    is a book with blank pages the author of which is me
     
  2. #2
    Testament

    Testament \m/ LPA Super Member

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    Hmm, that's pretty good. Not quite perfect yet, but getting there. ^_^
     
  3. #3
    jester

    jester Member

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    pretty good, ^_^

    what about the name "foolish decision"
     
  4. #4
    Il inno di morte

    Il inno di morte A noi si schiude il ciel...

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    In my humble opinion, this isn't as good as your other poems, but that doesn't mean I don't like it. I don't really agree with the title, cuz you are trying to express something more powerful. I believe you have the idea; you know what you want to say, but you just seem to have a little bit of trouble findind the right words. Hey, which is ok, as I've said before, you know words can't really express entirely what's found deep inside of us. I liked it, but I believe you could fix it and have a very good piece of work. Keep on writing!!!
     
  5. #5
    D_A_V_I_D

    D_A_V_I_D Pure Pwnage

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    i have to agree not your best, but i do absolutely love this verse
    It is so awsome and it does often seem like this. I recon this could be better. but as TSD said there is a powerful meaning here waiting to be unlocked by your words. Dig deeper. Think less and write with you heart not your head. And i believe you can have a truely absolutely awsome poem.
     
  6. #6
    ahamLP

    ahamLP Well-Known Member

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    Well I feel everybody has a problem with my thinking :angry: :lol: ,cause think b4 u think got some reactions as if I think 24/7 about such stuff,and is that the reason people feel that I think too much than required?,maybe,but yeah as you both have told I also feel that this can be a better poem,but then "if every poem is good,so which one is good?"(again a thought written by me,who cares for your thoughts idiot :angry: :whistle: ),anyways about the title I feel that though its not perfectly suitable for this poem,but still somehow this came to me,so I guess I will keep this topic until my mind suggests me a new one,anyways thanx for all the honest comments,thank you all.
     
  7. #7
    a life in ashes

    a life in ashes mercury summer

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    ok i guess it's quite good, but not your best.
     

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