please read and post ur comments as to what you felt reading this whatever it is,here we go: Dunno What do you have to hide ? when everybody knows you've lied you've taken everyone on a ride and it's betrayal from your side Only God knows what made you so doing things which make your head low remember you reap what you sow so better sow what you know First tell me why so much hate when you know you are your fate know that it's never too late all it depends on is whats your mind's state Only God can make you to feel good You gave up doing even though you could Hate is what you were fed as your food Now if I wanna help you I dunno how I should
another great one, although seems familiare *cough* points of authority *cough* *cough*. LOL. anyway, other than that it is quite good. the line feels out of place to me, not your best i don't thing but if you fix some things up it has potencial. i like the feel and the message good stuff.
i dont know what to say really, part of me thinks its really good, and another part of me thinks it needs a little work "Now if I wanna help you I dunno how I should" - this seems a little out of place. every other part of the poem seems to ryhme with itself apart from the above part. other than that its pretty good, especially the start. keep writing
Rhyming isn't eveything you know. It seems to me that you try WAY too hard to rhyme your entire poem and it really takes away from your writing. Personally, I don't think this is that good... </my critical opinion>
Well,I dont think I have taken that from Points of Authority,cause its something that has existed from quite long time,you have heard a term called Karma,its based on that,so even LP have been inspired from it so you got it wrong, its something that existed long before,and jester I would like to know a little more on what is wrong with that line,cause I didnt find anything wrong in that line,anyways thanx to all for your valuable comments.