Got Something You Want To Let Out?

So some time in the next couple of months, most likely in late February or early March, I'm going to be heading up to the Cleveland Clinic, one of the world's most-respected hospitals. The reason this is happening is because I'm going to be having a life-changing surgery. But before you start snickering and asking if you can have my penis in a jar, read ahead.

I have a chest deformity known as Pectus excavatum, which is caused by excess cartilage around my sternum, causing the sternum to be turned inward. Because of this, my heart's turned at an awkward angle causing it to beat twice as hard and about a third more than it normally should. Also caused by the deformity is a lung disorder in my upper brachial tracts which causes me to be short of breath all of the time, and my left lung is significantly smaller than it should be. On top of that, it's caused me to develop Scoliosis, which I started to get in about eighth grade when I started to "grow." Because my chest wasn't growing but my shoulders were, I developed Scoliosis on top of my Pectus excavatum.

The surgery's going to rectify the problem -- hopefully. I'm not sure which procedure they're going to use as there are several. But they all involve placing a truss rod behind my sternum to straighten it out after they remove the excess cartilage. There's also a good chance that they're going to "place" my heart in its proper position. The rod will be left in my chest for a number of months until the surgeons feel my sternum is well in place and then they'll remove it. Then I'll probably have to go through a month or so of rehabilitation to learn how to breathe properly with my new-found lung capacity. The surgery will leave me in the hospital for about a week and a half and then I'll be "on the sidelines" as my doctor put it for about three months after that. I'll be able to do everything except lift and masturbate (not that I really do that a whole lot anyway but that was one thing he mentioned -- that bastard). I probably won't be able to scream or sing for my band for a couple of months either. But by June or July I should be good to go.

The thing about the surgery is that I'm scared to fucking death. This is a huge surgery and I could easily die during it (ironic -- I know). It used to be considered a cosmetic surgery until it was proven that it was a genetic defect (in my case it runs through my mother's side of the family) and that insurance companies are practically required to cover it now -- or at least most of the cost. But the fact remains that I could die during the surgery. They're going to be playing around my chest. Last time I checked that was a pretty important piece of equipment. So when I leave for my surgery and if I don't come back, make sure you all forget about me because I'm not important.

Then on top of that I have a Thyroid problem. I'm hypothyroid, which means I should be insanely large. But I'm not. Since my metabolism's so high, I'm not gaining weight like I should be. So I've got to see a doctor about that as well and find out what's wrong with me there.

Now focusing on emo-related topics: there's a girl. I'm fairly certain I can win her heart if I try but I need to hang out with her some time. Or at least talk to her on the Internet for a little while first. She's almost never online though to talk so I can't really ask her to hang out. But maybe some time next week when we all go sledding I'll invite her. Which will be really weird since two other girls I like could very well end up being there. And that would be horrible. Since they're both my friends. So I've been beating myself up over this as well.

Oh. And my face is cut up from shaving. Dammit.

 

WILL.

*hugs you...a LOT*

So when I leave for my surgery and if I don't come back, make sure you all forget about me because I'm not important.

DON'T YOU EVER...EVER say that to me. I read that and literally had to fight back tears. Don't even MENTION it.

Good luck with everything, love.

 

I had a similar situation, except less crucial, there was an option to fix my broken collarbone by operation, but they told me that it would be dangerous and my heart could be affected, and I'd have a large scar, so I'm sorry to say that I chickened out.

Good luck, Will. I hope everything goes well for you. *hugs*

 

I wish you the best, Will. I know the stress that comes from surgery (having been under the knife several times myself, and seen others go through too), and I know you'll get through. Just remember that all of LPA that isn't teenie or the like will be behind you 100%.

 

Will, uhm, not good in comforting and such, but don't be so nervous. I'm sure it will be okay. And ofcourse, noone will forget you. Psh. <3

 

Thanks all. I kind of feel better.

I'm sorry I almost made you cry, Amanda. I didn't mean to.

 

Oh, good luck, Will. I know this is scarey, but you'll be all right. Like Derek said, you'll feel so much better after it. You will probably even be amazed at how little you could actually breathe.

I have Scoliosis too. It runs on my dad's side of the family. It is getting kind of bad and causing hip, knee, and chest problems. I don't want to go to the doctor and I don't have health insurance at the moment so I can't even go to the chiropractor. Both my grandmother and cousin have metal rods down their entire spine. I'm scared to death that that is what they would want to do to me too. At least your metal would be taken out after a few months. I would have to learn how to walk again...hell, I would have to learn how to do EVERYTHING again. From sex to riding a bike. lol. I don't think I could ever get it done.

I'm sure you'll be just fine. Docotors know how to kill people and bring them back to life now. It will be for the best as I'm sure you know. You should focus more that you're going to have a better chance at being able to do everything and less chance of a heart attack.


And to all of you being emo about girl problems:

Many girls say they want a good boy, but want a bad boy at heart. They want to mistery and the excitement. At this point, girls aren't and shouldn't be ready to settle down, nor should you. Sex, dates, flirting, all things to do while you're young. Go out, have fun, experience new things.

Be cool. Dont' be needy. I'm sure that if you adopt the care free attitude, you'll get more interest.

And don't get too attached. Especially to someone who doesn't meet all of your needs. Be picky.

Just go out, have fun, and let them come to you. Self confidence is what makes the world go round.

 

derek...
seriously, she sounds like the female version of michael. and he is starting to talk to me again, which is what he does when he gets pissed off, not talk to me except like once a week to make sure i'm still alive, and try to worm his way back into my life. my thing is...oh well. you had your chance. get over it. you wanted out of my life you got it so what the hell are you still doing here? cuz i love him still, and to be quite honest i would go back out with him i he asked me. but i'm also not stupid. i know in my head that i am better than that. and when i find better, i will be there. and i won't look back. right now it's kinda hard cuz every guy seems like they are out to use me, and i wish i could find someone who loves me for myself. i have no doubt that he loves me, but if he's gonna be an asshole about it then i don't want to be part of his scheme to hurt me. it only makes me want to die. i gave him so much, no one has any idea what i gave up for him, and he just threw it back in my face. i only recently realized that he is not worth my time or effort if he is going to act like this.

so. the moral of my big long story that really has nothing to do with anything is that if this girl is gonna be a bitch then tell her you don't want anything to do with it if she's gonna be a bitch (but explain why you think that) and if she wants anything to do with you at all then she needs to grow up. even if you're hurting, don't let her see that cuz she's gonna use it to take advantage of you next time. trust me, i know.

 

Good luck Will, I couldn't say that enough man...your a good kid.

And here's a rant I just found...

She is beautiful, I remember when I first saw her I couldn't get her out of my mind. I woke up one morning so early and I thought about her for hours, I tried to sleep but all I could do was see her face and think about the next day, the day I was going to see her again, it turned out to be the day we kissed for the first time. So here I am now and things are feeling weird and a little unnatural. She is so different than anyone else I've met, she is something special in this world. I really want something with her but I don't even know where to start. Our first time together I looked at her I saw firelight; it relfected off the most beautiful eyes I've ever seen and I lost myself in them. If I know me and I know the past this will end soon, the only loop hole here is some kind of redemption from my recent history. I know deep down that things will be better when she is by my side. My only hope is that I figure that out soon enough to create an impact.

You see, love is that thin line between infatuation and complacency. Now, that being said I can surely say that I would only like to say it once more in my life, will you listen if I do? Do you think that you could lose yourself inside of me? I am growing closer to being able to say that I could die by your side one day. I feel a lot right now, but I dont know if I can ever tell her, is it too soon? What is the time frame? I've heard that great things happen all at once, is this one of those occasions? She may run away, she may laugh, but she might say it back. I don't know if I can risk it just yet, too many good things have ended too soon from the wrongs words spoken. I'm not sure the words exist that mean enough to me anyway. If I stay this way and keep this outlook we're gonna burn together and lose eachother together.

The real problem is that I am so guarded from the past. I've been dropped so many times that I've become fragile and weak. The more I see you, the more I realize that if there is anyone in this world who can save me from myself, it's you, and I know you can. There is so much spinning around inside my head that I just have to yell out STOP. I need to hear you say you love me always. It's only this once that I ask you to say it first and I will say the same to you, I promise. I hope you know that it is not your fault, and are you more than enough to get me past the past. If you're stong enough and you can see that I'm enough you can speak those 3 little words that mean so much. Only time will tell, and I can't wait, so tell me now, my love.

 

i just put in an order for a month's supply of prozac off the street.

i don't have insurance. and i need something. weed and alcohol aren't cutting it.

this is twice in the same week that i fell apart. i can handle it once every seven days, but not less.

i want to die. extremely badly. and i don't even know why.

hopefully this won't last as long as it did last time.

 

Just don't scare me like that.

 

Counselling?

 

i have no insurance, hence the reason i don't have any zoloft either.

i'm supposed to be on medication. i ca't afford it. my mother took me off the insurance when i turned 18, even though i could have stayed on until i was 19.

 

So...I'm really confused right now. I really like one of my friends, but my friend went out with him. (but it was only for about 4 days) but she absolutely HATES him. And I know for a fact that he likes me and is planning to ask me out, and I'm contemplating whether or not to say yes or not, because if I do my friend will give me all hell, but I'll end up hurting him by saying no..so either way I'm fucked.

 

you shouldn't suffer because it didn;t work out with you and your friend. i say give it a try. the worst that will happen is that your friend will get mad at you, but if it works out, eventually she should be happy for you or else she isn't really your friend.

 

I hate how; to some people, everything's a fucking tragedy.

 

let me start this by saying that i don't talk to my parents at all.

i heard today that someone broke INTO THEIR HOUSE AND STOLE ALL THE GAME SYSTEMS. i am not kidding. we had them all, xbox, ps2, psp's (like 4 of them) nintendo ds's, gamecube, everything, all the way down to a turbografix16 that no one ever heard of. (my parents own the pawn shop so we always get games and systems for mad cheap.)

they stole them all. everything. and games too.

my parents thought i had something to do with it. i really hate them but the only thing i would break into the house for would be my cat and she died.

(thats alright, first thing i did after i heard was call michael's mother and inform her cuz i thought it would be him)

i still felt bad. so i went to talk to them. it is christmas, after all.
i'm still not talking to them. it's not worth it, it didnt work out.

 

A brighter note for this thread:

I had a bad argument with my dad a couple of weeks ago. So bad that we weren't talking to each other. I was actually dreading Christmas because of our argument. This past Friday he was actually establishing conversations with me again. Maybe it was because Christmas was drawing nearer and nearer? I really don't know. On Christmas Eve my brother came home and my family and I had a great time together. Christmas Day, my dad was so happy with the gift I gave him. I burned (yes...burned lol) him a Robert Plant concert from this past June when he was in France. He loves it. The whole day was filled with such happiness. It's why I love Christmas so much. I could really care less about actual gifts. I got the one gift that wasn't on my list and that was my dad some-what burying the hatchet between him and I.



...now we'll see how long that lasts.