Got Something You Want To Let Out?

Nice one Andrea Good for you, I have no intention whatsoever of making amends with my dad, it's great that you can do that.

Anyway, I really, really hate it when people throw the L word around like it means nothing, and then expect it to mean something important. How am I supposed to care when he says "lauren i love you and you mean the world to me!" when he has "brb, love you lily!" as his personal message?

 

Look at it this way, Inter. You can be bitter towards your dad for however long you want, but when the day is done, to what end was that serving?

EDIT: I got Intergalactic and Mechanical mixed up, so I fixed it.

 

I know what you mean. The word is too vague.

 

Caermon and esaul@ you're right, i lveo you both hahaa

Woo, i get to watch my friend AND my mother throw their lifes away on a worhtless partnet! lucky me eh?

 

Wow Will, I wish you luck. Having to do that must be scary and I hope you do well. <3

 

I wish I was someone else. Just anyone else, other than me. I'm an asshole, i'm vain, i'm jealous. I'm a person who is somewhat of a wasted potential. I could be a better person, and could have a ton of friends, but I'm this ugly, bitter, sarcastic person who doesn't even open the invitation to change. I want things the way they always have been, but they never will be. I'm not willing to roll with the punches.

I want to change for the first time in my life, but I've come to realize that people can't see the half-way decent Casey I want to be for all the smoke coming from the bridges I've burnt with many. It's hard accepting that fact, because quite possibly the one person I'm willing to change for, not my first love, my parents or even my grandfather, but some amazing girl from California is quite possibly turning away from me because of who I never wanted to be.

I want to be that person that people like, and come to for advice on relationships because they have a good one. I want to be a person that treats people the way they deserve to be treated, not the way that I think they should be treated.

I'm tired of living my life a bitter person. I want to change, and change I will. 2006 is a time for new beginnings and change. With each passing year, a chance to change goes by. That train will not speed by me this time. No, it will stop for me and greet me with open arms.

 

Go Casey

So, uhm, just to add to everything that's going on, my friends has decided that he wants to date the girl that fucked up my second-to-last relationship. Through that relationship, I had to hear "She said to me that if I wasn't dating you and she wasn't dating Mike, we'd be together," at least once a fucking week. And now my friend is upset because I'm trying to warn him away from the lying whore, but he'd dead set on being with her. What the hell do I do? I'm trying to walk away from it all, but I can't.

 

I know you can, Casey.

 

A knife and a bottle of Lexapro sits infront of me. I don't know which to pick.

The relationship is a day away from exploding. I know she's going to pick him over me. How could she not? He's a musician and they have loads to talk about. I'm just some 16 year old who gets attatched easily. For the first time in my life, I actually don't want to be here. I'm seriously considering just going ahead and doing it. Girls aren't worth this, but having only a few friends is. I hate my life. I don't want to be me anymore. I don't want to be anyone.

This might be "emo" to a certain administrator, but it's how I feel. I've always made fun of people that think like this, but I think I finally get it.

I'm not worth a dime.

 

Casey, don't scare me. Okay? You know that if you ever went through with this I'd be a wreck as would a lot of the LPA, your family and your friends. Just the thought is making me freak out right now.

Please, it's not worth it. You're like a brother to me.

I love you and don't you dare question that.

 

casey, lexapro doesn't work trust me. it just makes your pupils explode. and knives are messy. it's better to scream and yell and cuss people out. i know how you feel. but it does get better. and why did you have the lexapro anyway...is it yours? cuz if you're trying to use it to kill yourself then you need a different one. sorry, but you do. it didn't work for me either, or a friend. just cuz it's new, i think. there are better ones out there, don't let this think that you are like destined to be depressed forever. unless it's not yours, then forget everything i just said.

and i know how mean people can be. especially when they don't understand. it's not really their fault they are ignorant, but they don't have to be so rude about it. if you need me, i will be here, i will talk to you. i know how hard things can get.

but above all, do not let anyone tell you that what you are feeling is wrong. people have killled themselves for less. and if they do, then i will beat the everliving shit out of them. what you need is people to support you, not make you feel worse.

besides, you have to stay around for the 4th season of nip/tuck. i mean, come ON! who else would i talk to about it?

 

i may not know you too well, but you shouldn't think like that. you ARE too "worth a dime," heck you worth MORE than that. not having a lot of friends is hard to deal with, but everything will be ok! =) i have a bit of experience with the friends thing. i'll be lucky if i can count all my friends on one hand! know body likes me where i live, and only a few will say 'hi' and that's what they consider as talking to me. please don't do what you are thinking of doing! =(

 

Always.

 

The agony has come and gone. Another year, 2 more relationships that have crashed & burned. I thought I could handle this one, but apparently I can't. Do I really need to change, or was it her fault? Was it my fault for jumping into it and not letting her understand how I am first? There's a million different scenarios that could have led to this being better, but in the end we both chose the way we did, and ended up at seperate roads.

Have a happy new year, everyone. I hope you all enjoyed this year, because I know 2005 has been one of the worst years of my life. Caught with drugs, a car wreck and losing two girlfriends. Can't get much worse, can it?

Probably.

 

The drug thing was just sleeping pills if I recall correctly, was it not?
I hope you have a better year in 2006

To everyone: I hope this year was a good year this year and next year, I hope you have a good year next year from this year. (Did you follow that?)

 

i was saying that he needs a different antidepressant if the one he is on is still making him have suicidal thoughts. if you are on an antidepressant and you end up still being suicidal, then you need a different one. that is what i said.