Got Something You Want To Let Out?

And the worst of it is that my aunt seriously can't take it anymore.

I can tell she's ready to explode from letting these feelings build up inside. She hasn't told anyone about this until last night when she ran to my dad. SHE OPENED UP TO MY FATHER. She wouldn't even tell my mom or her HUSBAND. She's afraid that what she's saying is wrong. She feels horrible talking about it.

I was talking to my dad about it last night and what he had to say scared me:

I don't want to believe that it's true. I love my cousin to death. I just can't bring myself to think about him the way the rest of my family does. he's like my brother. He basically IS my brother. I'm an only child and he's the one I always grew up with. He's like my best friend.

 

yeah, I know about thier chemical imbalance, but when they act like he did, there is no real excuse. I hate it when I can't cheer them up and they are just an ass.

I think he may be bi-polar or something. he has such ups and downs.

He really needs to get some real help.

 

Is he on meds?

Cause if he isn't, I don't care if he doesn't give a fuck or not, he needs it.

 

I dont' think he is, but he really really needs them.

Fuck....he was kinda harsh.

 

not an excuse. he needs to get a life. you are concerned and he's being an asshole. that's the end of it. get rid of him.

 

sorry about the double post, i don't know where else to put this.

my dad was murdered when i was 3, on january 12, 1991. today would be his 46th birthday. yeah, i am extremely upset about it, and i wonder what would happen if he was still alive. but what gets me is that my mother refuses to believe that he existed once. i mean, she has 3 kids by this man. he is half of me. she doesn't talk about him and she doesn't let us talk to his half of the family. beyond the merry christmas happy birthday stuff. it really upsets me. it isn't fair that she does this. but my brothers don't seem to care about it. they don't even pay attention. i feel bad because i feel like i am the only one honoring his memory, and yes i was only 3 when he died, but i do remember some things. i don't know what to do about it. always at this time of year i get upset like this because i feel like i am the only one and i can't talk to anyone about this. i don't know what to do.

 

I stole something oneday...but honestly i don't remember what was it!!

 

My dad can be a real asshole sometimes.

 

*empathy*

 

I'm almost 17, and the female gender still confuses me.

The "band" girl I wrote about earlier likes me alot apparently, but she doesn't want to date me because she feels like something is missing. Her friends don't understand it either. I gave the note she wrote me to my mother, and she thinks the band girl is insecure about herself, or something.

What could possibly be missing? I think she's amazing, she said I make her feel like someone else (she said I was incredible). She likes me alot, but she feels like something is missing? She claims it really makes her mad that she feels that way, too.

Blah. Women.

 

Most women are stupid and I don't understand a lot of them either.

And just so no one accuses me of being sexist: I am female.

 

i talked to my therapist yesterday for the first time since i turned 18 and she said that my brother told her the same thing, so i know that they are thinking about him too. i guess i should forget about it, there is nothing i can do about it now and it really doesn't make a difference if i sit here and wonder how things would be different if he was still alive.

my mom says if he was, i wouldn't have anything that i have now and they would be divorced. she doesn't know that. and i seriously think she's jealous cuz apparently he loved me more than he loved her. i was a daddy's girl.

oh well it's over and done with. people still talk about it, the resulting case against the guys that did it changed the law in delaware...and that is how tom capano got the death penalty.

my stepdad's mom decided to tell my sister (no not by blood but she is my baby sister and i don't care about all that shit) that we weren't related to her because we didn't have the same parents. bullshit. of course she doesn't believe it though. still. that is harsh.

 

Today this ex-gangster/druggy came into my school and talked about how he found god. And you know what? I think he's made a lasting impression.

 

lol, I know what she means though because I do the same exact thing. I don't care how much I like someone, I am always way too super picky about who I go out with. I mean, if something isn't quite right, then why go through the heartbreak?

For me, things have to kind of be perfect(well...not quite perfect), or I had to fall in love with them already. It is frustrating for her because she wants you but something in her mind is holding her back. It could be anything, but something is wrong....it may even be the underlying fear of actually being swept off her feet by you. maybe you're too good and it's a little scary.

Hopefully she gets it all straightened out for you.

I think that people are just generally confusing. Most of them don't even really know what they want.

 

You'll never understand women, you better get over it right now .

Seriously, if you just... get away for a while... she'll maybe see how much she needs you if it's the case.

 

Rosana, I think your mom did not allow that cause it was harsh on her and to cover up she says things which she may not mean and she may not realise that she's being insensitive. Well, it's really sad I can't say I know exactly how you feel because your pain is really deep, but hopefully you'll be okay, and try to talk to your mom with your siblings.


Casey, some times I hardly know my own sex. Pfft, women.

 

Oh my god...

German speaking exam tomorrow. Bah, stick me in a room with a load of non-english-speaking Germans, and I'm fine. Make me memorise 3 pages of German and stick me infront of a tape recorder, I can't fucking do it. I am really, really going to struggle. it sucks because if I don't get my German GCSE, i can't learn it in college, I can't do a German degree, therefore I can't be a fucking teacher >.< This is just testing my memory, not my freaking German, and I'm going to fail, big style. Everything either comes out in the wrong order, or doesn't come out at all.

 

You worry now, young padawan. Do fine, you will when the time comes.

[/Yoda]

You'll do great, love.