Non-Racist Jokes Thread

Little Timmy and little Susy were playing in the sandbox together and Susy said to Timmy, "Timmy, what's a penis?" Timmy responded with, "I don't know, let me go and ask my dad." So Timmy ran home and said to his dad, "Daddy, what's a penis?" Timmy's dad then pulled down his pants and said, "Son, this is a penis, and it happens to be the best penis in the world."

Timmy said, "Thanks dad" and ran back to the sandbox where Susy still sat playing. Timmy pulled down his pants and said, "Susy, this is a penis, and it would be the best penis if it was 2 inches shorter."


Anyone get it?

 

What do you get when you cross an owl with a bungey cord?





- MY ASS. nAhhhh! nAhhh! nAhhh!!

 

One day, a little boy wrote to Santa Clause, "Please send me a sister."
Santa Clause wrote him back, "Ok, send me your mother."

What do you get when you cross a donkey with an onion?
A piece of ass that brings tears to your eyes!

Why did the boy eat his homework?
Because his teacher said it was a peace of cake!

What do Michael Jackson and plastic bags have in common?
They are both made out of plastic and are dangerous for children to play with

In school one day, the teacher decided that in science class she would teach about the elements. So she stood in the front of the class and said, "Children, if you could have one raw element in the world what would it be?"
Little Stevie raised his hand and said, "I would want gold, because gold is worth a lot of money and I could buy a Porsche."

The teacher nodded and called on little Susie.

Little Susie said, "I would want platinum, because platinum is worth more than gold and I could buy a Corvette"

The teacher smiled and then called on Little Johnny. Little Johnny stood up and said, "I would want silicon."

The teacher said, "Why Johnny?"

He responded by saying, "Because my mom has two bags of it and you should see all the sports cars outside our house!"

 

are blondes a race...

 

One guy went to the circus' manager and said:
- I want to be in the circus. I can imitate birds!
- Nah we have plenty of people who can imitate birds we don't need people with such skills in our circus.
Dissapointed the guy opened the window and flys away...

 

lmao

:chemist:

 

(If your car is insulted) Well, it rides better than Yo mama.

 

An Affair? Don't Deal With It Like This...

A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. Then one day she comes home and finds her husband with a beautiful redhead sitting on the couch. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps up off the couch, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself. Hysterically the blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"


[ http://www.eefactor.com/blondejokes.shtml ]

 

Great jokes everyone. LOL.

 

have u heard of the edit button?

dont double post please

 

Elie - No double-posting.

 

nice and short yet funny
NOW! here's a long one...but it's funny, people!

Three turtles, Joe, Steve, and Raymond, decide to go on a picnic. So Joe packs the picnic basket with cookies, bottled sodas, and sandwiches. The trouble is, the picnic site is 10 miles away, so the turtles take 10 whole days to get there. By the time they do arrive, everyone's exhausted. Joe takes the stuff out of the basket, one by one. He takes out the sodas and says, 'Alright, Steve, gimme the bottle opener.' 'I didn't bring the bottle opener,' Steve says. 'I thought you packed it.' Naturally, Raymond doesn't have it, so the turtles are stuck ten miles away from home without soda.

Joe & Steve beg Raymond to turn back home and retrieve it, but Raymond flatly refuses, knowing that they'll eat everything by the time he gets back. After about two hours, the turtles manage to convince Raymond to go, swearing on their great-grand turtles' graves that they won't touch the food.

So, Raymond sets off down the road, slow and steadily. Twenty days pass, but no Raymond. Joe and Steve are hungry and puzzled, but a promise is a promise. Another day passes, and still no Raymond, but a promise is a promise. After three more days pass without Raymond in sight, Steve starts getting restless. 'I NEED FOOD!' he says with a hint of dementia in his voice. 'NO!' Joe retorts. 'We promised.' Five more days pass. Joe realizes that Raymond probably skipped out to the diner down the road, so the two turtles weakly lift the lid, get a sandwich, and open their mouths to eat. But then, right at that instant, Raymond pops out from behind a rock, and says, 'Just for that, I'm not ####### going.'

 

LMFAO THATS GREAT!

 

A mollusk walked up to a sea cucumber and the sea cucumber turns to the mollusk and says, "With fronds like these, who needs anemones?"

got that from finding nemo

 

Sorry about that, I didn't realize no one posted (they were posted a while apart..), i'll pay more attention next time

 

some jokes are very good. but on some of them I forget how to laugh.

 

Your joke was not funny at all

 

Your joke was not funny at all [/b][/quote]
Your posting in threads to get more posts isn't funny either.