The Fanboy Bible

User Name · Jun 26, 2003

Someone posted this on the C&C Generals Forums.

I have posted this on other sites and many people found it funny. Seeing as there are a few people here that qualify in a few areas on the list I wanted to post it.

BTW, If you dont know what a fanboy is, or have never seen a fanboy in action, you prolly wont find it as funny.

Also note: StrikeEagle is me.

Updated June 25th, 2003.

Here is the fanboy bible.
(Note: This is meant to be humorous, as well as a bit factual, Loosen up.)

The Ten Commandments for fanboys:

1) Thou must act like your 11 years old or younger and conduct your discussions as such.

2) Thou must spew insults whenever possible

3) Thou must own only one console but act like and say you own(ed) another.

4) Say everyone you know has your console.

5) The only real relationship thou shall have is with your system because it doesn’t slap you when you kiss it.

6) Thou shall force other people at the store to buy the console you own even though it might hurt the little kids heart when they knows they aren’t getting the system they want.

7) Thou shall hang out at gamestores and chat with the employee until asked "are you going to buy something sir?"

8) Thou shall not listen to reason.

9) In order to be a respected fanboy, thou shalt always deny being a fanboy despite comments and actions to the contrary.

10) Thou must try ANYTHING to get attention

General Conduct
Chapter I: Consoles.

A) If I can’t afford the console, or my mommy and daddy won’t by it for me, it must suck. Even if I don’t know the facts and even if it outsells my console or more people play online with it. Whether it’s more powerful or has more/better games it still sucks!

B) If anyone makes a statement that even remotely suggest one console (one I don’t have) is better, even if they own all three, they are bias, and must fall victim to my crap and spam slinging. Again, ignoring the fact that it’s just their opinion.

C) I must go to the opposing console’s website and spread my vile message and blast the console. Spaming and annoying its members so I can feel better about the console mommy bought me.

D) The whole world revolves around the console I own, and anyone else who thinks otherwise must be flamed until they are destroyed.

E) If someone I’m arguing with points out some "facts", I must say he made them up.

F) If the above occurs, but he lists reference(s) I will disregard them and began insulting him in a 11 year old fashion

G) If I hear something about another console that is unproven. It automatically becomes fact. If someone asks for a reference, I will ignore them or abandon the thread/discussion.

H) If someone I’m arguing with points out some "facts", but along the way made a typo. I must ignore the facts made and exploit the typo to the maximum level.

I) If I get a job at store that specializes in video games, I will promote the console I own to every customer that comes into the store. If they request to purchase Console A, and i own Console B, i will tell them how far superior console B is to console A. I will lie, cheat and say things like "I was talking to Console B's rep, and they said game X is coming out on Console B"…

J) If the customer persists in purchasing a game or system for Console A, I will insult their purchase and tell them they're making a mistake.

Chapter II: Games

A) If there is a game for my console that is also on another console, by default my version is better without contest.

B) If a magazine or website says that my version of the game is the best, they are cool and right on. But God forbid they say one of the other consoles has a better version, the will feel my wrath of boycotting their site and un-subscribing to there magazine/website.

C) If a game developer decides to not develop for my console (but will for other consoles) based on a business decision. Or a developers decide they no longer want a certain title to be exclusive, they MUST be boycotted and stabbed in the back despite the fact that I know nothing about the business world or own my own business because I’m a two year old.

D) I must have the largest game library for my console to compensate for lack of size in “other” areas.

E) If there is an exclusive game coming out for my console, I must say its going to be the best ever made despite the fact that it hasn’t even seen the light of day yet.

F) If there is a game on any console, including my own, that I suck at and find to hard, it automatically sucks and I must spam and spew my hatred towards it, and anyone who owns it.

G) If there is a game I can’t afford or my mommy won’t buy for me. It is automatically not worthy of buying, and I must then go about the boards telling people who own it that its not “all that”

H) Any game I buy automatically "Owns" (unless it violates rule F.)

I) Graphics make a game unless the above occurs (see F and H).

J) If a game for an opposing console comes out that gets bad reviews, I will bash the game and console despite my console having its share of crappy games.

K) If the majority feels a game is good, then the game is good by FACT.

L) If a game has characters and a game title that were seen in other forms (music, movies, TV etc.) like enter the matrix, then it is a must buy, even if its $200.

M) Even though I have the intellect of a 12 year old, I somehow know I can do a better job than the creators of the other game who have had many years of schooling and personal experience.

This concludes the Fanboy bible. Now followers of the devil, go spew your wisdom!

Written and edited by StrikeEagle
Click to expand...

sup103 · Jun 26, 2003

You have C&C Generals?

User Name · Jun 26, 2003

It doesn't work on my computer, but I do enjoy making fun of the idiots on there.

TaOuk · Jun 27, 2003

C&C Generals SUCKS!!!!!!!!!! Renegades is much better

sup103 · Jun 27, 2003

Originally posted by TaOuk@Jun 27 2003, 12:27 AM
C&C Generals SUCKS!!!!!!!!!! Renegades is much better
Click to expand...

Are you nuts? Renegade isnt even a true C&C game, its an FPS.

TaOuk · Jun 27, 2003

yeh true but i hated Generals, I played it for like 10 mins and got sick of it. yeh your right, renegade is a fps, i dont know why i mentioned it :wth:

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The Fanboy Bible

User Name Angry Marines. Always angry, all the time. >:C LPA Super Member

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User Name Angry Marines. Always angry, all the time. >:C LPA Super Member

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The Fanboy Bible

User Name Angry Marines. Always angry, all the time. >:C LPA Super Member

sup103 Ambient

User Name Angry Marines. Always angry, all the time. >:C LPA Super Member

TaOuk Well-Known Member

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