(intro) Lies... Misery... Pain... Blood flowing Sorrow... Agony... Promises... Love Fading (.....) (chorus) I can only hope to turn away from all the memories, from all the pain i can never forget, and i cannot hate so i can only hope to turn away the terrible silence of lies between us all your promises, shattered, unmade you've becom part of me, engraved in my soul, thus i can only hope to turn away (.....) (couplet) when your love fades the promises unmade i want to hate but i cannot hate i'm still in love but you are not and it's not enough for 'us' to hold memories unfold flashbacks to times when all was allright now told in rhymes (...) (chorus) I can only hope to turn away from all the memories, from all the pain i can never forget, and i cannot hate so i can only hope to turn away the terrible silence of lies between us all your promises, shattered, unmade you've becom part of me, engraved in my soul, thus i can only hope to turn away (.....) thinking of your lies it pains me inside thinking of my life makes me want to die and all i have.. is memory... of misery... and agony... you're dead to me! (bridge) Dieeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! just, Dieeeeeeeeeeeeeee! go, a-waaaaaaaaaaaaaay! leave, meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! with my mi-se-ryyyyyyyy! and your, lieeeeeeeeeeeeees! my,own,de-miiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiise! i'm,torn,a-paaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaart! iiii cryyyyyyyyyyyyy.... (chorus) I can only hope to turn away from all the memories, from all the pain i can never forget, and i cannot hate so i can only hope to turn away the terrible silence of lies between us all your promises, shattered, unmade you've becom part of me, engraved in my soul, thus i can only hope to turn away (.....) (chorus) I can only hope to turn away from all the memories, from all the pain i can never forget, and i cannot hate so i can only hope to turn away the terrible silence of lies between us all your promises, shattered, unmade you've becom part of me, engraved in my soul, thus i can only hope to turn away (.....)
actually i came up with the chorus and first couplet as seperate poems, and decided they looked well together. and no, i totally wasn't thinking of linkin park when i wrote this song.
Not to be offensive but this just seems really messy, it's like some parts don't belong and you've jamed them in.
This is not to be offensive, or anything else, but right off the bat, I can tell you that the intro is kinda wack. And dragging out the words liiiiiikeeee thiiiiss just makes it harder to read. I can understand why you did it, but it threw me off while I was reading it. This shows some promise, just rework it so that the parts flow. Right now, the transitions are kind of jarring and abrupt.