あなた The damp ground beneath us I feel as if I'm sinking into it It's just the way you look at me I feel as if I've died. Surely there is a heaven I can sense it in your coldness Even if it is not inhabited with angels and is the blackest hole I'll ever fall into I couldn't help but to walk ahead in the gloom Why does it feel so natural? These feelings are quite absurd But when our hands touch - there are needles digging restlessly But don't sew this misunderstanding shut because around you I blush in crimson and there is no open book to distract me from the mystery's you exhale あなたは静かな好奇心の色 あたしが見る遠方の声です 優しい目は心をじっと見て And in this rain the wetness grows as the ground beneath us dampens I wonder why it feels so natural To feel your lips on my own And in this rain I lust for you And right now It wouldn't matter if I'd never saw another sky of blue --------- (Japanese Translation) -anata wa shizuka na koukishin no iro- -atashi ga miru enpou no koe- -yasashii me wa kokoro jitto mite- You are the quiet color of curiosity A distant voice that I see A gentle eye firmly looking through my heart --------
I enjoy this poem, despite the fact that I feel it doesn't flow very well. Some parts seem to wordy, others not enough. However, I like the images you created here. Especially this transition: My favorite part has to be the Japanese portion. Then again I love the Japanese language.
Well, at most. I was trying to write a Japanese poem, in english. Which would mean it wouldn't have a very good flow The only reason I felt the absolute need to include the japanese is because I didn't think that anyone would understand that the speaker of the poem is female, though, if they don't understand japanese I cause they wouldn't get it anyway. I should have put notes. hmm so.. some notes on the poem. Notes: Anata means "You" in Japanese, it is also used as a "Dear" Atashi is the feminine pronoun "I, myself, my" , going by that, the speaker of the poem is a girl.(most likely)
Yeah the Japanese actually helped me realize that. Years of watching anime and listening to J-Pop has done me well.
This is really great. And that goes for all the other poems you posted recently, I loved them all. I don't have anything much to add except keep up the good job and post some more.