I posted this, asked for opinions, and now this is the edited version. Thanks in advance for giving me your completely honest opinion. ---------------- Safe talk, what the hell does that mean You've been borrowing traits From a vending machine There were times when you could light up a stage But the year's left you changed Now you light up the street Lately you've been torn at the seams And I've sewn up your jeans But I can't cut you free Ghost hearts, when the tide is just right They can come back to life Better left out to sea Chorus: You've been caught between The different phases that stuck to me And maybe you were the one Between the victim and the smoking gun I was so wrong to think That any amount of change could fix The way you'd hit the floor Closed your eyes and invited more Bad news from the Polaroid front Once a picture of trust Now a frame we forgot Red lights always made up your mind It felt better to hide Than to make yourself stop False high from the graveyard shift You're just counting the hours Wishing they could turn back Pulses and an absence of God Maybe that's all we are Maybe we're proud of that
Wonderful as always, Darcylove. There were a couple of parts in the last version that I really liked, but this one seems slightly better. I can't seem to decide which chorus I like best. The last three lines in both poems are great.
I thought the verses were very cool. Urban metaphors = <3 Seriously, though, I really like this. And since its a song...it'll kick serious ass with some good music...The meaning isn't overly philosophical but it does make you think...
Thanks <3 I love urban metaphors. They're my favorite things to write. I think I like the chorus to this one better than the other one. It means more. I really like the last lines of both of them so I think I'm going to write another verse so I can include all of the things I like.