I feel you, my mind is stuck on Chester's death too. Every single thing in life reminds me it's over for him but I know it's very difficult for others to understand that... I can tell it totally upsets people around me. I hate that but I feel comfort in being alone rather than in trying and going with other people. Even at my job, I provide a very bad work. My colleagues see I am sad but they will never have a kind word for me, they're always rude and mad. I feel some of them want me to quit this job but I can't, I need this job. These days, I was considering the option of maybe visiting a therapist. Speaking here with you all (for me it counts a lot because it's been a very long time since I spoke straight from my heart and stopped hiding my feelings!), helped me see my situation more clearly. For those who read my first post on this thread, you know I'm terrified to see a psychologist because of my first very bad experince which made things even worse for me. My therapist was not on my side when I spoke to him (the person I was talking about was his friend and a lot of things were made behind my back) and I can't figure to put my trust once again on a therapist... My job eats also all of my time during the week, so I am only free on weekends. But I am wondering, how to get better without this outside help?