Discussion in 'Chester Bennington' started by Kevin, Jul 24, 2017.
Yes <3 I'm watching tv but it's still there in a corner of my mind... It's there everytime ..
Yep, same. And it seems the longer I'm not actively thinking about it, the worse it gets when I remember again. Let me know if you want to talk <3
I do. As much as you feel like you're not caring or ignoring, you are actually doing yourself a favor. To be honest, you still care and you aren't ignoring it when you do so. You are giving your brain a chance to relax and sort it out. To obsess and think about it constantly is truthfully unhealthy. I know we get constant reminders in our brain, but that's because its still fresh in our minds. When the thought does pop in there, try to think of and remember the good things. Whatever you do, try not to obsessively dwell. Use that energy somewhere else, creatively. Taking a mental break is normal and a healthy behavior.
This carousel of emotions will eventually stop. Your brain is actively beating yourself up mentally. Try to break the cycle by creatively writing or drawing. Even if you think it's not good. It's good to let that anguish out. Help yourself cope.
Thank you so much <3 It really helps not feeling this alone. Being alone with my own mind is so bad and truly hard to handle. My heart's just so broken. It feels so ripped out and still don't get how I can be this affected tho I never met him (god I never will and it kills me inside now) and I don't even notice in my daily life that he isn't there anymore... But I can feel it physically in my chest you know? It feels like something big and heavy is sitting there.
@Louis, thank you for all these encouraging words, I't so nice to have this place, someone, to talk to and share our feelings. I'm sorry to hear about your girlfriend and your friend, we never know what life brings and how much time we have left with people around us but it's important not to ask ourselves ''what ifs'', we mus try to let go and cherish and remember all the good times we had with that person. If we keep asking ourselves ''what ifs'' we're in a vicious circle of living in the past and then we're stuck, it's a half life. That's the hardest thing to accomplish but life must go on and we must do everything we can to try to make it as beautiful as possible,
For months after my uncle died I had a paralyzing fear sth would happen to my parents, mostly when I went to bed. It was so overwhelming I couldn't sleep and it took me months to get over it. Now it's happening again. My parents aren't suicidal but they might not be here tomorrow and it's terrifying and confusing, to accept a person's mortality, As I'm writing this, I'm crying, again, All the good work I've been doing is gone, back to square one. I was feeling so good today and suddenly, I was out actually making jokes and genuinly laughing for the first time since this happened when reality struck: Chester is gone. I had to excuse myself, go home, lock myself in the room and start crying. I watched his last performance of OML, he was alive and well. Now he's lying somewhere cold and there will be his funeral soon, him in a ground never to be seen again. Eveyrone says one step at a time but it feels like, Lynn said, one step forward, two steps backwards. I also feel selfish because the rest of them and the family must be feeling hundred times worse. Hope to get some kind of closure soon, something to look forward to. I just feel grateful my parents aren't home because I would be a stupid child who cries over nothing and they'd think I'm crazy.
You have to do something, creatively or not, go out, run, talk to your friends. You have to keep yourself healthy and look after yourself. There's nothing wrong with wanting to get better, it's not forgetting or ignoring. It would be bad not to break the dark circle. Chester will always be in your heart if you let him, he won't go away.
@Doridorica thank you so much... And I feel so sorry for everything what happened to you <3 I want him to be there forever. It sound stupid but it even drives me crazy not knowing where he is now and if he is anywhere... I'm scared of thing I can't imagine and thing I do not understand. Everything is hard at the moment.
Nothing sounds stupid, not one of our feelings are stupid in a situation like this. Confusing and overwhelming- yes but not stupid. When we suffer there are no stupid questions and thoughts just irrational ones. I keep replying the suicide scene in my head, before and after and it scares me to think like that because he was so alone and hurt and I wish somebody could have helped him. But we have to accept his demons and blame depression. One day it will be better, soon.
Daytimes I sometimes think that I might overcome it soon but nighttimes it always hits me again and I have a feeling of never getting any better.
One day at a time, baby steps, try to breathe, It has to become easier.
Absolutely! He's been so patient and understanding.
Yes. I was telling a friend today, about how opening up to you guys on this forum has helped me. Today's the first day since, that day, that I attempted to eat all three meals at appropriate times... Seriously guys. Thanks a lot. For listening. And helping out.
I understand Barush. I'm in the same boat. But like Louis said, I kept a very small goal for myself today. To try and have my meals regularly. So while I still spent the day listening to his voice, I made a conscious effort to start eating again. Tomorrow, it's cleaning. Set some small goals for yourself too. It may help.
I was sitting at work today on my own and swear I saw Chester in the doorway out of the corner of my eye. Felt so comforted by that for a brief moment. I'm going to get therapy soon as this has made me realise how bad my mental health has got recently. Seriously depressed again. Worse thing is I am a mental health therapist. Just shows we are all affected regardless of who we are
I wish you luck.You are strong enough to do this. My therapy is here <3
It is good here. Found it helpful
Did anyone of you hear the police phone call that's been posted first from TMZ? It wast the worst idea I made - listen to that
I saw they posted it....I refused to listen. I don't need that in my head space as I'm having a hard enough time just being a functioning human being I am furious they would post it, and that they are following his wife and children around and posting their pictures.
It's okay. If you find it difficult to view that kind of material, then don't look at it. At this stage in time, you're going to see a lot of open-grieving and condolences online. So if you need to step away from that, that's okay.
Mike has been really good about this. To be the first person to come online and really confirm the news must have been such a trying moment. He knows, though, that he's probably the most outspoken and frequent user of social media of the group - he understands that most fans follow him and pay attention. So good of him to keep the fans in mind during such a trying time. The photo he shared yesterday, too, was really nice to see - the first photo the band ever took together. Sad, but nice to see.
@One More Lotus, thank you for that message. Yes, the Shoutbox is also another opportunity to engage in a conversation with your fellow LP fans who are grieving with you. Sometimes engaging with other people, even if they're not talking about this in particular, can be helpful during trying times.
Thank you for sharing these, @Brandon. Very helpful!
As others have said, it doesn't sound stupid. Love is not a stupid thing. None of this is stupid or silly in any way. I see a lot of that coming up in this thread, which I understand, but these are real emotions during real trying times. Don't dismiss them - embrace them!
And we love you too. Thank you for sticking with us and for being strong during this tough time. We are here for you - always.
That is always a part of the grief as well - knowing how those close to someone might feel when they are gone. That empathetic grief can be just as tough to deal with, considering how well we know Mike and how close those two were. And while it's hard to imagine not seeing those two together again, appreciate the times they were together - the thoughtful and funny interviews they gave us. We'll never lose those.
Try your best to sleep. Sleep is so important during this time. What helps me is to listen to comedy or sports radio as I fall asleep to distract me from my thoughts. I'd recommend doing that if you're having difficulty calming your mind down.
These all great ways to express yourself and to take your mind off of the grief. Thanks for sharing that, @hybrid.
Definitely. There is no right or wrong way to process grief, apart from hurting yourself/others or thinking that certain ways are right or wrong. Sometimes distractions from pain are really important. You need to know what it's like to feel a little more normal so that you can find your way back to it. While I do say often to embrace and appreciate your grief, it's okay to seek reprieve from it through other activities and thought exercises.
Agreed. Forcing your mind to do any particular thing, whether it be to grieve or to deliberately think about something else, is not always helpful. But just engaging yourself in some other activity can be enough to more easily take your mind off of the grief and the sadness and channel energy into something more relaxing or productive. Telling yourself to think or not to think doesn't help, but just doing something else does.
We understand. Grief is difficult to process alone, and grief is so deeply individual and personal that it can always feel like we're going through it alone. Please remember you are surrounded by a community of people going through the exact same thing, and people who are here for you.
If you can remember why you love Chester and why you love Linkin Park, then the answer to why you feel so affected is right in front of you. Simply put, you cared about him and the band, and felt impacted by him and the band's music. It's completely understandable. That music is a part of you, so it still feels like a significant loss. I know exactly what you mean - this is normal.
Of course. And I agree, "What if" is a pretty horrific question (though completely normal and sensible to ask during trying times). It does leave us stuck, and it doesn't help us move on. We have to move on from "what if" to "it is what it is" and accept what life has put before us.
I have struggled with the issue of my mortality and that of those I love for a few years now. I know exactly what you mean. When someone dies, all we can think about is how devastating that is, and how hard it would be to lose someone even closer. The good work you've done is not lost - you are simply revisiting very difficult topics and feelings in your mind. Sometimes, when we've gone through serious grief and think that it is typical to feel so bad, our mind self-corrects to bad thoughts. Most mornings, my mind floods with pretty shit things. "Rachel's gone. Trevor's gone. I wonder if my parents are alive." It's odd, for the mind to bring those up in moments when you're feeling just fine. It happens, and you have to overcome that. You've done it before, so you can do it again!
Don't fixate on thoughts about where Chester is. Now I understand why you are - it happens when someone dies. I couldn't stop envisioning my friend killing himself for weeks, and couldn't comprehend how he ever got to that point - so this is normal. But try your best to distract yourself when those thoughts come to mind, because those thoughts hurt the most and don't help you in any way, you know? And you shouldn't feel selfish about your own grief - it means you cared! Emotions by their very nature are personal and self-concentrated - so by definition, they are selfish, but not in a bad way. It's just you and how you are feeling, which is completely okay. And if anything, the family finds comfort knowing they are not alone either - that a world of people cared about Chester the way they did.
We will find closure soon enough, as will Chester's family and friends - not to worry. And don't say that you're a stupid child crying over nothing. Stop shaming your emotions. That is unhealthy and it only doubles how awful you are feeling. I spent years feeling ashamed of feeling sad until I went to therapy, and someone had to tell me to stop feeling bad for feeling completely normal emotions. So I'm telling you now to stop doing that, because you will always feel that much worse when hard times hit. These are normal - completely normal - feelings. Chester meant something to you, so it's okay to feel sad. You are not crazy - you are normal and you are human. Any thought otherwise is not true, and only hurting you. We are all feeling the heaviness of this like you, so please know you're not alone and that this is all a part of life.
It doesn't sound stupid (gosh, you all keeping saying that - stop that!), that is normal. He meant something to you so you want him around, and you want to know where he is. Don't be scared of what you can't imagine and understand. Life is full of that, so you must accept it and only worry about what is under your control. Life becomes a lot easier once you can do that. We know how hard this all is, so hang in there. We are here for you.
Absolutely. Right on the money here. This is all normal, and certainly overwhelming.
Of course, night is when it is hardest. We are alone with our thoughts. Listen to some sort of podcast or comedy or something to distract yourself and let yourself sleep. That can help.
That's really great to hear. Stick to it! And of course - always here for you.
A great strategy. Small steps. Thank you for sharing that!
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