Discussion in 'Serious Chat' started by Todd, Apr 2, 2007.
I feel so stressed out right now. Holy shit.
'I've even wondered if we should be getting under these sheets. We could lie in this bed but its empty. It's empty. Maybe we're trying. Trying too hard. Maybe we're torn apart. Maybe the timing is beating our hearts. We're empty' -Empty(The Click Five)
Have you ever been in a stiuation wherein everything seems to be perfect and happy but you can't feel anything not even happiness or sadness? Joram is always perfect to my family, friends and to people who knows our love story. When we parted ways, it was a 'good' goodbye. No hatred or anything. It's been 3 years since we lost communication and now, he's back. People are so excited. Everything seems to be in a right place except to me. I don't know if this is God's will that he's now here again to make me feel better after I lost my heart to Anthony but one thing for sure, I'm not going to start a new relationship just for the sake of having one. I don't want to be unfair to him. Joram is always special and will always be. He's always be a part of my life and I don't want to used him. When we talked over the phone, I felt different. There's always a special beat for past love but now it's lacking of something--an energy, a drive, a spark. I don't know. Honestly, If I'm going to look inside my heart it's empty. It's not a numb feeling or confused. It's just blank. It's not even a sad feeling. It's like you're sitting in a cafe, you're eating cake but instead of being happy, you're thoughtless. That's it. He invited me last Friday to watch his band playing in Garahe and I didn't replied to him. I know he's trying and I know I'm killing his pride. I don't want to play games. I don't want also to let Joram see I have other guy. I would prefer him to have a new girl than me having a new guy. I don't want to hurt him at the same time my feelings for him is like a body without a soul, it's empty. This is a weird feeling. I think I'm not ready to any possibilities. I'm making a huge, absurd and honest move.
I feel like I'm missing something important.
GOD FUCKING DAMN IT I HATE THIS. FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK.
What's up dude? We're here for you.
I don't fucking believe what's going on back home. My friend is seeing that psycho bitch again behind our backs and she's stalking a few of my friends. She's managed to hack into my mates facebook account and see that we're going to a standup show and a gig in december and she's just announced on her facebook she's going to both too which is strange considering neither event would have appealed to her in the past. I also found out that that satanic bible I found in my living room in January is more than likely hers because she left one at my friends house and aother mate has also found one under his bed and she's been to all 3 houses (back when she seemed like a nice normal girl) - NONE OF US ARE INTO THAT FUCKED UP SHIT. This girl is truly fucking psycho.
I feel lost again and I don't even know why this time. Everything is ok between her,though not exactly where I would like it to be but its getting better everyday, and that use to be the main source of my problems in recent weeks. So whats going on with me?. Why do I feel sad=/. (sigh) how come life couldn't be simpler. I'm only 16 years old and I hardly enjoy my days anymore. I hardly sleep anymore the only way I can is if im like waked on cough medicine and that knocks me out and not just an average dose either I have double what an adult sized man should have just to take me down because the normal dose doesnt do it. It's amazing how things go up and down so quickly. Like a rollercoaster. I wish I could go back to mid october where I was happy and feeling great about myself. now here in mid november no less then a month later I feel like crap and have become so unsure, not only about others but,about myself. I don't know anymore guys. I just dont know
Maybe you feel beautiful because you are!
Also about the liking thing , the thing about that is that she confessed to me that she did indeed love me. That was about a year and a half ago? She knew I was still in love with someone else anyway, though I did confess to liking her then... hmm
what is so "psycho" about the Satanic Bible, might I ask? I cherish my copy.
Nothing psycho about the satanic bible but don't you think it's a little weird that someone goes to someone's house and hides a copy of the satanic bible there? Not even Jehovahs witnesses leave bibles with you...
I forgot to mention this girl also has a human skeleton underneath her bed. She says she aqquired it using her medical practician license but medical student or not I don't think anyone in their right mind would want a skeleton under their bed.
I dunno, call me old fashioned but this girl is weird.
It's a good way to get people interested in Satanism, I guess. But yeah, that is pretty weird. You said she used to seem normal? Something obviously happen between then and now to make her personality change to that extreme. I don't know if you actually care about trying to find out what's up and maybe help (I can't say I'd blame you if you didn't ), but all of this seems like a huge cry for help, maybe, but more than likely she's just starved for attention though.
in the last 14 days i attended 6 shows.
rise against, thursday
a day to remember, bring me the horizon
feeling unbelievable happy and epic. any other feeling would be unnatural .
It's more than likely attention. Me and my friends are caring people and would help her, but she's done so much to piss us off in this past year that we could care less about her now.
Bub's getting a bit heavy....
So I think I figured out the problem is me. I need to get my life together before she can get involved. Maybe I need to seek health
I'm getting tired of having a random thought and then having it come true. I know it sounds stupid and I'm not expecting anyone to believe me, especially when I do think about something so random that I don't bother to tell anyone so there is no 'proof', but it is still strange.
Latest example, for anyone that wants to know: There has been a woman missing for just over a year now, she lived less then 5 minutes from my house, (we didn't know her or anything, but we live in a small ass town so it was still strange) and we found out there was going to be a news conference about the police finding her body today. On the way home we passed by a road we always pass by, and I was about to say "I bet they found her somewhere off Hester Road", but of course I didn't. That would be stupid. Of all the wooded areas around here, there's no way she could be anywhere near there.
News conference a few minutes ago said they found her off of Sam Moss Hayes Road. And here is a google map: http://tinyurl.com/ybxnbn7
WTF. I know I can't prove this or anything, but it's still crazy to me. Of course it would've actually helped to 'find' this out a long time ago, and since they had already found her it doesn't help any, but still.. I should open my mouth more.
So its finished. she is out of my life for good
She probably wont sign on here anymore thank God
Jacob: You broke up with her? Why did you do that?
She said someone else was giving her "butterflies" fuck that
No point in sticking around
I dont care anymore
She is no different than every other girl that has come and gone
I'm sorry to hear this hon...I know you were having a hard time dealing with your relationship recently and I'm really sorry that it turned out negatively. Listen, if she's meant to be, you'll find your way back to each other.
I hope you're okay! If you ever need someone to talk to, send me a PM whenever
Thank you Arlene
I apperciate it and I may have to hold you to that PM offer
Maybe not now but whenever I can clear my head of all my anger and sadness
and yeah but if she were to come back. I don't think I will take her back
Idk maybe I'm just mad. I don't really know what to hope for right now
so I've been writing nonstop for like the last 48 hours. stoping only for sleep and food. I got 3 hours of sleep last night and I just dont feel well
Separate names with a comma.