Got Something You Want To Let Out?

Ouch

But I think that what she told me was a good thing. Makes me never want to touch or be with her again. It feels kind of wrong.

 

People shouldn't fuck with my friends.

Life would be way easier if everyone just tried to be nice to everyone else.

 

hmm....this one is pretty serious...

ok my best friend, his name is chris, is trying to have sex with me.

(ok whatever)

BUT, he's also michael's best friend.

soooo....what do i do?

(michael is already not talking to me, even though he called me last night, but i am worried about chris and why the fuck he would want to do this and he is absolutely adamant about michael not finding out, but i can't do it anyway regardless. i am so confused about this, it seems wrong all the way around. yeah it would be a perfect way to get back at him for everything he's done cuz we all know he would beat the shit out of chris (well he would try, chris is a hell of a lot bigger) for doing it cuz he gets jealous when he hears about me and other guys. i have nothing to lose, so what is the problem?)

but yeah this feels so bad i can't put it into words.

 

Alright, now I don't wanna sound preachy or anything, because I obviously don't know the whole story. But I'm just gonna say that I wouldn't have sex with someone just to get them beat up. Besides, maybe if you told Michael about it, he'd want to beat Chris up anyway...

But yeah, do whatever feels right. I hope everything works out for you.

 

hahaha you took it wrong. i am not telling michael this. chris is not telling him this. no one is, so he won't know. i'm just saying i don't know what to do on my end, i thought they were homies (their thing, not mine) so why does chris want to do this to him? then i feel bad for michael and then i feel worse cuz i should not feel bad at all for him. a lot of stuff went down between me and michael that has never even seen the internet that i could get him arrested for, so what am i trying to protect him for?

 

Found out yesterday that two of the students from my school were involved in a car accident heading north towards Blaine Lake. Jenny only got a few minor injuries, so she'll be okay, I think. Few broken ribs is what the e-mail said, I think. Pam, however, got worked over. All I know is that she's in pretty bad condition, but she'll live, thankfully.

I'm really worried about them. I hope they get cleared to go back in January.

 

Haha, alright. Sorry I took it wrong.

It might make you feel even worse if you do end up doing it with Chris.

But like I said, I don't know the whole story. But good luck with whatever you choose to do.

 

I want to die. I feel like I dont deserve anybody else in my life.

 

@ getchoo: thanks.

@ the outsider: "this too, shall pass."

yeah it is kinda dorky, but recently i realized what this really means. no, your problems are not going to get any better immediately, but the way you are feeling will. (not immediately but you know what i mean). like me, i am clinically depressed, blahblahblah, and most days i can handle it. however, there are the days when i am so fucked up in the head that i can't move...but eventually i get over it. i don't even know how, i just start bawling my eyes out and it's over in 24 hours. but yeah. the way you are feeling is not true, it's just something like...the flu. do whatever makes you feel better, no matter how stupid you think it is. it will get better, really. maybe not today or tomorrow, but it will.

 

God fucking dammit.

I may sound like a fucking teenager now, but there is seriously NO ONE who understands me.

 

people misunderstand or just fail to put in the effort to understand other people all the time, just dont make yourself a victim of their laziness. Thats why i find it kind of better to keep to myself but even doing that sometimes gets you misunderstood...yada yada....dont mind me...

 

Yeah...but I mean, you have to let it out to someone eventually.
It's like a pulse, you can keep it in you but it HAS to come out one day, so you're telling it to the person you love the most and even that person doesn't understand it.

 

oh...ic....hmmm, the thing is i never tell anything to anyone. so yeah...i never let most of my emotions out thats why people call me a stoner or goth or something...

 

ergh i hate exs. they become one and next minute they are going out with your best friend. then u run into another one.
why do guys hate me? i mean Drew loves me to death but he's 20 at the end of the month and lives in Perth.

 

are you having a mental breakdown as well?
im gettting an AVO on this bitch that dares to call me a suicidal piece of crap that shouldnt still be living. well today i am.

 

Today is less than brilliant.

Woke up in the morning, felt as dizzy as hell, walked into a few walls, got ready for school, no problem. I got even more dizzy in school, so I thought I'd go home. I figured I might be able to see my stepniece at last, she's 2 months old (to the day, actually). no such luck, I get sent to my dads. THEN I go to see my stepbrother, who's left his little girl with someone else. Great. So, i go to my dads again later, fell asleep so I didn't have to endure another 2 hours of awkward silence. I eventually wake up, he takes me home, and I get told that my stepbrother, his gf and daughter are staying the night. I don't know why, I've been wanting to see her for ages, but i freaked out. First of all, I headed off upstairs, knowing I would burst into tears or something if I looked at her. Then I came downstairs, and for the past 2 hours, I've been sat there staring at her. She's gorgeous, in every single way... the way her hair sticks out, even the way she cries is nice. Dammit, I want one.

So yeah, I came upstairs just now and burst into tears =/

And I still feel dizzy.

 

guys....its almost christmas. let it go (if not today at least on the 25th) cuz if you're anything like me, you have to deal with these problems for the rest of your life anyway...

yeah michael called me today and told me to talk to my parents (its a lot of shit but basically they hate me cuz of him and made my life a living hell until they kicked me out) cuz he thinks they will help me with my current situation (which is slightly not appropriate for here but if you absolutely HAVE to know you can im me or something) and i said no and got pissed off like what the hell is he thinking why does it matter to him what goes on with me right?

so anyway he said that its almost christmas and i said i plan on getting drunk and passing out (so i won't be surprised if he tried to invite me to his thing) and what the fuck do i need my parents for. if you don't know the story it is kinda confusing.

but anyway. yeah. christmas is coming, great holiday, time to forgive and start new. and if other people can't see it that way, they aren't worth it. end of story.

and that is the last time you will hear anything about christmas from me, i'm atheist. i'm done with it. especially now with my distinct lack of friends/family to celebrate with.

 

People tell me that I'm a goth aswell, just because I'm a silent person. Weird people -.-

But uhm, aren't you getting really violent when you don't let it out? Even if it's only on paper?
Because I am, if I don't let it out on time.

 

i definitely had sex with chris today.

i think.

i was drunk off my ass, he started and then said i was too drunk to continue.

his fault.

i told him i would have to get drunk first.

now i have a hangover.