Joke Of The Day

Discussion in 'Serious Chat' started by lpfan1924, Jan 28, 2003.

  1. #1
    lpfan1924

    lpfan1924 Member

    Joined:
    Jan 28, 2003
    Messages:
    12
    Likes Received:
    0



    Q. Why do married men gain weight while bachelors don't?

    A. Bachelors go to the refrigerator, see nothing they want, then go to bed. Married guys go to the bed, see nothing they want, then go to the refrigerator.

    -----

    Q. How is marriage like a hot bath?

    A. Once you get used to it, it's not so hot.

    -----
    The blonde's husband came home and almost fainted from the stench in the house.

    "Honey, why haven't you changed the baby's diaper?"

    The blonde wife said, "I'm not supposed to do it yet."

    The husband replied, "But it's been on for four days!"

    "I'm just following the directions on this package. See? It says 10 to 15 lbs."
    ------
    If you all like these jokes then just tell me if I shall continue :unsure:
     
  2. #2
    XxLPxX

    XxLPxX Guest




    Removed.
     
  3. #3
    Todd

    Todd FLǕGGȦ∂NKđ€ČHIŒβǾLʃÊN LPA Administrator

    Joined:
    Jul 14, 2002
    Messages:
    1,061,051
    Likes Received:
    99



    really? I found that joke nothing BUT racist
     
  4. #4
    Nikki

    Nikki I have no idea what is going on LPA Super Member

    Joined:
    Aug 12, 2002
    Messages:
    6,617
    Likes Received:
    0



    I'm insulting myself here but hey...

    There's a clever blonde...a brunette and santa clause stood on a bridge and they all jump off.

    Q: Which one hits the ground first

    A: The brunette-because the other two don't exist...
     
  5. #5
    Mark

    Mark Canadian Beauty LPA Administrator

    Joined:
    Jul 14, 2002
    Messages:
    24,862
    Likes Received:
    388



    that was so horribly racist that it isn't funny. i can't believe you told that.

    it's only because of derek that you're still on these forums, i can't believe you.
     
  6. #6
    XxLPxX

    XxLPxX Guest




    Jesus, its not like I made it up.

    You guys are getting to the point that all you care about is getting news first.
     
  7. #7
    XxLPxX

    XxLPxX Guest




    Anyways, sorry if I offended any of you.
     
  8. #8
    PP:KUt

    PP:KUt Banned

    Joined:
    Jul 14, 2002
    Messages:
    186
    Likes Received:
    0



    a blind guy walks by a fish store and says "why hello ladies"

    yeah....that joke by xxlpxx was pretty racist....i found it aight, i dont mind jokes like that(i grow up in bad neighborhood), but yeah, some other people might get offended...so yeah
     
  9. #9
    Mark

    Mark Canadian Beauty LPA Administrator

    Joined:
    Jul 14, 2002
    Messages:
    24,862
    Likes Received:
    388



    and you should be damn well happy we care about updating the site.

    read the rules, even if it is a joke, there are to be no racist comments on these boards, i thought you made more sense. wake-up, woman!
     
  10. #10
    Derek

    Derek LPAssociation.com Administrator LPA Administrator

    Joined:
    Jul 13, 2002
    Messages:
    41,875
    Likes Received:
    2,339



    and you should be damn well happy we care about updating the site.

    read the rules, even if it is a joke, there are to be no racist comments on these boards, i thought you made more sense. wake-up, woman! [/b][/quote]
    Yes. You are warned xxlpxx. Watch what you say because next time we wont be so easy on you. You should of KNOWN that was racist.

    I was nice to you on AIM but now that your saying sh*t about our site, that makes me mad.
     
  11. #11
    PP:KUt

    PP:KUt Banned

    Joined:
    Jul 14, 2002
    Messages:
    186
    Likes Received:
    0



    did anyone like my joke???? cmon!!! here i got another one:

    a guy walks into a bar and says "hey, wanan see somethin amazing?" then he pulls out a little piano player and a little piano, and he starts playing the piano. some guy says "whoa thats cool, where didu get him?" the guy said "well i was walkin along the beach one day and i found this lamp....i rubbed it and wished for somethin, and then it just appeared!" the other guy said "whoa can i try it?" sure, the man said. so the guy rubbed it and said, I WISH FOR A MILLION BUCKS! and all of a sudden, a million ducks appeared all over the bar. "hey! this isnt what i wished for, this lamp is defected!" then the guy said "yeah i know....do u actually think i wished for a 12 inch pianist?" .....lol
     
  12. #12
    Omar

    Omar Administrator LPA Super Member

    Joined:
    Jul 13, 2002
    Messages:
    4,272
    Likes Received:
    5



    What do you do when a blonde throwns you a hand grenade?
    Pull the pin out and throw it back

    :lol:

    PPRKUT: Funny but i ve heard em :p
     
  13. #13
    Carlinha

    Carlinha Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Aug 10, 2002
    Messages:
    385
    Likes Received:
    0



    that was funny :lol:
     
  14. #14
    Linkin_maddness

    Linkin_maddness Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jan 29, 2003
    Messages:
    48
    Likes Received:
    0



    lol there all pretty funny
    um i have a dirty joke which i find a pisser hope no one minds...

    Q: What is 69 + 69??

    A: Dinner for 4

    and another i have i dont mean to offend anyone by this...

    Q: Why do New Zealand horses race so fast??

    A: Coz they have seen what happens to the sheep


    hope no on was offended or anything but i find them funny
     
  15. #15
    Amy

    Amy LPA VIP LPA Über VIP

    Joined:
    Jul 28, 2002
    Messages:
    13,061
    Likes Received:
    1



    that is so mean omi :lol: there are blondes here :p

    i use to have heaps that i got from friends but i deleted them all :blink:
     
  16. #16
    Bryan

    Bryan Guest




    Here's one, you gotta read it carefully, or you wont understand it.

    Little Susy and little Johnny were playing in the sandbox and Susy said to Johnny, "Johnny, what's a p*nis?" Johnny said, "I dont know, let me go home and ask my daddy"

    So Johnny ran home to his dad and said "Dad, what's a p*nis." Johnny's dad pulled down his(not johnny's) pants and said "Jonny, this is a p*nis, and it happens to be the best p*nis in the world"

    Johnny then ran back to the sandbox to where Susy was, and pulled down his own pants and said "Susy, this is a p*nis, and it would be the best p*nis if it was 2 inch's shorter"

    Tell me if you get it... :lol:
     
  17. #17
    Nikki

    Nikki I have no idea what is going on LPA Super Member

    Joined:
    Aug 12, 2002
    Messages:
    6,617
    Likes Received:
    0



    I...LOVED that one :shifty:

    And now...the worse joke in the world.

    A man walks into a bar and says "ouch"

    I mean...how pointless is that?!
     
  18. #18
    Nikki

    Nikki I have no idea what is going on LPA Super Member

    Joined:
    Aug 12, 2002
    Messages:
    6,617
    Likes Received:
    0



    Bah...this is a double post...someone please delete it....
    I think I got overexcited on the "post" button again :'(


    Wait-actually:

    Three boys outside a class (in a coat room thingy let's say) one called Zip, one called Willy and the other one called Pee.

    The lads decide to play Hide-and-seek...and the all play. Zip climbs up onto a cupboard...Willy goes into the cupboard and Pee just stands in the center of the room counting...

    A few seconds later, their teacher comes out and spots Pee in the middle of the room. She marches up to him and realises that the other two boys are in the room...

    She shouts:
    ZIP DOWN, WILLY OUT, PEE IN THE CORNER

    Might be a little hard to get...but it's a half-decent joke...
     
  19. #19
    Will

    Will bread crumbs & white stones LPA Addicted VIP

    Joined:
    Aug 25, 2002
    Messages:
    35,486
    Likes Received:
    0



    :mellow:

    :unsure:

    :mellow:

    :lol: :lol: :lol:

    That was awesome... rotfl.
     
  20. #20
    XxLPxX

    XxLPxX Guest




    How come he didn't get in trouble? ( not throwing you in or anything )
     

Share This Page