Jokes

Discussion in 'Random Chat' started by Kate, Sep 8, 2005.

  1. #41
    Stick N move

    Stick N move Well-Known Member

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    i knew that one :lol:
     
  2. #42
    D_A_V_I_D

    D_A_V_I_D Pure Pwnage

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    Micheal Jackson is on a plane when he feels a disturbance.
    Micheal Jackson goes into the cockpit to find out what has happened.

    Micheal Jackson:
    What just happened?

    Piolet:
    One of the engines just blew and the plane is comming down fast, we've only got two parachutes and we need to get out NOW!

    Micheal Jackson:
    But what about the children?

    Piolet:
    FUCK THE CHILDREN.

    Micheal Jackson:
    But will we have time?
     
  3. #43
    Stick N move

    Stick N move Well-Known Member

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    ROFLMFAO!! :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: (w00t) (w00t) :lol: :lol: :lol:
     
  4. #44
    Minus

    Minus ohai LPA Addicted VIP

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    Digging deep into the depths of Little Johnny and Mary Jokes...

    Little Johnny's father said, "let me see your report card."
    Johnny replied, "I don't have it."
    "Why not?" His father asked.
    "My friend just borrowed it. He wants to scare his parents."

    Little Johnny came running into the house and asked, "Mommy, can little girls have babies?"
    "No," said his mom, "of course not."
    Little Johnny then ran back outside and his mom heard him yell to his friends, "It's okay, we can play that game again!"

    Little Mary was in the garden filling in a hole when her neighbor peered over the fence. Interested in what the cheeky-faced youngster was up to, he politely asked, "What are you up to there, Mary?"
    "My goldfish died," replied Mary tearfully, without looking up, "and I've just buried him."
    The neighbor was concerned, "That's an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn't it?"
    Mary patted down the last heap of earth then replied, "That's because he's inside your cat."

    Little Johnny watched, fascinated, as his mother gently rubbed cold cream on her face.
    "Why are you rubbing cold cream on your face, Mommy?" he asked.
    "To make myself beautiful," said his mother.
    A few minutes later, she began removing the cream with a tissue.
    "What's the matter?" asked Little Johnny. "Giving up?"

    On the last day of kindergarten, all the children brought presents for their teacher. The florist's son handed the teacher a gift. She shook it, held it up and said, "I bet I know what it is - it's some flowers!"
    "That's right!" shouted the little boy.
    Then the candy store owner's daughter handed the teacher a gift. She held it up, shook it and said. "I bet I know what it is - it's a box of candy!"
    "That's right!" shouted the little girl.
    The next gift was from the liquor store owner's son, Little Johnny. The teacher held it up and saw that it was leaking. She touched a drop with her finger and tasted it. "Is it wine?" she asked.
    "No," Little Johnny answered.
    The teacher touched another drop to her tongue. "Is it champagne?" she asked.
    "No," he answered.
    Finally, the teacher said, "I give up. What is it?"
    Little Johnny replied, "A puppy!"
     
  5. #45
    Holiday

    Holiday Married and on a life-long adventure! LPA Super VIP

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    :lol:
    I've never heard a Little Johny and Mary joke before.
     
  6. #46
    Boo

    Boo Guest




    Oh minus xero those were the funniest jokes i think i've ever heard.

    A skinny blonde walks into a room. boing!
     
  7. #47
    insanechica007

    insanechica007 Well-Known Member

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    why do blondes wear green lipstick? because red means stop.

    why do blondes wear hoop ear rings? so they have somewhere to put their legs.

    yeah, i've never heard a little johnny joke before, either.
     
  8. #48
    Holiday

    Holiday Married and on a life-long adventure! LPA Super VIP

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    I had to post this....


    Say out loud:




    How did Canada get it's name?




    They put letters in a hat and pulled them out one by one:

    C, eh? N, eh? D, eh?



















    ...its not necroposting becuase i have one more day! :chemist:
     
  9. #49
    Theazninvasion68

    Theazninvasion68 It's like blood to a vampire, our tragic desire. LPA Super VIP

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    :lol:
    Nice




    Say this out loud

    7 out of 5 people have trouble with fractions...


    It's True!
     
  10. #50
    Holiday

    Holiday Married and on a life-long adventure! LPA Super VIP

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    :lol: I had to look at that twice.
     
  11. #51
    Canadian Joe

    Canadian Joe Bacon strips LPA Super VIP

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    :lol: I had to look at that twice. [/b][/quote]
    :lol: Me too :p


    I need sugar to keep me going...so tired *passes out*
     
  12. #52
    Mark

    Mark Canadian Beauty LPA Administrator

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    Congrats, you just made me cringe. :p
     
  13. #53
    Holiday

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    Congrats, you just made me cringe. :p [/b][/quote]
    ....what? :mellow:
     
  14. #54
    Mark

    Mark Canadian Beauty LPA Administrator

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    ....what? :mellow: [/b][/quote]
    You said one of the lamest jokes of all-time. :lol:
     
  15. #55
    Holiday

    Holiday Married and on a life-long adventure! LPA Super VIP

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    You said one of the lamest jokes of all-time. :lol: [/b][/quote]
    oooooooh :lol:

    At least it got a laugh. :p
     
  16. #56
    Tomi

    Tomi   LPA Addict

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    Goodnight everyone. -_-
     
  17. #57
    Joe

    Joe I'm tried LPA Administrator

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    Dude, the Random Thoughts thread is that way. :lol:
     
  18. #58
    Tom

    Tom LPA Super VIP LPA Super VIP

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    Dude, the Random Thoughts thread is that way. :lol: [/b][/quote]
    now thats funny :lol: :lol:

    A blonde is driving to an airport and she saw a sing saying 'Airport left' , so she turns around and goes home.
     
  19. #59
    Tomi

    Tomi   LPA Addict

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    Dude, the Random Thoughts thread is that way. :lol: [/b][/quote]
    Ha. I made you laugh, so it was a joke. :p



    Although I was really tired, which explains my misplacing mistake. :lol:
     
  20. #60
    Tom

    Tom LPA Super VIP LPA Super VIP

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    Ha. I made you laugh, so it was a joke. :p



    Although I was really tired, which explains my misplacing mistake. :lol: [/b][/quote]
    :lol:

    A blonde and brunette jump of a cliff, the blond jumps first and then the brunette jumps second , the brunette hits the ground first because the blonde has to ask for directions.

    I know it's a bad joke but still...
     

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