Jokes

Discussion in 'Random Chat' started by Kate, Sep 8, 2005.

  1. #61
    Amanda

    Amanda RIP Chester LPA Super VIP

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    HEY GUYS

    On a scale of one to ten, how old is Michael Jackson's boyfriend?
     
  2. #62
    Theazninvasion68

    Theazninvasion68 It's like blood to a vampire, our tragic desire. LPA Super VIP

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    :lol:

    that was funny..
     
  3. #63
    Aaron

    Aaron Foundation LPA Super Member

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    What's more stupid than a brunette trying to build a house under water?

    A blonde trying to burn it down.


    Once upon a time, there was a fish, and he seen a fly, although, this fly was to high for him to catch. The fish eneded the fly to drop 6 inches so he could catch it. So the fly eventually drops six inches. Now, there was a bear on the side of the river who needed the fish to jump six inches out of the water to catch the fish. A few feet away from the bear was a hunter who needed the bear to be distracted so he could shoot and kill it. The hunter brought his cat along for some unknown reason, but the cat ran off to look at the fish along with the bear. now, when the fish jumps, the bear catches, the hunter shoots, the cat jumps into the water.

    What is the moral of the story?

    Every time a fly drops six inches, a pussy gets wet.
     
  4. #64
    Amanda

    Amanda RIP Chester LPA Super VIP

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    That has got to be the best joke I've read in a long time. :lol:
     
  5. #65
    Theazninvasion68

    Theazninvasion68 It's like blood to a vampire, our tragic desire. LPA Super VIP

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    :lol: :lol: Alrighty, weird, orignal and awsome!
     
  6. #66
    Intergalactic Christ

    Intergalactic Christ Blood On Ice LPA VIP

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    Michael Jackson Jokes <3

    Just got forwarded this...

    Sally was driving home from one of her business trips in Northern Arizona when she saw an elderly Navajo woman walking on the side of the road. As the trip was a long and quiet one, she stopped the car and asked the Navajo woman if she would like a ride. With a silent nod of thanks, the woman got into the car.
    Resuming the journey, Sally tried in vain to make a bit of small talk with the Navajo woman.
    The old woman just sat silently, looking intently at everything she saw, studying every little detail, until she noticed a brown bag on the seat next to Sally.
    "What's in the bag?" asked the old woman.
    Sally looked down at the brown bag and said,
    "It's a bottle of wine. I got it for my husband."
    The Navajo woman was silent for another moment or two.

    Then speaking with the quiet wisdom of an elder, she said, "Good trade."
     
  7. #67
    Jakks

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    LOL :lol:

    Some great jokes
     
  8. #68
    The Doctor

    The Doctor I wear a fez now. Fez's are cool. LPA Super Member

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    A man, whose level of drunkenness was bordering on the absurd, stood up to leave a bar and fell flat on his face. "Maybe all I need is some fresh air," thought the man as he crawled outside.
    He tried to stand up again, but fell face first into the mud.
    "Screw it," he thought. "I'll just crawl home."
    The next morning, his wife found him on the doorstep asleep.
    "You went out drinking last night, didn't you?" she said.
    "Uh, yes," he said sheepishly. "How did you know?"
    "You left your wheelchair at the bar again.
     
  9. #69
    JJ

    JJ [i cant spoll preply]: LPA Super VIP

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    LMFAO
     
  10. #70
    insanechica007

    insanechica007 Well-Known Member

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    :lol:
    Lol.
     
  11. #71
    Dean

    Dean LPA Addict LPA Addict

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    This is to signify the stereotypical English attitude towards the French... or something. Whatever, it's in good humour. And anyway, blonde/Canadian jokes seem to be allowed.

    Sitting in a train carriage are an old woman, an attractive young woman, an Englishman and a Frenchman. When the train goes through a dark tunnel a loud slap is heard in the carriage and when the train exits the tunnel the Frenchman has a red handprint on his face, however it isn't apparent who slapped him.
    The old woman thinks to herself "He must have groped the girl".
    The young woman thinks to herself "He must have tried to grope me, but he got the old woman instead".
    The Frenchman thinks to himself "One of them must have been scared going through the tunnel, grabbed one of the others who thought it was me groping them".
    The Englishman thinks to himself "I can't wait until we go through another tunnel so I can slap him again".
     
  12. #72
    Razan

    Razan SUGAAAR!

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    ^^LMAO!

    A father passing by his son's bedroom was astonished to see the bed was nicely made and everything was picked up. Then he saw an envelope propped up prominently on the center of the bed. I was addressed, "DAD". With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and read the letter with trembling hands:
    DEAR DAD,
    IT IS WITH GREAT REGRET AND SORROW THAT I'M WRITING THIS. I HAD TO
    ELOPE WITH MY NEW GIRLFRIEND BECAUSE I WANTED TO AVOID A SCENE WITH MOM AND YOU.
    I'VE BEEN FINDING REAL PASSION WITH BARBARA AND SHE IS SO NICE EVEN WITH ALL HER PIERCING, TATTOOS, AND HER TIGHT MOTORCYCLE CLOTHES. BUT IT'S NOT ONLY THE PASSION DAD, SHE'S PREGNANT AND BARBARA SAID THAT WE WILL BE VERY HAPPY TOGETHER.
    EVEN THOUGH YOU WON'T CARE FOR HER, AS SHE IS MUCH OLDER THAN I, SHE ALREADY OWNS A TRAILER IN THE WOODS AND HAS A STACK OF FIREWOOD FOR THE WHOLE WINTER.
    SHE WANTS TO HAVE MANY MORE CHILDREN WITH ME AND THAT'S NOW ONE OF MY DREAMS TOO. BARBARA TAUGHT ME THAT MARIJUANA DOESN'T REALLY HURT ANYONE AND WE'LL BE GROWING IT FOR OURSELVES AND TRADING IT WITH HER FRIENDS FOR ALL THE COCAINE AND ECSTASY WE WANT.
    IN THE MEANTIME, WE'LL PRAY THAT SCIENCE WILL FIND A CURE FOR AIDS SO BARBARA CAN GET BETTER; SHE SURE DESERVES IT!! DON'T WORRY DAD; I'M 15 YEARS OLD NOW AND I KNOW HOW TO TAKE CARE OF MYSELF. SOMEDAY I'M SURE WE'LL BE BACK TO VISIT SO YOU CAN GET TO KNOW YOUR GRANDCHILDREN.

    LOVE, YOU'RE SON,
    JOHN

    P.S. Dad, none of this is true. I'm over at the neighbour's house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than my report card that's in my desk center drawer. I love you! Call when it's safe for me to come home.
     
  13. #73
    linkin park 101

    linkin park 101 Shhh! If You're Quiet I'll Show You A Dinosaur

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    that was great everyone in my drama class loved it
     
  14. #74
    Jakks

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    HAHA great
     
  15. #75
    SPACED

    SPACED Well-Known Member

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    i know you may have already heard this one

    three blondes are in a car driving to disney land when they see a sign post saying

    DISNEY LAND LEFT

    so they turned around and went home.


    A lady walks up to a bar and strokes the barmans face, and says
    "can i speak to the manager" with the barman replyng "hes not hear" the lady then twirls her fingers in his hair whilst then slipping two fingers into the barmans mouth, the barman then says "Can i help you?" the lady then says yes, theres no toilet paper left in the bathroom.
     
  16. #76
    LinkinPark890

    LinkinPark890 Banned

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    Well, i have alot of jokes but they are dirty so i won't post them.
     
  17. #77
    Intergalactic Christ

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    Ew.
     
  18. #78
    Holiday

    Holiday Married and on a life-long adventure! LPA Super VIP

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    Hehehe, I like that one a lot. :lol:
     
  19. #79
    Omar

    Omar Administrator LPA Super Member

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    How many male chauvanists does it take to screw in a light-bulb?

    None. Let the b*tch cook in the dark.

    Note: the joke refers to error in thought, not to sexism.
     
  20. #80
    Matt

    Matt Official Ghost of the LPA LPA Super Member

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    Don't know if anyone's said this, but...

    What do Michael Jackson and a Big Mac have in common?

    40 year old meat between 10 year old buns.
     

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