Writing: minuteforce's writings thread

Discussion in 'Your Projects' started by minuteforce, Jul 29, 2014.

  1. #1
    minuteforce

    minuteforce Danny's not here, Mrs. Torrance. LPA Team

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    Code:
    HARBOUR
    you pull tighter,
    tighter than i ever imagined you could
    a pressure underneath the skin
    
    something's wrong
    and i want you to talk,
    i want you to tell me
    
    'cause you have a secret
    so eager
    
    this other life
    where you wander the harbour at night
    trying to find whatever can fulfil you
    
    and, now, you've found it
    right here
    something terrible
    
    i'm torn
    i don't know whether or not to believe you
    and, either way, i don't know what to do
    (actually, i know, but ...)
    
    this is dangerous.
    you've never known your limits
    now, you're out of control
    i don't want to watch you die
    
    you're turning into someone i don't know
    (you haven't seen me change yet ...)
    
    time is tugging at my sleeves
    and i'm afraid of the consequences
    before i realise
     
  2. #2
    Dragondust

    Dragondust Yer shekh ma shieraki anni LPA VIP

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    very cool!
     
  3. #3
    minuteforce

    minuteforce Danny's not here, Mrs. Torrance. LPA Team

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    Code:
    i thank God that you've kept hidden
    
    'cause God knows what i would've done otherwise
    
    guess i've gone too far already.
    i could've ignored all the signs
    but, instead, i was so easily lured
    ensnared
    (just like in the dreams)
    so it doesn't really matter now anyway
    
    i'm already up against the wall here
    so i guess you can't scare me anymore
     
  4. #4
    Erica

    Erica Child of the Desert LPA Über VIP

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    Yes! Trend starter! Now, I know you're thinking "But, Elaine did it first." Well fuck you!

    In all seriousness I love these. You're a great writer!
     
  5. #5
    minuteforce

    minuteforce Danny's not here, Mrs. Torrance. LPA Team

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    Code:
    T&C's
    i get the feeling that you didn't give a fuck
    you just couldn't wait
    you couldn't help it
    gripping so hard that it stung
    and refusing to admit the truth
    
    i would've ended this earlier,
    i would've hunted you down
    but the pain was stopping me.
    
    somehow, you feel betrayed
    like i'm the one who let you down.
    
    still, i know you better than you think
    and i just need to wait for you to break
    to see what happens next
     
  6. #6
    Jesse

    Jesse Out of the abyss. LPA Über VIP

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    While I understand the need for a general purpose thread for all of one members poetry, I really think that stammers critiquing and appreciation of individual new poems if the user desires to become a better writer.

    With that said, I really enjoy Habour. Great job!
     
  7. #7
    minuteforce

    minuteforce Danny's not here, Mrs. Torrance. LPA Team

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    Code:
    UNCLAIMED
    i keep reining you in
    before you can fall off the edge
    and i know that you're always afraid
    but i'm running out of reasons to hold on.
    
    i don't know when it all went wrong.
    i don't know whose fault it is,
    who really messed us up ...
    and it's probably meaningless to ask now,
    
    since we all we have is each other
    
    because we just can't seem to grow apart
    
    keep on destroying whatever we built
    still waiting to come up with something useful
    when, really, we gave up that possibility
    just so we could wind up here
    looking back
    
    no longer in motion
    
    you left me with nothing except
    
    the marks are fresh.
    they cost absolutely nothing.
    you drew them once
    without really understanding
    and, now, they won't ever disappear
    
    i can't deal with that permanence.
    i can only distract myself from it
    for as long as possible
    
    you're a dream gone wrong,
    a spectre of your former self
    haunting my every decision
    
    and i want to forget you once ...
    once i find my way out of here
    but my luck has never held up that well
     
  8. #8
    Erica

    Erica Child of the Desert LPA Über VIP

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    Very nice :)
     
  9. #9
    minuteforce

    minuteforce Danny's not here, Mrs. Torrance. LPA Team

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    Code:
    WE'RE STRANGERS NOW
    confusion running over my tongue
    i can feel it
    sense it coursing through me
    i can see
    the world
    as it spins
    i remember how you used to blush
    (it was even more obvious when you tried to hide it)
    that secret that you used to smile about
    the one that neither of us could
    put into words
    the scent
    the way it would hit me
    i can't actually remember it
    some things just aren't clear
    but the rush
    dizzy
    i told everyone lies about you
    because i couldn't endure the truth anymore
    it overwhelms me
    i told them that we both knew
    that we both shared the blame
    that we both acted like mature adults
    really, i was too much of a coward
    tension
    so we're strangers now
    nothing will ever hurt you
    the way that it hurts me
    everything will get better
    (somewhere other than here)
    nothing will ever hurt like this
    i've seen you shaken
    i saw it once
    from far away
    feel so small
    once, i dreamt about killing you in cold blood 
    not like i meant to
    it was never going to work
    guess that these things don't go how everyone imagines
    i needed things to change so bad
    but i was too afraid to even look myself in the eye
    it hurts to admit
    right now
    hurts to think
    i can feel it change -
    blurring or sharpening over and over
    i let this run wild
    naked and head bleeding
    this is fucking wrong this is all fucking wrong
    where the fuck is it going?
    i left it all too late
    can't make anything out
    can't get anything right
    pain
    faster
    you're taking too long
    wake the fuck up
    get the fuck out of it
    i don't know anything
    nothing will ever hurt
    i wanted to disappear
    with you
    without me
     
  10. #10
    minuteforce

    minuteforce Danny's not here, Mrs. Torrance. LPA Team

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    Code:
    PROGRESS BAR
    i don't know how it is
    that you make me feel this lost
    maybe we're just dragging each other
    deeper
    without even realising it
    
    right now
    feel like i'm drowning under the weight
    
    we're both gonna make it out of here
    (eventually ...)
    but how will it change us?
    i feel like
    like we're in two different worlds right now;
    how much further apart
    could we drift
    later down the line?
    
    i can hear the choirs wailing.
    they don't fill me with confidence
    there's no pathos here
    in what we're trying to do
    but i just can't stop pretending
    
    this is all a big gamble,
    and more for me than for you.
    we could lose so, so much
    after gaining all that ground
    and, in the end,
    it might turn out that no-one cares
    
    we could conquer the world, piece by piece,
    and still end up with nothing
    at the end of it all
    no evidence
    nothing to show
    for all that we lost
     
  11. #11
    minuteforce

    minuteforce Danny's not here, Mrs. Torrance. LPA Team

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    Code:
    MONOTONY
    tailing you,
    hoping to find something that i didn't before
    see something in myself
    for better or worse
    some kind of reflection
    
    i thought that i'd be calmer now,
    that i'd be able to jettison all the dead weight,
    pull you back in towards me
    and get us all through this mess
    
    but nothing has gone to plan so far, has it?
    
    we can't go on like this,
    hoping that everything will carry on in spite of us
    and that no-one will notice how weak
    how frail we've become
    
    we're just repeating ourselves
    can't find a way out
    no way to come to a stop
    
    i already know what you'll say,
    that maybe you're the exception to the rule,
    but, really, we're all responsible.
    
    this is everything that we've ever wanted.
    
    static's growing louder.
    i can feel it taking hold
    i can feel the guilt
    starting to ride me out
    
    it's addictive
    
    and it's terrifying.
    
    i need an answer from you.
    i need all the answers.
    i need them tomorrow.
     
  12. #12
    polleo

    polleo You're gonna carry that weight. LPA Super Member

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    Your writing has a really good feel to it. I guess that sounds stupid. How about this- I think you're good at painting a clear picture of what you're trying to convey. If that makes any sense.
     
  13. #13
    minuteforce

    minuteforce Danny's not here, Mrs. Torrance. LPA Team

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    Code:
    CONVULSE
    this is a dangerous path to be stuck on,
    and i know that you wish you could just
    observe it from a safe distance
    from behind the glass
    
    in a way,
    we'll never truly reach each other,
    not like we need to ...
    
    i feel so damn tired
    sometimes, without explanation
    and maybe just because i won't accept one
    
    and it's been cold here lately.
    i woke up shivering this morning
    dreamt of you in convulsions
    
    one day, i could disappear
    disappear before you get back
    
    i think that i could fix this,
    because i'm just afraid,
    afraid of what you might think
    or what you might already be thinking
    
    maybe you'd feel less alone;
    i could take the burden from you
    take it with me
    somewhere dark
    
    maybe you'd feel less alone
     
  14. #14
    minuteforce

    minuteforce Danny's not here, Mrs. Torrance. LPA Team

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    Code:
    LAPSES
    i can feel it spinning
    and i really need to say something
    but i just can't figure out how
    
    i don't remember how to make these spells go away
    before they start to burn
    i've run out of things to destroy
    and you could distract me
    but you're not here
    you probably don't exist anymore
    
    i watch you repeat all the things that you said
    except i can't make out the words anymore
    can't remember if any of them mattered
    sick and sleepless
    nothing for me to anchor myself to right now
    
    i don't have a gun pressed to my head
    and i really need one
    
    there's something deeply wrong with us.
    you saw that then, didn't you?
    i was disadvantaged from the start
    and i've only made things worse over the years
    
    i can't recover from the things that happened
    that hurt us so insidiously,
    only pretend to.
    it wasn't just one mistake
    but a lengthy chain of them
    endlessly connected
    
    i feel like we really need to forgive each other
    but i don't even remember what for.
     
  15. #15
    MagmaXtreme

    MagmaXtreme Well-Known Member

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    Hey minuteforce, maybe rather than making a new post for each new piece of writing, you could update the OP instead and make a post just to notify people that new material is available?

    I think that will better enable others to critique and breakdown the strengths and weaknesses of each piece individually which will allow for more beneficial feedback and discussion.
     
  16. #16
    minuteforce

    minuteforce Danny's not here, Mrs. Torrance. LPA Team

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    To be completely honest, I'm not really looking for anything to be said about these things; I posted them here to be read and pretty much nothing else.
     
  17. #17
    minuteforce

    minuteforce Danny's not here, Mrs. Torrance. LPA Team

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    Code:
    JUST SAW MY REFLECTION BLINK
    this is getting kind of serious.
    a lot of the time,
    i can't get myself to focus on anything important
    
    and, then, whenever i manage,
    it all just greys out
    like it never mattered
    
    i've forgotten how to revel in things
    
    i remember watching you brush past
    and feeling myself wake up again
    remembering that something
    something bad is going to come of this
    and you won't be there to witness it
    because you're nobody.
    
    you're nothing but a reminder
    of everything that i could have
    everything that i could take for myself right now
    if i was able to lose this feeling
    if all of this guilt was scratched away
    everything boiling underneath could emerge
    and ruin it all
    
    alertness
    control
    fear of being awake
    being aware
    once denial crumbles
    all of this adrenaline
    but nothing to destroy
    it's seeping into me
    knowing what i could be capable of
    when the time is right
    once i gain the strength
    
    i'm always ready to leave
    i need to go with you
    you know that i can't stay here
    
    i know that i'm holding the gun to my own head
    but no-one's here to goad me into firing
    so i don't think that there's much point
     
  18. #18
    minuteforce

    minuteforce Danny's not here, Mrs. Torrance. LPA Team

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    Code:
    RAVINE
    we've been staying up too late
    but it makes no difference either way.
    
    i feel it hit no matter where i am
    
    just not hard enough
    or frequently enough
    to really count for anything ...
    
    so i'm in-between wavelengths
    that sweet spot that no-one checks
    and i know that i'm sinking further in
    really making my mark
    
    also, you're right.
    none of us truly matter to each other,
    not the way that we claim.
    we don't care about one another.
    we only care about ourselves.
    
    we're just a bunch of shallow, useless fucks
    and we say that we deserve better ...
    but that's just another one of those
    meaningless stock phrases.
    
    i'm not here to help you.
    this was never about you.
    i just want to make myself feel better.
    
    (naturally, it hasn't helped
    because that's just another lie)
    
    so, if i just mess you up further,
    that's really too bad.
    i'll just keep going about my day.
     
  19. #19
    Erica

    Erica Child of the Desert LPA Über VIP

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    I really like I just saw my reflection blink!
     
  20. #20
    minuteforce

    minuteforce Danny's not here, Mrs. Torrance. LPA Team

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    Code:
    BABY VOICES
    we're abandoning the pretenses. right now.
    i'm gonna show you everything.
    
    this is everything that you ever wanted
    lying right before you
    made empty
    
    i wanna make it hurt
    
    everything that you fought to achieve
    and the awful futility of it all
    manifested in me.
    
    tighter.
    
    this is an eternity
    staring you right in the face
    taking your breath away
    gradually
    
    you loved getting right in,
    i could always see it
    but i had a different perspective on things;
    
    we needed a bit of grit
    to make things a little more personal,
    a little more real;
    to help bring out the real you
    because the lies were starting to dig in,
    right in
    
    you've always been so fucking driven
    
    but no-one could ever fault that.
    we've just been wired differently, that's all.
    i guess we were headed towards something
    deeper
    more intimate
    right from the beginning.
    nothing could stop us.
    this was inevitable
    and i love that.
    
    i don't hate you anymore.
    i don't blame you for what happened
    but your single-mindedness lead us both here
    we could both drown now;
    i'm just saving myself.
     

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