Discussion in 'Random Chat' started by MKH, Mar 12, 2011.
We begin with Todd's tale.
This forum is officially legit.
I love this board <3
I didn't have one before I came in here, then I saw minuteforce is a Super Member and I officially SHIT MY PANTS!
All right, here it goes. I haven't told anybody this story, and I never thought I would. But then I said FUCK IT. It's too hilarious not to be told.
It was Freshman Year of High School. I woke up feeling the same as usual. I performed my daily routine and then went on the bus. About 5 minutes in, it hit me. My stomach was killing me. The worst part was that my bus ride is a solid 20-25 minutes. So there I was, in agonizing pain, doing everything I can to hold it in. With every red stoplight, I about committed suicide. After about 10 minutes, I figured, "Ok, I'll just let some out, no big deal." So I did. However, as soon as you begin to shit, it becomes even harder to hold the rest in. So there I was, gradually shitting out more and more as the minutes went by. By the time the bus arrived at school, I had completely crapped my pants. I went straight to the bathroom stall and pulled my pants down. It was all over the place. A good amount of it was latched to my legs. So I went to work. I used probably half of a roll of toilet paper (and you know how efficient school toilet paper is....) to clean myself. I attempted to pick up all the shit and put it in the toilet. Unfortunately, it was just too damn much. I had no idea what the fuck I was going to do now. Meanwhile, class had started a good 10 minutes ago. What came next was a maneuver I will never forget. After I cleaned my legs, I took my underwear off and attempted to place it in the toilet to get all the shit off. What the fuck was I thinking? I took the underwear out and, of course, it was drenched. What I did next was maybe the biggest risk I've ever taken. I put my jeans on while holding the underwear by my finger tips. I made sure no one was in the bathroom with me, then I dashed like hell out of the stall and tossed my damp, shit scented underwear in the trash. I then quick washed my hands (which were covered in shit), then went to class.
I ended up going home after first period because of the stomach virus I had. Thank god, or else I would have went the whole school day with no underwear. I never found out what happened in the bathroom after I left. I never heard anyone at school talking about finding a pair of underwear in the trash, so I guess I was in the clear, lol. It was one of the most tense mornings of my life. All because didn't want to go to the nurse and tell them that I pooped my pants.
Can any of you bitches top that?
P.S., the day ended up being ok because when I got home, I saw that Linkin Park released a song called Not Alone .
When I shit my pants, it looks like this
LMFAO. Ben wins this thread.
Ben - Erm...doesn't Zane go to your school? Lets hope he doesn't go around spreading "shit" about you.
If you guys cared about me at all, you wouldn't direct Zane to this thread. I'm dead serious by the way
I'll PM him right away
Make sure you link the page.
I'm. Dead. Serious.
I only shared because I know Zane doesn't really lurk random chat, haha.
beat you to it
Like Dumbledore, my pants-shitting story is also the result of a stomach virus.
I had spent most of the evening dry heaving in an emergency-room bathroom. I was convinced I was dying, but the doctor assured me it was a simple virus. After getting a shot, I was released. On the way home, my dad, caring parent that he is, asked if I wanted something to drink. Thinking this was a great idea (vomiting your internal organs out will make a man thirsty), I took him up on the offer. It seemed like a good idea at the time. Little did I know, I had made a fatal error.
I had hardly drank a quarter of the Gatorade bottle before I felt it. "Oh man, I'm gonna puke!" While the Gatorade did satisfy my thirst, it also gave my insides something to purge. But, I was prepared. Bucket in hands, I waited for the inevitable. But as I hurled, something even more sinister happened: Niagara Falls began to spew out of my ass. There are very few moments in my life where I felt utterly defeated. This was definitely one of them. I, a teenager, had just shit-sprayed my pants like a Jackson Pollock . . . in a moving vehicle.
That night, I learned the true meaning of the word "humble."
those two stories were too funny, i laughed out loud
with me i got something close to this forum. Not exact.
this happened when i was about 1-3 years old: we were living at a two story house at the time and still these days. ok, it was one weekend in daylight. I had nothing to do so I just started roaming around the house-walking around. I went to my parents room bc that's where we all take showers. We were too young, my brother and I to take showers by ourselves. so, I walked into the restroom and saw my dad and my brother taking a shower. He was about 3-6 yrs old then. the curtain was half open and I went to go stand by the toilet. * I had a big 1inch outtie* at that time and still have a small outtie now, bellybutton. I saw my dad and brother again. Then I looked down and saw that thing poking out,. I looked at it and examined it real hard. So then, I just went out of my mind from there--> I grabbed that 1inch outtie to try to pee out of it. I kept moving around while standing still trying to have that pee come right out of it. I kept squeezing it while moving around. Nothing came out. then I tried aiming it and wiggling around. Nothing came out. everyone just fell out laughing until someone told me "hunny, that is a bellybutton. Nothing cant come out of it*
Here is a second story, I just remembered
so it was close to dinner time and I had to gas really bad. I did. and my dad jumped like i scared him. He was walking too. after that, he was walking pretty funny.
those two stories are pretty embarrising, but it was funny. oh what the hazelnut, ill share them** **
Haha, aww Tim. I actually feel bad for you!
C'mon Joe! Post that shit already!
I was pissing one morning when I was younger, and I let out a monstrous fart, and it was one of those where it sounds like it's a sprayer. I turned around and the wall looked like a rorschach test.
Hahaha, This thread is awesome!
It's taken, like, over six years for me to acquire 3,000 posts here. On other boards, I don't suck so much
Casey, What did you see in the brown rorschach? lol!
My brother, when he was about 10 yrs. old or older, and when he gas, he'd did those wierd poses. He did that for about 1 year for acouple days.
My dad, one day when he was working at Ameran UE in STL, he was in an office setting, idr where. so he had to gas really really bad to where he did with a full room of people-his co-workers and gassed really loud. it was pretty embarrising for him.
Separate names with a comma.