Pendulum

Discussion in 'Your Projects' started by Anthony., Jul 12, 2005.

  1. #1
    Anthony.

    Anthony. .Orestes LPA Super VIP

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    <div align=center>Pendulum</div>

    Time takes its toll of soul and lives
    Claiming reality as it goes along
    Wrecking everything on its path
    Leaving memories of an happier past

    Looking at the rubble of this broken dream
    A glass sphere shattered in miniature pieces
    I wonder if this collapse was bound to happen
    Consequence of avoidable mistakes?

    Light fades, yielding to dawn
    Dawn has come to take away time
    Time that left with countless memories
    Memories of everyone’s stories
    Stories we’d rather remember
    Remember them instead of what remains
    Remains negativity and hopelessness
    Hopelessness we might not overcome

    Can we fight back the odds?
    In our constant search for something better
    A quest with a goal we can’t reach
    Because we always aim further
    Never satisfied of what we’ve got
    Just needing more to be happy
    Constantly making the past dimmer
    A vicious cycle with a doubtful outcome

    Light fades, yielding to dawn
    Dawn has come to take away time
    Time that left with countless memories
    Memories of everyone’s stories
    Stories we’d rather remember
    Remember them instead of what remains
    Remains negativity and hopelessness
    Hopelessness we might not overcome

    Negativity and hopelessness
    Hopelessness we might not overcome

    Do you know what you are doing?
    Leaving yourself being brought down
    By this unjustified pessimistic attitude
    And your constant lack of satisfaction
    You’re heading into depression
    If you don’t break away
    It's a wake up call!
    Wake up!





    Still needs some work, but overall I'm somewhat satisfied.
     
  2. #2
    Methybrea

    Methybrea Well-Known Member

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    :whistle:

    Sweet stuff, your writing has great expression and flow. I especially like your use of repetition when you use the last word of the line to start the next, it turned out to be a great way to connect your ideas.

    Just the last stanza, I don't know what you meant by that, is he waking out of a dream or something? The tone changed from poetic and philosphical to harsh and grating! Maybe if you knew what you intended I could understand it.

    Otherwise, great job! B)
     
  3. #3
    Anthony.

    Anthony. .Orestes LPA Super VIP

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    Yeah, well, I didn't know how to finish it. I mean, all along, we're talking about a pessimistic and depressing attitude with no possible positive outcome, and I wanted the end to be like a wake up call; sending the person back to earth. In a way, the pendulum swings from past to future all the way, but I wanted it to stop at the present in the end.

    Edit : I modified the end a bit.
     
  4. #4
    lp_sk8ergurl

    lp_sk8ergurl Well-Known Member

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    You did good Avenger.
     
  5. #5
    arT saveS

    arT saveS Y2K

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    I haven't read much of your stuff, atleast that I can think of...but I like this one a lot. I think about 'time' quite a bit, and since this relates to time, it interested me. It's written very well, your a talented writer.
     
  6. #6
    D_A_V_I_D

    D_A_V_I_D Pure Pwnage

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    Great work, i havn't read much, like arT saveS but i also agree that this is really interesting and that you are a talented writer. Hope ot see some more soon.
     

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