Qantas Airlines: Repair Division

Discussion in 'Random Chat' started by Gitsnik, Apr 10, 2008.

  1. #1
    Gitsnik

    Gitsnik WAAAGH!!! Über Member

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    "In case you need a laugh: Remember, it takes a college degree to fly
    a plane but only a high school diploma to fix one.

    After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a "Gripe
    Sheet" which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft.

    The mechanics correct the problems; document their repairs on the
    form, and then pilots review the Gripe Sheets before the next flight.

    Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humour.


    Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas'
    pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S)
    by maintenance engineers.

    By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never, ever,
    had an accident.

    P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
    S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

    P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
    S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

    P: Something loose in cockpit.
    S: Something tightened in cockpit.

    P: Dead bugs on windshield.
    S: Live bugs on back-order.

    P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute
    descent.
    S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

    P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
    S: Evidence removed.

    P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
    S: DME volume set to more believable level.

    P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
    S: That's what friction locks are for.

    P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
    S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

    P: Suspected crack in windshield.
    S: Suspect you're right.

    P: Number 3 engine missing.
    S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

    P: Aircraft handles funny
    S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

    P: Target radar hums.
    S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

    P: Mouse in cockpit.
    S: Cat installed.




    And the best one for last..................
    P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget
    pounding on something with a hammer.
    S: Took hammer away from midget"



    Just :lol:
     
  2. #2
    El Muerto

    El Muerto LPA Super Member LPA Super Member

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    Great stuff :lol:
     
  3. #3
    Harlz

    Harlz More Scared Of You Than You Are Of Me LPA Super Member

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    :lol:!

    QANTAS... *sigh*
     
  4. #4
    Agent

    Agent Formerly known as Agent Sideburns LPA Über VIP

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    :lol:! That was great!
     
  5. #5
    Will

    Will bread crumbs & white stones LPA Addicted VIP

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    That was amazing. :lol:

    :lol:
     
  6. #6
    Evan™

    Evan™ HI! I'm Randy, I'm a Bandicoot Über Member

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    :lol: those are freaking classic for the ground crews
     
  7. #7
    Jesse

    Jesse Out of the abyss. LPA Über VIP

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    :lol: What such fun that was.
     
  8. #8
    Dedicated

    Dedicated LPA Addict LPA Addict

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    :lol:

    Awesome :lol:
     
  9. #9
    Arlene

    Arlene Oh what tangled webs we weave LPA Super Member

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    Hahaha, when I saw this thread I was like "wtf is this" and I read it...hahahaahaha, those were hilarious. :lol:

    I like the mouse in cockpit/cat installed one. LAWL!
     
  10. #10
    Iain

    Iain i am a sloth LPA Super Member

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    Those are... real? Wow, I think I'd be right at home working there. XD
     
  11. #11
    Anya

    Anya Lost LPA Super VIP

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    I can't stop laughing at the last one. :lol:

    These are amazing. Wish I could work there.
     
  12. #12
    Daniel

    Daniel Run for your life. LPA Super Member

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    Oh my God, these are amazing. :lol:
     
  13. #13
    Cale.

    Cale. Banned

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    Qantas is such a fecking shite airline.

    Some quality jokes in there though. Drew a smile.
     
  14. #14
    JJ

    JJ [i cant spoll preply]: LPA Super VIP

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    haha that was ace
     

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