I appreciate constructive criticism...you know the drill. Rest Your Head Ashes through the windows as they let the buildings burn I’m back here counting hours as I strain to find the words But I know nothing can be made from false depictions of the truth And battles can’t be won until the rights are passed to you Don’t jump the gun, don’t sound alarms At least not until we’re armed With verses built of lines to kill The blood that’s spilled for the victory march Now it’s etched into the memories of a thousand victim eyes But in one ear and out the other, back up, state the time The place, the reasons, there are none, they said that nothing can be done But poison is the guilt that tells you what you’re hiding from So rest your head and fuck the strain That follows every paper chase Abuse their deafness to the freedom fighter Rolling in his grave What is freedom if we’ve got no time to break out from the crowds And follow all the roving dreams we never were allowed To walk a night in different shoes and wear down through the soles Or breathe the salt and gasoline on every coastal road There’s just so much to take in Beyond the crimes that we commit So revel in the light of Our enduring right to live
Oh that's just lovely, my dear. I like it a lot. It reminds me of some pieces of tried to write, but they were always too straightforward. Yours isn't straightforward, but still gets at what you're trying to say. Which is what I like about it. And your vocabulary...is just amazing.
it's beautiful. majestic in it's own desperate way if you know what i'm trying to say. thumbs up for working those long lines. it's a masterpiece if you want to lengthen it and enhance it. but fantastic! i swear.