Senses.

Discussion in 'Your Projects' started by Arhaz, Aug 17, 2007.

  1. #1
    Arhaz

    Arhaz ...waiting. LPA Super Member

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    ok, i wrote this under seven minutes, it was just a spur. i don't know what got into me, and now my brain is completely numb. i haven't written in six to seven months...maybe even eight, and this is my first piece since. i know i could do more work on this, but i don't want to...i like the raw unfinished feeling of this piece...it's the last words of a man who suicides out of failure from life...but till the end he hopes that he will still see a brighter future. tell me what you think...here it is...Senses.

    sENsEs.


    Locked behind my bedroom door, behind the scene,
    Blurry images of what I can’t see fascinating me,
    And I’m praying someday that I can see,
    See something good to believe it’s real.

    A crawling I feel under this cloak,
    A cloak of skin on flesh blood soaked,
    And I’m wishing sometime that I can feel,
    Feel something good so I can believe.

    The thunder roars all around,
    Maybe just whispers left from what surrounds,
    And I hope sometime soon that I can hear,
    Hear some good so I have nothing to fear.

    The musty smell of my own blood,
    Chokes me, holds me, till I’ve had enough,
    And someday I wish that I can breathe,
    Breathe the air that doesn’t bleed.

    A bitter taste of acid at the end of my tongue,
    Overtook me my death, in my throat it hung,
    And I’m guessing someday I needn’t have to taste,
    Taste this sense of failure, taste this sense of waste.



    i can't explain my feeling right now, it's like i'm really really high. the back of my brain is burning a bit, and that happens to me when i'm really nervous or anxious or afraid. i'm in an ecstatic state right now...and this poem... this poem just defines the eccentricity i'm in, the eccentricity of still believeing even when you've lost it all, even when you've lost yourself...and the beauty of hoping, and just knowing that even if it all ends, there is still something better going to happen, if not to you, to the person you love, or to the whole world...God knows.
     
    Last edited: Aug 17, 2007
  2. #2
    Fox

    Fox Love & Trolls LPA Super Member

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    I don't like it, I love it! You just described me on that poem...

    Really good job, I'm very impressed.

    ^_^
     
  3. #3
    Arhaz

    Arhaz ...waiting. LPA Super Member

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    thank you, ori.
     
  4. #4
    Disenchanted

    Disenchanted The Black Parade is Dead! LPA Super Member

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    Brilliant.
     
  5. #5
    Arhaz

    Arhaz ...waiting. LPA Super Member

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    thanks Jay.
     
  6. #6
    heshboy

    heshboy Well-Known Member

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    I love your poems. I leave for a while... ad come back, and bam you are still spitting out awesome poems on a level I wish I could write. Good job, and keep up the worX.
     
  7. #7
    Rahat

    Rahat Nyeh LPA VIP

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    this is real cool man keep it up
     
  8. #8
    Arhaz

    Arhaz ...waiting. LPA Super Member

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    God hesh, you are great yourself...don't be crazy, you write the most amazing rap lyrics.

    thanks all, really really means a lot.
     
  9. #9
    faiintx

    faiintx Member

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    wow. i was never good at writing...
    but you are a PRODIGY!
     
  10. #10
    esaul17

    esaul17 antichrist

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    This poem seemed to make me think of someone who longed for an afterlife...to be free of this piece of flesh they called a body and exist in a pure, non material form.

    It was written well, but on an emotional level I couldn't feel gripped by this piece as much as your others though. This isn't your fault however- you don't write poems to specifically cater to me :).
     

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