Sweet dreams

Discussion in 'Your Projects' started by Sexy_Kittie_722, Jan 1, 2006.

  1. #1
    Sexy_Kittie_722

    Sexy_Kittie_722 Banned

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    Sweet Dreams

    The Sun shinning down on me
    through the clouds as the breeze
    passes by me while sitting at the ocean
    the sound of the ocean and the birds
    and the smell of ocean water
    its like a dream so real yet it doesn't seem like it
    The dream keeping me sane while sitting there
    under the sun tanning letting it beaming down on me
    the cold ocean water running over my feet while
    sitting in the wet sand forgetting about everything
    for the mean time

    its only me here with birds and the breeze and its my world
    my dream that i only control no one but me
    i can taste strawberrys while in this dream as i am
    eating them and lemonade and just sitting there
    taking in the moment while it last

    i can feel the water going over my feet the seaweed going by me
    the breeze blowing in my hair and the water hitting the habor
    i can hear that as the waves crashs against the wood
    and the birds going around and the sand feeling warm on this
    summers day

    soon it will end when i wake, cause this is my sweet dream
    to escape for the time while i sleep

    to my soliatude

    By Sexy Kittie 722

    (if i miss spelled something please let me know thnk you)
     
  2. #2
    D_A_V_I_D

    D_A_V_I_D Pure Pwnage

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    It had good descripition and the imagery was used well. The flow was quite good aswell. I didn't think this poem was fantastic though as it just happened, and then it was finished. It didn't build up to anything, didn't evoke any emotions, didn't make me think about anything. There was not enough feeling in this poem, it just seemed to superficial for me to enjoy it.

    Still, very good try. Hope to read more soon.
     
  3. #3
    Louis

    Louis Message me if you need to talk. We love you all. LPA Team

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    I have the same opinion as David.

    You should enter the lyrics competition. You'd do...decently.
     
  4. #4
    Sexy_Kittie_722

    Sexy_Kittie_722 Banned

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    thank you for the feedback , this poem was mainly random

    but thanks for the feedback , i will try harder next time to make it
    all work out
     
  5. #5
    linkinpark_ben25

    linkinpark_ben25 In Your Face!

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    You Mispelt Habour, You Put Habor

    Kinda Sounds Like A Papa Roach Song
     
  6. #6
    Sexy_Kittie_722

    Sexy_Kittie_722 Banned

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    thnk you,Sir...

    for letting me know this...
     

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