The Advice Thread (formerly GSYWTLO)

Discussion in 'Serious Chat' started by Derek, Dec 5, 2009.

  1. #21
    Derek

    Derek LPAssociation.com Administrator LPA Administrator

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    Jesse, you ultimately control your own fate and whatever you want to do with your life is your prerogative. Your parents [like most] will try to tell you what to do, or at least guide you on your path in life...but if being a writer is what you want to do in life, go for it. Whatever you feel will make you both happy and successful.
     
  2. #22
    Ophelia

    Ophelia LPA Super VIP LPA Super VIP

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    Jesse, I sent you a PM regarding the publishing information, I hope it helps.

    I agree with Derek's advice to you as well. Doing what you need to do for your own happiness is the best thing to do, regardless of whether its going to make your family happy.
     
  3. #23
    Jesse

    Jesse Out of the abyss. LPA Über VIP

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    Thank you both Derek and Coraline, I think I agree with both of you. I fear that my older sister will try to exercise me though. :lol: (I wish I were joking)
     
  4. #24
    Derek

    Derek LPAssociation.com Administrator LPA Administrator

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    You mean exorcise lol.
     
  5. #25
    Jesse

    Jesse Out of the abyss. LPA Über VIP

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    I do. Thanks. They're both scary. :lol:
     
  6. #26
    Gloomy Mushroom

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    I feel like exploding my face off at him at the moment.

    I've walked around the hot weather trying to organise money and a new house and where is he? Not at work, but at his parents place and I need him to be on the lease because he works and we have a better chance of getting it together than if I go at it alone! I need him to photocopy his ID and he's treating it as it's a complete joke! He's really starting to push my buttons that boyfriend of mine. He knows that I hate living here with his unmedicated whingy housemate and that I want out. Why is he trying to delay my happiness? Am I getting upset over nothing? I have Christmas right around the corner and since Mum and Dad have legally divorced now and can't bare to be within 500 feet of each other, I've got have Christmas early with my stepdad Steve and his daughter Vanessa on the 19th. On top of that, since getting this loan out, I'm poorer $33 a fortnight. I've hardly got any furniture, probably hardly any money to buy brand new furniture (ahh, the loveliness of op shopping) and this is how he treats it....like a joke? I'm hot, I'm annoyed.
     
  7. #27
    Kæton

    Kæton is Keaton LPA Über VIP

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    I guess you didn't bother to read what Derek or Andrea had to say regarding the use of this thread? This thread is not to be used as your personal blog. The purpose of this thread has been changed and is now specifically for those who are in need of advice. No where in your post was there even an indication you are seeking advice and considering your posts relate to the same subject over and over, I'm going to go ahead and say you're not looking for it. So as a friendly warning, please re-read Derek's post (the very first post in this thread that explains all this) and abide by those new guidelines. This is the second time a staff member has had to remind you of the purpose of this thread and again, we're asking you to respect those changes. There will be consequences if you continue to ignore those requests. Please do not force it to that point.

    Thank you.
     
  8. #28
    SecondCityKids

    SecondCityKids Hey John, What's Your Name Again? LPA Super Member

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    I wonder how she really feels. Does she miss me? Is she happy? Yesterday at boxing she looked really unhappy. At least to me she did. This dude she is supposedly with didn't even like hang out with her from what I saw. I mean I am deeply upset with her and I still made sure she was in the same group as me. Seeing her motivated the hell out of me. I gave it all I had. My friend asked her if seeing me bummed her out and she said "No, He looks happy" which I'm not really. Should I txt her and talk to her? I can't be her friend. I don't have that in me right now. But at the same time if she were to ever call me crying or really needed to talk I would for sure speak to her. I don't know.I still love her no matter what I said to her and I miss her alot. I don't know what to do.Should i stand my ground and keep my distance or should I break my word and approach her about it? I kind of hope she reads this.So she knows whats going on in my head. A response will be even better. I like this thread. I find it more helpful then GSYWTLO.
     
    Last edited: Dec 9, 2009
  9. #29
    Nikki

    Nikki I have no idea what is going on LPA Super Member

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    That's because GSYWTLO was filled with whinging, gobshite and crocodile tears.

    Jacob you need to focus on what you want for a change. While I understand you may still feel some sort of love for this person, are you sure you are not mixing this up with guilt? Are you sure you're not over-reading into her body language and twisting her normal behaviour into a way that suits you? If she needs you so badly, then she will approach you herself - granted I would rather any personal discussion you two have about this situation be kept out of this thread. For the mean time you should stick to sorting your own life (and more importantly: your own heart) out before you look at the rest of the folk around you.
     
  10. #30
    Derek

    Derek LPAssociation.com Administrator LPA Administrator

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    What she said.

    100% agreed.
     
  11. #31
    Theazninvasion68

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    Thanks you. ^^; I see that I'm just having a bad day. But thank you for helping me realize that your right, he's probably doing something right.
     
  12. #32
    Gloomy Mushroom

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    Okay so here it goes. Every time that one of his friends comes over or we go to see his boss (last reason was because he left his glasses at his place) I get told to stay quiet in the background and not mention my pregnancy at all. We've already had one big fight abou him not attending my birthing classes with me (and going to Portland instead to see his friend from Kempsey) and my sister got pissed off at his attitude and came with me instead, I feel like he's not wanting to take any responsibility at all. What should I do? I feel like he's trying to hide me from his friends and that's making me a bit on edge.

    I feel like our relationship as of late is crumbling and we've been together for about five months now and with bub on the way, I don't think I could handle a break up right now.
     
  13. #33
    SecondCityKids

    SecondCityKids Hey John, What's Your Name Again? LPA Super Member

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    Wow I'm sorry :hug:
    This guy sounds like a total douche bag.
    I am no expert by any means but maybe you should ask him if he is ashamed of the situation you are in. If he answers yes then he needs to go because you dont need any useless people around you during this time. Stay close to your family and friends. Arrange child support or whatever and let him go. I might be wrong though.
     
  14. #34
    Gloomy Mushroom

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    Biologically he's not the father - the father is another issue I'm dealing with after she's born and like I told my boyfriend, I have no intention on putting him as her birth father on her birth certificate. Thankies for the hugs.
     
  15. #35
    Luke

    Luke Mind Your Manners. LPA Addicted VIP

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    I want you to think about what I'm gonna type here:

    I despise my father. I hate him on just about every level there is possible for never having made the effort to meet me let alone know me. I hate the fact that I'll never know what it was like having a father growing up because I'm already nineteen. I hate the fact that he never made contact with my mother again. I hate just about every aspect of his existance for never being there when I needed him. But his name is on my birth certificate and I would not have it any other way.

    Now there are those who would call me crazy for having said that previous sentance but we're talking about biological connections. These connections should never to be severed no matter what the consequence, even in the case of abandonment of offspring. I say this because in due time your child will want to know who their father is - no matter how horrible he was or still may be. By leaving the father's name off your child's birth certificate you're denying their birth right to know who it was who created them.

    Also you need to take into consideration that, whether you like it or not, the father has a right to see his child just as much as a child has a right to know who their father is. He might be the definition of evil itself but blood is blood and once you pro-create there's a bind that's been made that cannot be broken. As I've said, I've never met my father, hell, I've never even seen a picture of him but he's still my father and I accept that no matter how much I don't want to.

    I wouldn't be one bit happy if he suddenly decided to waltz into my life tomorrow (on the flip side, there's every chance he wouldn't be happy if I did the same thing - he could be living a perfectly happy life without me and my emergence could fuck everything up for him) because he was a selfish prick for leaving when I was born. But at the same time I can acknowledge that myself and my father are two missing pieces in a jigsaw puzzle in each of our lives and no matter if we conciously want to accept it, we are connected by blood and have every right to know who each other is.

    I know it's not a decision you want to make because obviously the father has been a complete dick to you. But I want you to think about what I've said because at the end of the day a child not knowing who their parent(s) was is something I can say first hand is heartbreaking - but even a name can go a long way to having some grasp of knowledge of who that parent was. If you fill in that box 'unknown' then you leave your child to wonder any number of things which could easily result in a backlash towards you later in life. So I urge you to think about it long and hard. It's not about what you want or anyone else or even if it would be beneficial - it's about your child having identity.

    I hope you make a right choice. Good luck Sarah, I really mean it. :)
     
    Last edited: Dec 13, 2009
  16. #36
    Derek

    Derek LPAssociation.com Administrator LPA Administrator

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    With all due respect: Grow up. What you said above is so reckless and irresponsible for your child, that while others will stand around and be sweet to you..I'm gonna put it like this: You need to stop thinking about yourself, and start thinking about your child otherwise you're going to be a terrible mother.

    To be blunt: Whether you like your ex-boyfriend or not, it was his sperm that helped create the child that you are carrying right now. "Bub" wouldn't have been made possible if you didn't have unprotected sex with your ex-boyfriend, but because of the fact you did...and because of the fact you refused to do what every responsible person should do which is WEAR A RUBBER, you're having a child from someone you don't love, and that's a consequence you have to take.

    Many people on here are kids from a family that is divorced. Some have never met their father really (like Luke) and would love the opportunity to do so. You mean to tell me that you're going to rob the child of his real father because you think the guy isn't a good guy? Why don't you let the child decide that when he is old enough? The fact of the matter is, this kid is your ex's too like it or not...and he has every right to see his kid and raise him if he wants to.

    Now stop thinking so illogically and be a decent parent for once by doing what's right instead of what's fueled by your hate and resentment. My apologies if you think this is rough but SOMEONE has to say this. You need tough love, not ass kissing from people who wont tell you what you're doing is wrong.
     
  17. #37
    Sonic

    Sonic Searching for the last Chaos Emerald... LPA Super Member

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    Derek has just saved a lot of members from posting about the current topic.

    +1
     
  18. #38
    Theazninvasion68

    Theazninvasion68 It's like blood to a vampire, our tragic desire. LPA Super VIP

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    This, pretty much. Golden advice for you Sarah. Tough as it is, it's true. It's not that any of us are out to mess your life up. Luke here has really set down a great personal example, and one that be dang likely to occur to your child as well. Derek here really did key points. 1)Consequence, 2)to not be fueled by hate and resentment, and 3) wear a rubber.

    As for your current boyfriend. It's tough for any man to have to accept that a new being is coming. It frightens some, it amazing some. To the bit of it, tell your boyfriend that you are feeling like you are being put aside, because he may do so unknowingly. Ask him if he's really dedicated to you and all. And yes, have patience explaining. :p
     
  19. #39
    Gloomy Mushroom

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    No I meant I have no intention of putting my boyfriend as the biological father not the other way around. I know as much as I hate Shannon (the biological father) I have to face my problems because it's a different ball game when a child is involved - it would be a lot different if it was only a puppy.

    And as for the original problem, I just don't want my parents to think bad of my current boyfriend who has provided so much for me. The fact that I feel like our relationship is crumbling is another problem which I don't know how to raise with him. I feel like if I tell him we're going to have a fight and break up for real. How do I tell him, is another problem for me?
     
    Last edited: Dec 13, 2009
  20. #40
    Derek

    Derek LPAssociation.com Administrator LPA Administrator

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    Well the reason we all suspected otherwise is because a few months ago you said you didn't want to put Shannon on the birth certificate and that you were going to deny the father the chance to see his kid.

    I'm happy you came around.
     

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