The Advice Thread (formerly GSYWTLO)

Discussion in 'Serious Chat' started by Derek, Dec 5, 2009.

  1. Gloomy Mushroom

    Gloomy Mushroom Absolute Zero LPA Super VIP

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    Ah my apologies.

    So I'm in a sticky situation atm. Have been with my partner with almost 2 years and as of late, we've been arguing way too much. So I snapped today and kicked him out. But every time that happens we end up getting back together and I end up feeling miserable in the relationship and the cycle starts all over again.

    One pet peeves is the fact that he wants a kid so soon after Mia and she's ten months. I've got to take my birth control pills when he's asleep or he tries to hide them from me (i.e. he takes the box outta the bathroom or my bag) so I end up skipping a day and we end up not doing it that night (then complaints follow). FML. I really don't want to be pregnant to him because of another medical reason. It's bad enough Mia's biological father treats me like crap. BAH. Isn't that a form of control?!
     
    Last edited: Dec 23, 2010
  2. Bradley

    Bradley Butt makes me weep, I call it a “boo-hooty".

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    I don't know what to do...

    My friend who I knew since the 6th grade has had sex for the first time with her boyfriend today...I'm just speechless right now because me and her are sophomores now in high school and I'm just...I can't even put in into words how I feel about this. At first when I heard the news (which was just 30 minutes ago) I was disappointed and angry, but I didn't tell her. I then precoded to cry because I told myself "this can't be happening". I don't know what to do. I'm not going to flat out leave her, I'm going to be her best friend to the end, it's just I'm scared of what she did. And I know the boyfriend personally and we are really great friends. So I'm not angry at anyone right now....the only thing I'm angry is what happen.

    I know I'm not that much of an active member in the LPA; but I don't know what to do and I need some advice. Because even though I'm usually the one who gives people guidance...I need guidance myself over this situation.
     
  3. Gloomy Mushroom

    Gloomy Mushroom Absolute Zero LPA Super VIP

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    ^ How old is your friend?
     
  4. Bradley

    Bradley Butt makes me weep, I call it a “boo-hooty".

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    She's 15 (she is having her sweet 16 in a couple of weeks)
     
  5. Gloomy Mushroom

    Gloomy Mushroom Absolute Zero LPA Super VIP

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    I personally wouldn't take it to heart as having sex is one's personal choice and whatever choice they have made I would've respected as long as protection and precautions were taken to avoid pregnancy. I lost my virginity at 16 and now 21 with a ten month old daughter. So I would tell her how felt just steam it off if you wanted but don't get into a major fight and break the friendship over it. :)
     
  6. Bradley

    Bradley Butt makes me weep, I call it a “boo-hooty".

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    I don't want to get in a major fight, cause my friendship with her means a lot to me. And yeah I have thought about how it was her own personal choice on doing it, it's just I'm surprised and feeling a stomach ache pain of it cause I'm so scared and worried. She told me her boyfriend pulled out when they did it, and it makes it a little better in my head that at least she was safe. I wanted to steam off the anger I had about it, but it's night time here and my 4 year old sister is sleeping in my room (cause she thinks there's a monster in her room) and I don't want to wake her up; so it's hard keeping it in right now.

    I know there are a lot of people who have their first time in high school, I know people who have had their first time. It's just with her it's different....she's my best friend and I would do anything for her, I have known her since the beginning of middle school, but to hear this news makes me feel......like I said I can't even explain how I feel about it. Right now what I'm saying is that it was her own personal choice...it's sorta numbing this feeling I have.
     
  7. Theazninvasion68

    Theazninvasion68 It's like blood to a vampire, our tragic desire. LPA Super VIP

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    Well. She is your friend, however, Why can't this happen? I can see why you might be dissapointed, but.. why are you disappointed specifically? Why are you angry, also?
     
  8. travz21

    travz21 Muscle Museum LPA Super Member

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    Jesus. It sounds like you're in love with her.

    Her having sex with her boyfriend doesn't have anything to do with you. If you don't like the actions your friends are doing, just don't be friends with them. If you don't want to lose their friendship, then just take all of their actions that you think are wrong with a grain of salt.




    If you know getting back together with him makes you miserable, you know what you should do. Just break it off completely.

    Oh, and add in the fact that he's forcefully trying to get you pregnant. No offense to you and your choices, but this guy sounds like a tool and not somebody you should be around. Or your child. If he doesn't respect your decision of not wanting to get pregnant, what other choices will he ignore related to the kid you have now? I don't trust this guy.
     
    Last edited: Dec 23, 2010
  9. Bradley

    Bradley Butt makes me weep, I call it a “boo-hooty".

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    I didn't know how to react about the thing; like I said I had all sorts of emotions going through me. It's like having your sister telling you that she has lost her virginity at an early age, it's difficult to accept but what's done is done. I'm gonna be there for her still; I already got things talked down about this with a friend, so I already got some guidance over this.

    She's like my sister man. It's hard for me to accept.

    You make it sound so simple. I already accepted what has been done by talking to somebody else. So I'm calmed down about the whole thing. Nothing I can do and your right it doesn't involve me by one bit. I see what your saying. It was her choice and wasn't pressured. Even though you told me flat out there....you could have sound a bit nicer though


    EDIT: All I really was concern was how to deal with the fact what has happen. After talking with some personal friends of mine about the whole situation, I have already accepted what has happen and there is nothing I can do right now but go one just like it was before. It's not my business to get involve in it and should not pursue to be involve.
     
    Last edited: Dec 23, 2010
  10. Gloomy Mushroom

    Gloomy Mushroom Absolute Zero LPA Super VIP

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    I agree with you in the first part concerning "O" Beast.

    Secondly, well, after him being kicked out he came around to grab his tooth brush and helped me with putting Mia to bed (I think sometimes he mistakes me for being an idiot) and I just looked at him like "What the hell, get the hell out." So he left a few minutes later. Apparently, he's going to give me some time to myself tonight and he's going to come back and help me clean up since I refuse to touch his mess in the kitchen.
     
  11. _cam_

    _cam_ Well-Known Member

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    Sarah, if he loves you and especially Mia and you still love him then there's nothing to complicate about it. You'll both grow together more maturely and be considerate to each other. Now, if you're tired of his bullshit and you don't love him anymore then break up with him. For sure, this isn't so easy but who said life's easy. Good luck! :)

    That cleared everything.

    I really thought you like her when I first read your post and you're just in denial about it. :lol:
     
  12. travz21

    travz21 Muscle Museum LPA Super Member

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    I'm not trying to sound negative. I'm just telling you straight up. I don't have bedside manner when giving people advice they need to hear haha.

    You will have friends that do drugs, have sex, cheat at school, whatever. In order to be friends with someone, you don't need to agree with their life choices or follow in their footsteps. You're friends with each other for your positives, not your negatives.

    I'm 22 now, but I still remember what it was like when I was your age and things like sex came up. It seemed like a huge deal. I felt like the girls that had sex had somehow changed and were completely different from the other girls that were virgins. In reality, your friend will still be the same person she was before she had sex. Sex isn't a big deal. What is a big deal is getting pregnant when you're not intending for it to happen. Voice your concerns about that, but not the fact that she is having sex. Just tell her to be safe.

    But if this is still bothering you, you might have have more feelings for her than you're letting yourself believe.
     
  13. Bradley

    Bradley Butt makes me weep, I call it a “boo-hooty".

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    What you just said here made me think differently about the whole thing now. Well you know I'm pretty much new to the whole "friends that do drugs, have sex, cheat at school" thing. I know there people who do that, but when I find out that close personal friends of mine are getting exposed to that, I get a little scared if things change after it. Really I'm still not sure how to think of the whole thing. But like you said before it doesn't really involve me, only that she told me first about it. Right now it's the break and I won't see her until school begins again, so I don't know if having sex has change her (which like you said before, she might not have change at all).

    And yeah I used to have feelings for her back in the 7th grade, but they slowly died out during my freshman year. She believes her world is her boyfriend and has told me the many poems she wrote for him. I can look at this situation more brighter because at least she had safe sex with someone she truly loves with instead with some total stranger.
     
  14. travz21

    travz21 Muscle Museum LPA Super Member

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    Oh, and pulling out is not safe sex. You can still get pregnant pretty easily. Condoms are cheap. Even cheaper when you add up how much a baby or abortion would cost.
     
  15. Gloomy Mushroom

    Gloomy Mushroom Absolute Zero LPA Super VIP

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    Trust me, that "boyfriend" of hers especially seeing it's high school would probably not last. It's puppy love at the moment.
     
  16. Harlz

    Harlz More Scared Of You Than You Are Of Me LPA Super Member

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    Yeah the only issue there is that 'pulling out' is definately not safe sex.
     
  17. Derek

    Derek LPAssociation.com Administrator LPA Administrator

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    Anybody who thinks that just by pulling out, the girl won't get pregnant needs a good slap upside the head. No offense to anybody, but that is very stupid.

    The guy should always, always, ALWAYS wear a condom. And even with that, there's always a risk of condom breakage...meaning the girl should be on some form of birth control to be safer.

    And if the girl is like my one friend who was on BC and had her boyfriend wear a condom, and still got pregnant...well there's nothing you can do about that then. Everytime you have sex there is always a risk of unexpected pregnancy which is why you should only be having sex with someone you completely care for. Because if you don't, you're either stuck with that person for life or are stuck being a single parent.
     
  18. Dean

    Dean LPA Addict LPA Addict

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    Once, my friend didn't wear a condom and his face got bitten off by a staffie.
     
  19. travz21

    travz21 Muscle Museum LPA Super Member

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    Isn't that one of the warnings on condom packages?
     
  20. Dean

    Dean LPA Addict LPA Addict

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    It should be. It'd be a start towards solving overpopulation.
     

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