Discussion in 'Serious Chat' started by Squish Mitten, Aug 17, 2014.
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Why live in fear when we have no need to?
So, it's been a big night for me. I just told my one of my best friends that I think I am also attracted to women. I felt like I was back in the closet all over again, which is a very weird place for a very progressive and self aware person like me to be in. So I told her this and she was cool (I knew she would be because she also super progressive, but in the LGBT community you can get weird backlash for this sort of thing). But we got done talking and the floodgates of my sexuality kind of burst open. Just saying made my feelings so much more concrete and began to contemplate what this means. What do I want in future partners. What hit me like a brick in that moment was I came upon the realization that I have a crush on my other best friend.
So I have this crazy new sexuality that only just now feels official and like I can really flesh things out and I realized here is this person. We're best friends, have been a long time. She is kind of all things I would want in a partner and I know she is cool with the whole trans thing. Of course to top it all off, she is really hot. This also isn't a one way street, there has been moments of sexual tension in the past, including an opportunity that completely blew over my head one night. I also feel like I am the one to kind of save her from this self desctructing relationship.
So I am just really, like, hyper sensitive right now. I'm just at a million miles an hour with all these crazy new thoughts and fascinations. I feel like I need to talk about this as much as possible, for what reason, I don't know. Anyways, if you stuck through my high school drama BS I thank you.
I feel like I can't trust anyone anymore.
I've been talking to this girl daily for the past few months and she just recently broke up with her boyfriend a couple of weeks ago cause she told me she has feelings for me. I told her I felt the same way. But she needed time before we dated and I understood that. So the next week we were really close, almost acting like a couple besides kissing and hugging. Then this past week she hasn't acted the same. It's like all of the sudden we are just friends instead of really close friends with feelings for each other. She talks to the guy she just broke up with as much as me, and she hasn't responded to any of my texts for the past few days. It's like she just lost all feelings for me out of the blue.
I know most of you will just tell me it's just high school dating, it wouldn't have lasted anyways. But it's not that. I feel betrayed. She always talked about "when we dated," never "if." So I feel right into her trap, thinking we'd date sometime soon. But now she just turned her back like every other girl I've had feelings for, so now I feel like I can't trust anyone. I don't want to ever care about anyone if no one cares about me. I don't want friends anymore if they're just gonna treat me like shit. Guess I was just destined to be depressed and alone.
EDIT: I have no will to do anything with my life right now. All I've done for the past few hours is just lie in my bed and listen to music. I doubt I'll even attempt to get out of my bed at all today.
^ Been there, man. For me, it really helped using my friends to bounce back. I feel like I'm giving advice to myself here, too, but you gotta hang in there. Even if you've had some shitty experiences, you can't let it get in the way of your other relationships. It's not fair to cast this sort of judgment on future girls because a girl played you (I know, it sucks). But keep in mind, putting up walls won't help the situation none. You can go back to page 4 and see the same sort of bullshit that I'm dealing with, and a lot of it is because I put up walls after high school because of the stress I put on myself. Looking back, it wasn't the right way to handle it and I would do it over given the chance. You've got to bounce back and do something to take your mind off it; your sanctuary. For me, it's playing soccer or even just juggling a soccer ball. If it's listening to music in your room for you, then by all means, do whatever you need to clear your head. I just don't want you to make the same mistakes as me.
Had the same thing happen to me. In December, she's on the edge of breaking up with her boyfriend and dating me, but she's "really confused and insecure about her feelings". So I just let her decide, in the meantime we kept hanging out as friends, and of course in January when school started, it's like she lost all feelings for me. So that really sucked. I couldn't even hang out with her any more. Until like April we went out like once in two weeks for half an hour under the excuse that I had a lot to study.
Naturally, after school ended in June we began hanging out more again, and the same drama again. "I love you, but I can't break up with him..." So this time I went with a bit more agressive tactic. I basically told her in a nicer way that I wouldn't hang out with her at all if she didn't leave the guy. And this resulted in a week of silence and not really talking. I was done, depressed, thought it was over before it started. But I was wrong. We've been dating since July.
Point is, make it more obvious that you like her and want to date her. All that romantic shit that I found hard to even say out loud, girls love that. Don't lay there depressed, go out and tell her what you want.
When someone tells you an example of another person who accomplished things despite their shortcomings, it doesn't inspire you at all, nothing motivates you, nothing seems interesting. Don't believe in anything, don't care for anything. Seriously, what is wrong with me?
I've already poured my heart out to her. She just has trust issues because her old boyfriend is basically dating this other girl already. She was convinced that her old boyfriend was so in love with her and he has already found someone else to go to. And there's the whole situation with her dad that I won't get into. She has trouble trusting that me when I say that I like her, but I've said it a hundred times (not exaggerating). I've told her specifically why I like her and everything but she still can't trust me. And now I have my doubts of if she likes me or not. And it's not helping that she hasn't texted me back for the past few days.
But thankfully today was better. It seems as if she was just in a mood for the past few days and she finally snapped out of it. But we're still not as close as we were last week. And I feel like it has something to do with this problem she had last Friday that she wouldn't tell me about, cause that's the day it all changed. If only she was just more open with me. I honestly have no clue what she's feeling and if she actually likes me or not.
Ugh this is a complicated mess I've gotten myself into. I wish she would've just forgotten me when I told her to when she and her boyfriend started arguing...
this is the key to life.
So we talked... and it's over... there's no chance of us dating...
Take solace in the fact that you got closure. I can't say the same about of lot of relationships/potential relationships I've been in... Better to get an answer, rather than living knowing what may have been.
I think worst part about the text was that she said never, that there is no hope for us being together. That's what tore me apart.
I don't understand why I continue to like and care about people when all they do is let me down. The moment I care about someone is the moment I let myself down.
This isn't really about you, this is her problem. Probably the situation with her ex and her dad has her even more depressed than you are. When you are with her, comfort her. Don't just take that "no". Maybe some time in the future.
[I was gonna type up an issue but it ended up just bragging. ]
Today was better. We acted how we normally have been for the past week, so I guess that's good enough for now. I just feel empty inside. We just so much potential and I believed that this relationship would've lasted, but for her to just all of the sudden change and say that she can't trust me or anyone kills me. Who knows, maybe one day I'll gain her trust and things will work out. And I'll keep my options open, but it'll probably be a while until I let go.
My fiancee tried to kill herself today and is now in the ER. There have been relationship problems between us. She made a major slip up and it's hard for me to forgive her. I love to death, but my heart is broke. I had to call 911 and she was having seizures, vomiting, and screaming bloody murder because it hurt. The paramedics showed up and brought her in the ambulance. I rode in the passenger seat in the ambulance to the hospital. They made me wait in the lobby for almost two hours and meanwhie I was freaking out because they gave me no updates. They finally brought me back to see her only to find her with tubes, two IV's, and several heart monitor pads. The amount of pain I feel now is unbearable. *sigh*
Oh my god, Derek. That's terrible to hear. Here's hoping that she will be okay. Are you doing alright?
That must be horrible. Very sorry to hear it. I hope both of you are okay, especially her. Hopefully everything in the relationship works out fine. Hang in there, bro.
She's stabilized thank god! I've been in this situation quite a bit. When I was 18 I took two bottles of extra strength tylenol. I woke up a week later in the hospital. The doc told my mom that I was going to die. Well, I'm here with no liver damage. The doc said it was a miracle. Ive been struggling with that lately again. But being on the other side of the fence has made me see how much it would hurt others. She gets overwhelmed when I get these feelings because her moms husband hung himself when my gf was 13 and she had to cut him down and give him CPR and he didnt make it. She's nauseated and no damage done. She will most likely be in the psych ward. Which I support. I think there are several mental issues shes facing. Shes a great girl and the love of my life. The funny thing is I never met her mom and she made me think she was a monster. Her mom was actually amazing and she likes me very much (thank god.) This has been quite the learning experience. I had one hour of sleep. I have never cried like that in my entire life. FOr hours! Everything good!
Thank you for your support! You guys rock!
I'm so glad that this thread is working. You guys are so supportive and awesome!
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