The Venting Out Thread

i'm really pissed right now, and i'd like to tell you guys the reason why. i'll come back here later to write it down.

 

Post of the fucking decade.

 

thank you, i'm happy now. later i will tell you why i was pissed off

when i get some time alone to think and write it, ill do it.

 

Man , i just should stop to drink. Cant believe how many crap i can talk, like i was another person.
Man i was like a "i will take ya MOOOOM and ya sista" rappers
Maybe she hits me emotional, but she doesnt deserve the crap i talked about her. Man its one moment i am not proud of myself, i am in shame.
Atleast it was just a monologue, but it was kind of fucking stupid. Never thought i could say something like that. I am a friendly person , how the hell could something like tht happen to me
I should try to get my problems in order...

 

You can do it!

 

You just dont know how long i tell me this now :/

 

I don't really expect any of you guys to reply to me, I just need a place to dump my thoughts and get them out of my head.

For the past few days this extreme feeling of depression has taken over my thoughts. All I've been able to do is lay in my bed and let my mind drift. And recently I've been having thoughts of suicide. I don't know how the hell I'd ever do it, I haven't thought about that at all. But all I can think about is that all my "friends" really don't give a shit about me, and how much better people's lives would be if I was gone. When I look at myself, I hate who I've become. Somehow I've become this overly sarcastic asshole that is more annoying than funny to everyone. And I can't stand it.

Adding onto that, the girl who I liked (who I talked about earlier in this thread) is drifting further and further away. She's becoming closer with all these other friends (especially this other guy) and talking to me less and less. Where before she always wanted to be with me (preferably alone), now she wants to talk to all these other people and couldn't care less if we talked at all. In addition, she rarely texts me back, so I've just given up on texting her. She just threw away this strong friendship she built and I still have no clue why.

And I know that I'm falling deeper and deeper into depression, and if I don't break away now, I fear depression will take over me.

 

i made a big post, but it was confuse, so ill try to make it as simple as possible. my problem is:

i had a girlfriend, then a friend of mine decided that she wanted me (it was on her birthday party), i accepted it but at the party my conscience didnt let me do it. since then she kept teasing and promising to do some *cool* things with me and one day i couldnt hold on anymore it and it happened

2 weeks later i broke up with my girlfriend because i didnt wanted to be a jerk to her, and because my friend is also a "friend" of her and she also didnt wanted to keep betraying her too.
then i stayed with my friend for a few weeks and it was great, then our relationship started to get more serious and at the same time boring, she started to get annoying and disinterested and we started to fight a lot.

our relation was bad, and i would have ended it myself if it wasnt for the fact that she is beautiful and hot as hell and for the *cool things* promise that only happened ONCE

last week she broke up with me, which is kind of o.k. but she only did it after 3 days without talking to me and only when i asked what was going on.

now i'm pissed of because she didnt live up to my expectations and to her promises, she didnt even bothered to tell me that she did wanted to be with me anymore she just stopped talking to me. and most of all because i've spent a shitload of money with her in the last 3 months, and most of it was a waste and she never gave nothing back to me. actually right now i'm stuck with her
because i just payed the gym and i have to go with her.

i dont know if you guys will understand what i'm feeling, its hard to tell a story in a language im not used to.

 

you're aware.

you say that you feel like an "overly sarcastic asshole", okay, so what do you want to be? what makes you think that you are what you
think you are? and how does that fit in with who you want to be?

the thing is, you can be whatever the fuck you want to be. so be it.

i am going to assume you're young, in which case you have plenty of time to truly find yourself. don't freak out. at least you know what
you don't want to be. know that.

if your friends don't care about you because of who you are. see above. if your friends don't care about you because they're assholes, well,
they're not your friends. you deserve better. find friends who will truly care about you, because they're real friends. as much as it might
hurt to lose friends, if they're not real friends, it's for the better.

and this girl, well it's her loss, isn't it? tell me that it's her loss. don't be scared of the truth, it makes sense. if they're willing to let a
relationship [of any kind] go so easily, is it really a relationship? it's not worth letting this get to you. right now you have your own shit
to sort out. so focus on that first. focus on you.

some people feel the need to check out, but i'd say don't. accept the challenge. find shit to live for.

ur appreciated.

never have expectations. it's always disappointing isn't it?

it was bad relationship. that's fine. they happen. learn from it.

your not really stuck with her, are you? if it's a membership, cancel it. or give yours to someone else. or just don't go. or, what you could do is,
go to the gym with her and work the fuck out. be fit. be healthy. be sexy. be happy. and make her jealous that she doesn't have you anymore.

don't worry about what you spent. just know that you learned that she isn't worth it.

move on.

 

Literally everything you're feeling in this post. We're more or less in the same place, sans suicide and sans liking the girl romantically.

Honestly, with the latter, it's become apparent to me that I will never know anyone who values the weight words can have equal to or more than myself. People throw words around like "special" and "different" and "unique" as if they're not flattery, they're just heartfelt truths, but that's not the reality of things - they say nice things when they wanna and don't when they're bored/have better things to do.

You can't trust people like that.

 

thats part of why i'm so pissed off, i didn't really have expectations, i knew our relation wouldnt get anywhere, we were not in love or anything, we were only friends who always flirted, it was a kind of modern relationship. my expectations were based on what she said and showed, she turned me on and then left me.

shes the one that started our relation, when we were drunk she always was a lot more caring and nice, and talked about becoming a real couple, and that she didnt wanted me to betray her like i did with my last girlfriend... now i'm the one that feels betrayed. must be karma.

 

can u tell me what have you learnt from this relationship?

 

Today I came back from the jaws of death, when the elevator I was in almost came crashing down five floors below. Luckily, by the grace of God, the door of the lift broke and lodged allowing me to get out in time.

 

Woah! Crazy! Glad you're OK.

 

Damn that sounds like a horrible experience to have. Glad you're alright!

 

karma sucks, and from now on i'll only have "relationships" with prostitutes, at least they wont hurt my feelings.

i dont know, its hard to explain. i cant think of anything specific that i learned. after all i'm to blame too.

 

Seriously the most complicated friendship of all time that has come to the "break up" point several times in the past week, and yet one of us is there trying to reason with the other to keep it going, first her, then me.

Well, more accurately, her, her, her, her, me.

It's strange that someone in her profession doesn't like using her phone or emails and the like, considering half her job revolves around managing people and sending out emails and being on top of the sub-office food chain.

I can't understand why it's so fucking hard to reply to something at your convenience, especially when it's supposedly my fault that she feels like she is letting me down - I didn't say I was let down by a lack of response...

This is the kind of person who runs at the first sign of trouble so either I am letting off some insane pheromones or she's just crazy for saying stuff like "I'm sorry, I want to end our friendship " and then willingly staying and talking for 2 more hours, and then blaming me for taking up so much of her time. This is all before leaving on a "Okay, let's try to make this work and be friends... again."

Actually, I think I just answered my own question...

 

...

 

My sister lost custody of her kids today. The dad has manipulated the kids to a disgusting degree. The oldest (who is the one to also been manipulated the most) claimed abuse, which is complete BS. Her ex husband is a real piece of shit. He could not let bygones be bygones. I've always hated that mother fucker, but I just don't know how to feel towards my oldest niece (13 yo). I know she's young and I know she's been lied to a lot, but this is just so fucked up.

 

A couple coworker friends of mine were making of trans girl that came into the store tonight. It just makes moving forward with this that much harder. I wish I could change. Or at least feel like I'm in a safe place.