Think a girl's cute but not interested in dating her...

So, there is this girl I know. When I first met her I was kind of flirty, mainly just to try to practice. She ended up really liking me...and I had told her I didn't like her before. We often joke around and are flirty...I was away from my university for Christmas and we talked a lot on MSN. I eventually told her directly that I wasn't interested in a relationship with her...that I thought she was pretty, but don't see us as really compatible. She got pretty down and said I almost made her cry...but later that day was back to being flirty and such again. It got to the point where we more or less cyber sexed (text only) two nights in a row. I have told her before I wouldn't want a relationship and she has said "even if it is purely sexual, I would be loyal to you..." and "i like you alot <my name> i hope whatever we have works out well)".

Would it be immoral to have sex with this girl...? I mean, I made my intentions totally clear...it isn't like I am lying to her or anything. And she has said she would have a purely sexual relationship...but would this just be toying with her emotions and using her unfairly?

 

i think she s accepting that purely sexual relationship becouse she hopes you will like her then...

you re not her father, SHE should decide what s the best decision, but if you consider this girl a friend too, i think you shouldn t do this....she ll surely suffer in a relationship like this...

 

Were I you, I'd think long and hard about all the repercussions of what may happen were you to have sex with this girl. You were honest with her when you told her you thought the two of you wouldn't be compatible as a couple, so be honest with her and tell her you don't think it's a good idea for you two to become sexually involved. She more or less seemed to have admitted to you she only wants to have sex with you and have nothing more. I don't think it's worth it because it'll ruin the friendship and potentially friendships amongst other people as well.

 

Thank you for all your advice. A few things I want to mention:

1) I wouldn't call us "great friends" or that we "had fought so hard" for our friendship. I have only known her about about a month or two...and honestly never really made an effort to be her friend. She just ended up seeming to like me and talking to me a decent amount online, and things evolved from there.

2) I worry less about me liking her and only being used for sex. At this current point, I would only want her to be friend that I just so happened to be having sex with. If I ended up with feelings for her then...well, I am the one who gets hurt. I am rather confident that I won't get feelings for her, and don't mind taking the risk if it would only be me who would suffer.




I am considering telling her that I am not interested in dating her and don't think I ever will be...but I am afraid that it might just be cruel to mention that AGAIN. Maybe I should completely come clean, and say I don't think I would ever be in a relationship with her. That she is my friend, and I find her attractive, so I would consider being friends with her with a purely sexual relationship "on the side"...but I don't want her to be sleeping with me in hopes that this will turn into something more than that because she is my friend and I don't want her to be hurt or feel used. Tell her if she wants to *just* be friends I am happy with that, and if she wants to be my friend with sexual benefits and nothing more we can see how things work out...but if she is really hoping for a boyfriend, for dating, for a relationship...I just can't give that to her.

Does this seem like a fair thing to do?

 

I wouldn't beg a girl to have sex with me in hopes of starting a relationship with her though. If a girl said to me "I am interested in you sexually but don't think I could date you, have a relationship with you, or anything else...we could be friends and, if you wanted, sexual partners...nothing more." then I would be appreciate her honesty. No one knows better than me how I feel about something, so it seems only fair to give me all the information I require to make a decision but not actually pretend they know what is good for me, ignore my own feelings, and decide for me. I would be hurt knowing I couldn't be in a relationship with this girl, and I don't think I would choose to be with her sexually. But I think it is my right to make that choice and if she thinks she can handle being satisfied sexually by me and having nothing more I have to trust her on that decision.

I mean, I am her equal, not her parent or something. I have to trust in her ability to choose what is best for herself...

 

I dunno what to think of this to be honest. It could be purely and simply she wants to be 'fuckbuddies' with you (basicly meaning you can meet up whenever and have sex with no strings attached). However I wouldn't risk it no matter how tempting it might be. She might actually want to start a relationship with you and she sees sex as a way of initiating it. If this is the case then you cannot proceed as it can only lead to bad things.

I think the bottom line is that no matter how enjoyable sex is, it's not a majorly important part of life. Sure it's nice if a girl is offering herself to you but there could always be interior motives that you have to be wary of.

 

I'd like to point out I attempted a "friends-with-benefits" type of situation before, albeit I had a feeling it was going to fail considering I was attempting to do it with my ex-girlfriend. But things were going well between us after we'd broken up, and everything fell apart again once we tried the "friends-with-benefits" thing. It's not entirely the same situation, but it's at least relevant. Consider something like that before you make your decision. It's got nothing to do with whether either of you are capable of making the decision on your own or not. You have to think about the repercussions associated with careless, casual sex.

 

It seems to me that you've made your mind up on the matter already... Considering that you keep reinforcing how you wouldn't be doing anything wrong if you were to have sex with her.

That's the vibe I'm getting anyway.

 

Well to be if I fully spelled it out to her and she ended up saying that is what she wanted, then I couldn't see it as me doing anything immoral. I mean, I don't think it fair to say if we both want to risk a friendship for something else we are bad people for doing so.

But I'm really talking to her about it and she is upset and drinking a bit but seems to be agreeing it would probably be better to just be friends...which is kind of relieving. I just hope the fact that she likes me period doesn't hurt our friendship.

 

If she's getting so upset over the fact you're possibly not willing to sleep with her just for the hell of it, then she's probably not a very good friend.

 

No, she isn't upset over that. She is upset over the fact that I wouldn't want anything more than that. She is just saying how much she would care for me and treat me well and all this, and I should just give her a chance...



But if anything, the fact that she is so upset even talking about this...I think that really shows that if anything did happened sexually between us she would just end up really hurt. I hope we can just remain friends and that she is okay.


Thanks a lot for all the advice everyone. Sorry if I seemed stubborn or whatever, I am argumentative by nature lol. Thanks again.

 

This is probably pretty much over, but I 'll throw in what I have to say anyway.

Think about this: If you end up sleeping with her, she might just accept the fact that you will never love her and find someone that IS willing to offer her closeness, romance and so on. Now my point is, you're human and jealousy is something no-one can fight off. If you're sleeping with this person and she gets involved with someone, she wants to be serious with, you WILL be affected in some way.

(Maybe not. I'm really just stating my opinion here.)

I personally am very jealous of people that get together with my best friend, eventhough we're not attracted to one another at all and we've never even considered sex, but the fact that there are others that share a close bond with her is enough for me to go all 'haywire'.

Whatever you decide, I'm crossing my fingers that it goes over well.

 

Friends come before emotionless sexual desires in my opinion. But that's me lol.