Chester Bennington Support Thread - We're here for you

I feel you, my mind is stuck on Chester's death too. Every single thing in life reminds me it's over for him but I know it's very difficult for others to understand that... I can tell it totally upsets people around me. I hate that but I feel comfort in being alone rather than in trying and going with other people.

Even at my job, I provide a very bad work. My colleagues see I am sad but they will never have a kind word for me, they're always rude and mad. I feel some of them want me to quit this job but I can't, I need this job.

These days, I was considering the option of maybe visiting a therapist. Speaking here with you all (for me it counts a lot because it's been a very long time since I spoke straight from my heart and stopped hiding my feelings!), helped me see my situation more clearly.
For those who read my first post on this thread, you know I'm terrified to see a psychologist because of my first very bad experince which made things even worse for me. My therapist was not on my side when I spoke to him (the person I was talking about was his friend and a lot of things were made behind my back) and I can't figure to put my trust once again on a therapist...
My job eats also all of my time during the week, so I am only free on weekends.
But I am wondering, how to get better without this outside help?

 

@BreakingTheHeartbeat Yes even if I keep of the internet my mind is full with Chester and his death. I woke up in the middle of the night sweating from a nightmare I can't even talk about. I did enjoy the latest ep of GoT this evening until I thought again he won't see this. Which just broke me down again.

 

I have been guilty of that but have a wonderful team and clinical lead who are ensuring I take care of myself. Thank you for your consideration

 

You know.....you've been on my mind after all the help you'e provided to people. I am glad you have people making sure you're taking care of YOU, too

 

@dreamerpoet that is so kind of you. I have people at work who care, maybe only so they can keep a therapist working perhaps. It's only there and here I get that though so thanks to all who take time to care for others. We are all hurting together and healing together

 

snipped the quote so I could focus on this. I think it boils down to this.......THIS is exactly what we're doing and I think in a way, we're carrying on Chester's legacy by doing so! (Plus, it's ALWAYS good to put a bit of kindness out in the world)

 

This morning I found out that my uncle, my mum's brother who she idolised and always cared for as he was her older brother, died in a car accident. It felt surreal because all I could think about was how my mum was feeling. My late uncle and I saw each other once a year and he always called me for my birthday but we live in different countries. My mum, on the other hand, felt very connected to him and now I'm really concerned about her as she has lost two brothers in a year and has a weak heart. Now I have to be strong for her while my life is falling apart. I feel like I've been surrounded by death for the past year: my uncle, my friend's dad, Chester and now my other uncle. Just when I feel happy again and smile walking down the road sth bad happens. Last year I had nightmares about losing my parents and hardly got over it. After Chester died my nightmares started again and now it will be worse. I tried so hard to look at the positive side of life after Chester died, it took me a lot of effort but I accepted he was gone, cried my soul out and although I still can't watch live shows and interviews, I am just sad but not crying anymore. I still believe he is gone, I think of him svery day but I made myself to be happy because life must continue. And now this happened. I feel like I'm stuck in life, like this is a punishment for being happy.

 

You are not being punished for anything. Unfortunately when we have some bad we naturally become more sensitive when more comes. Life still continues for us and we become stronger for it. Our brains have not evolved to manage all the inut we get and at times are hypervigilant to threat. It sounds as though this is what has happened to you. We all would benefit from reminding ourselves that it is not our fault that our brains work this way and it is no reflection on us as people or our mood/punishment for being a certain way

 

I don't feel responsible for these deaths but as though life doesn't want me to be happy. This year started excellent after all the shit that happened last year, I felt like I was reborn again. And then my friend's dad died and then Chester. Now it feels strange because I cried more when Chester died and it affected me so much that I'm still recuperating. It's not that my uncle's death didn't affect me but I think of my mum more than the fact that he died. I feel so empty that I don't have any more tears to cry. It's my mum's heart that worries me the most. I feel like I should cry but I don't have the strength, I feel drained. All these thoughts are getting into my head and I don't know how to stop them, feels like it's getting out of control. I'm thinking of going to talk to somebody, not that that person will give me techniques to get over this because I know that but I need somebody to listen to me. My best friend is great but she's also a family member and we're in this together. She can't be objective.

 

Maybe a counsellor would help. Or cognitive behavioural therapy as that can help you address the low mood and also help to deal with negative thoughts. I don't know where you are or what is available in your local area but look for someone who is accredited with a reputable body. Google the body, ask about training and check it out

 

I've been to cognitive bihevioural therapy before and iz helped me but that was when I lived in another city. Don't know who to choose now and if I have to go because I'm going back from holiday to my hometown tomorrow, be there for my mum and then, after the funeral, I'll see how I'll feel. I have to forget about myself these days, put all my feelings aside till next week.

 

I think this too because you can't handle this thing by forgetting your own pain and being strong for your mother you know? If you keep your own pain bottles up it will come back and you'll probably feel worse...
O and 3 years ago my grandpa and uncle died too and I couldn't cry, I wasn't even this sad but the thing with Chester ripped my heart out. We need to accept feelings

 

I personally prefer cognitive behavioural therapy, as I don't get on too well with anti-depressants. It is something that can really help if you go in with an open mind.

 

Therapy helped me a lot, just to deal with certain things and talk to somebody who doesn't know me. I was never to put on medication, talking helped at that moment.
It's hard to look at my mum like this sayjbg she'll survive somehow and that's why I'll put my feelings aside for a week and then start dealing with them.
In all this pain and as contradictory as it sounds but LP songs give me strength and watching videos.

 

Speaking is very important. I used to be much worse now than before. Have always made dense and talked not much. That was not good.

 

Hey, guys! So I am not dealing well.
I started listening to Linkin Park in 2008 after Minutes to Midnight came out. Of course, I've heard Numb and What I've Done before, but it all started with Leave Out All The Rest (which now playing in my room). I saw the video and I already was calling them my favourite band. It's the first band that I've started listening to. First album that I've heard is theirs (Minutes to Midnight).
They got me through my school years. They were there for me in my darkest times. I would always turn to their music whenever I had a breakdown. I don't think I would exist if not for them. I wouldn't be the same person.
I have never been to their concert. I never got to meet them. It was my dream to meet all of them and tell them how much I love you and how much they mean to me. I always loved Chester's voice more than anyone else's. I always thought of him as the strongest person I've ever known.
I still can't believe it. I can't believe it happened to my favourite band. Not Chester, not Linkin Park.
When in happened to Chris I thought that if it happens to Linkin Park I won't be able handle it. Then I quickly calm myself down by saying that it Chester is safe. I would never think he could do it. I never thought he was in that much pain. He was so alive. I don't think I will ever get over it.
When I saw the news, I broke down in tears. Then I couldn't even cry more. 3 days after I could cry again. I didn't want all these headlines, all these tweets and instagrams. I wanted him to be alive.
I think about him a lot. He is the first thing that comes to my mind in the morning.
I know that I should be strong, remember only good and celebrate his life, but it's so hard. I'm doing a bit better though. I don't know if someone else has it, but it's like when something really bad happens to me, I feel that pain in my heart. Like there's a giant stone in my heart. Literally, I feel that. It's getting lighter and lighter, but it's still there.

 

He is the first thing that comes to my mind too when I wake up. To be honest I think of him all the time, everyday, morning, afternoon, evening. Everytime. It still hurts so much. Sometimes harder and then again I can even smile because he was such a wonderful person. I guess it will get better someday. We will get through it. Even tho it's hard - togetherness we'll make it

 

@Masha I relate so hard. I think about him all the time too. The last 4 hours I kept of the internet and took a nap-giving my mind some rest. But as soon as I woke it started all over again. Earlier this day I saw a tribute video about him with bits of live shows and interviews. He was so alive and happy there and talking about his children. Brought me back to the point why did he do it? Why did it had to end like this? What the fuck happend on that day? What the hell happend in those hours that led him to do some so horrible and irrevocable? I wonder how his friends and family are who attended his funeral. I see some of them post stuff on instagram looking to move on and Mike Shinoda who posts on twitter. Are they like "well we buried him, said our goodbyes and now this chapter is over"? Do they suppress the thought of the circumstances of his death? At point when it happend they would have been told that he is dead because he killed himself. One day they see eachother, work, make plans and the next day his body is found hanging. How do you try to understand that? Or thinking about how unnecessary and pointless his death was. Cause the reason for it sucks big time.

The LP Community is celebrated him on twitter and holding together like a family and on one side I do think how awesome that is but on the otherside I hear all those stories of how amazing and perfect he was, all that he has done for so many people and scream in my head "so why is he gone?".

LP and especially Chester and his live was what got me to escape when life got hard. I got really invested in him. Following his life from afar through twitter and stuff. Admiring him, escaping into a fictional world, being grounded by the very fact that he is alive and let's us partake in it via social media. And now this has been taken away from me. I can't escape into little fantasies spurned on by news from him. For outsiders it's easy to say to just find someone else but this was it for me for years. And now what?

And all because he couldn't deal with the loss of Chris? One tiny moment and my world and the world of millions of others is into pieces. It's not fair.

 

How are we doing today soldiers?

 

Pretty sure it wasn't just Chris. More and more had come together