Just finished it today. Let me know what you think. Always in my Memory So, I was wondering... do you have a name? Did you know that you're the one to blame? Don't you know how you made me feel? Don't you know my wounds will never heal? Always in my memory, you will never leave. Always in my memory, too hard to believe. The things you did, the things you said are constantly playing in my head. The hurt, the lies, and the heart that dies will permanently damage the one who cries.
I like it but it only feels like an intro. It doesn't really seem to express much. I think it could be great if it was longer. It just doesn't seem to go anywhere and then it ends. so yer. I would like to see alot more added to it. But this is just my opinion. Keep it up.
yeah, i would have to agree with david. i think it is a really good start of something wonderful... could you add more cause i think it would work better with more added on to it?
Thank the both of you for such good advice. See, that's the problem with me. I can always start something good but can never seem to find the right words to finish it. See, I've had the first eight lines written for awhile now and just yesterday I decided to try and finish it. I came up with the last part: The hurt, the lies, and the heart that dies will permanently damage the one who cries. and thought those were the right words to finish it. But, from reading what you've written I can see that I was wrong. I guess I didn't really take much time reading it over, and now that I have, I can see what you mean. I'll try and work at it a bit more. Try to make it longer and with more expression. I have like 2 other unfinished poems that I haven't worked at either. Damn... lol.. well now that it's summer I have more time to do stuff. I'll work harder at my writing. Thanks again for all your advice. I appreciate it