Chester Bennington Support Thread - We're here for you

My mood still keeps changing rapidly, there are a few good days and then one really bad that ruins everything I've done for myself till then. Yesterday was one of those days when I couldn't keep still and wanted to be around people and alone at the same time. Still don't know when it will be better but I'm slowly getting better, one day at a time. Even though I don't post here much I still read everything and if there hasn't been for you and the guys I met at the memorial last weekend, this would've been much much harder.

 

Thanks for continuing to struggle and sharing it

For the past couple of days, I've been consciously staying away from my most favourite songs from them and just listening to their new album. Just very aware of the fact the songs might undo something. Other days i'm watching his interviews and LP's concerts.

Blargh. It just ended so abruptly and the way he left us- hurts more. I always thought that Mike & Chester would still be creating music for the rest of my days... perhaps it's a selfish thought but I thought their music would always be something I could look forward to.

We literally lost a voice that can't ever be replaced in our generation.

And it's okay to be upset about it. It's okay to be devastated and broken about it. Just keep struggling and keeping it real. We may have lost him to darkness and pain but he left us with something real and tangible in his voice and lyrics. I feel like he always smiled for his fans and imparted a little of himself in all of his music and we owe it to him to keep struggling and keep moving.

 

Late reply, but it sounds like you did a good job explaining, Hybrid. It's a really difficult conversation to have with a child.

Imagine Talinda having to explain to her children why daddy isn't coming back. It breaks my heart.

 

Not sure if this is going to upset anyone, so I apologize in advance if it does

I made the mistake of Googling LP yesterday- I was looking for a few pictures to save, that's all, but instead came across Samantha (Bennington? Olit?)'s Facebook post about Talinda and about Chester's memorial service. I was taken aback by how vicious and vindictive she sounded, and the amount of hate that emanated from that was really upsetting to see. It set my mood back by a LOT. Anyone have any tips for how to deal with it? It's pretty weird, I know.

 

Yes I got confronted with that too the last couple of days. Been on twitter and instagram supporting Talinda and offering her comfort and been talking to fans. That helped a lot. Go read on instagram what Ryan Shuck (therealrynsk) wrote about Talinda - that's calming.

 

Jared Leto pays Tribute to Chester:


Jared..a true friend

 

He said some lovely things about Chester

 

I read it too and thought it was sheer poison. Maybe she doesn't realise that her time with Chester was not the most helpful time of his life but Talinda tried so hard to make his life more meaningful and enjoyable

 

Made this thingy on my phone with a stylus.
Thought this was the best place for it.

 

Right. Had tears in my eyes when i see this.

 

@Supreme Overlord

I think I've said it else were on threads in here... that unfortunately ppl that suffer depression anxiety & these forms of mental illness become extreme proficient at disguising the illness for example making outside people believe that they are extremely happy when in fact when alone they are in the darkness of their own minds .. I know with some ppl in my life I can mask it well with others not so much.. but the latter actually know my history.. but there will come a time when I will be able to mask it from even them..
It's a sad fact but it's the reality of a sufferer...

 

@Supreme Overlord

I still whole heartedly believe it was 1 mega dark moment..

I will say I'm proud of my daughter who unfortunately also suffers depression stemming from bullying.. for her mature outlook on chester's passing... she's still like many fans heartbroken.. unable or unwilling to talk or listen to their music...
But she understands the devastating effects that mental illness has on people and the toll it takes.

 

It was very emotional and he gave Chester a proper memorial speech

This. People don't even notice how emotionally drained I am as I put on a mask of happiness and disguise my feelings so well. Yesterday I broke down in tears in front of my work colleague (and a good friend) but she thought it was because of stress at work. It's becoming harder to get out of bed in the morning and I hope it'll be better when I start working but it also worries me. I've managed to mentally prepare myself for work for the past seven years because it's hard to go back after 6 weeks holiday. This year- the thought of going to work makes me sick but for the outside world I'm perfectly happy.

 

Putting on that mask...

Well isn't it kind of an automatic thing?

Even though I am not depressed I definitely have days where I am going to work with the metro asking myself what I am actually doing with my life ... sometimes having maybe just a bad day ... sometimes being down for the things that are happening ... sometimes thinking about how it happened that I am on this planet earth (theoretically not biologically ) ... sometimes coming to the conclusion that this world as it is, is just not the right place for me

But however I feel in the morning the second I enter my office no one would ever guess my thoughts. And that is like a reflex I am not even thinking about.

@Doridorica I know it's not possible for everyone to do but if just thinking about going to work tomorrow would physically make me sick I would investigate to find all alternative options I could possibly think of that would make the situation just a little bit better just for yourself and check for every single one of them if there is a chance to implement it... (I know things are always easier said than done...)

 

I wonder why people even bother to chit chat and ask stupid fake questions like 'How are You?' when all they expect to hear is 'I am fine' and would just shrug off anything apart from it

 

@Joh Thanks for your reply I still hope work will ease my mind because working with children is a great experience and they make you laugh. It can also help me to make my brain think about sth else just for a few hours a day. I think my state of mind is like this because there's nothing else occupying my thoughts. We'll see next week but I really hope it will be better because this has been really hard and it's like I'm making two steps forward and three steps backwards.

 

So, I tried listening to a few songs... It's like the lyrics have no meaning anymore... I can't really explain what I felt. I cried listening to his voice, but the songs that were once my anchor feel so blank right now. It's like just listening to a melody and random words over it. And feeling this only made me cry more, 'cause I was desperately telling myself to get it together, "this is your favorite band, the meaning of the songs is what always helped you, they're not a blank message!," and the frustration just kept getting bigger and I had to stop listening to the songs.
I think I feel like this 'cause all those encouraging messages, in the end, didn't work for him, so I irrationally feel like they won't work for me either... I know everything is still so fresh, but I'm scared and I don't wanna feel this way...

Also, my psychologist is having some problems with her pregnancy and it's been a month since my last appointment with her... I have weekly appointments, being a month without them isn't helping at all, and I'm going through a really bad moment right now. It's possible that, if she doesn't get better, she will have to stay at home resting till the end of her pregnancy, which is in January. The thought of not having appointments with the only person that professionally really helps me right now for so long has been making me panic during the last few weeks. Sorry if this sounds selfish.