Chester Bennington Support Thread - We're here for you

Still doesn't feel real.
Nearly 3 months, crap!

 

So my grandpa passed away a couple days ago and his funeral will be held on october 27th... This day will be an emotional rollercoaster for sure.
My life has just gone down this dark spiral recently. Not just because of Chester but it surely is a part of it aswell. I don't want to become depressed again and I'm trying to stay positive but it's very hard atm. Can't these negative thoughts please just leave me now?

 

I've moved on from my sadness since before a month since Chester's death. I moved on far too much. I mean, I'm not just moving on from the sadness because of Chester's death, but I also moved on from Linkin Park. I'm not a big fan of them again anymore. I have another favourite band and I've liked this band for almost two months. But I'm sure if I still liked Linkin Park maybe I still couldn't move on. Linkin Park, I'm sorry for betraying you. But it's the only way I can move on. I promise I'll never forget you as one of the band I've ever loved.

 

@Memory123 , I’m sorry about your grandpa, hope you’ll find the strength to move on and live life like you deserve it, without negative thoughts.
Yesterday’s episode of Carpool brought back negative emotions again. I thought I was doing ok, not happy but ok. Today, I had no reason to get out of bed but had to due to work and I feel like crap. Negative thoughts and the feeling of hopelessness are always in the back of my mind but I manage to put them aside and appear happy. I wish someone would look closely and ask how I am, to have someone to talk to. I don’t need a psychologist, just a person to ask if I’m really ok. Everybody thinks I’m happy and if sth is wrong they always asume it’s work related. It is but I feel that I’m not ok and wonder when all this will stop.

 

I feel ya. My grandpa passed a few months ago...we found him in his room. It's been a traumatic few months so chesters passing didn't help so I completely understand where you are coming from.

 

I can't listen to the band either... I instantly start crying if I think about Chester. Had a huge breakdown a couple of nights ago. And I also end up beating myself up for not being able to listen to them and enjoy it, it's like I tell myself I'm failing at something. But you're not alone in this feeling, and we're here for you :')

I'm so sorry about your grandfather, sending so much love your way. We're here for you if you need anything, even if it's just to vent about something. *hugs*

The episode was a mix of smiling and crying. I managed to get through it, but it was so tough...
And I know it might not be the same as people asking you how you are in real life, but we're here to ask you that and to try to help. We will always be :') *hugs*


I haven't posted here in a while, but I'm always reading all of your posts. Like I said, I haven't been able to listen to the band and I'm like stuck in grief, and I beat myself up because of it. One of the main problems with my depression is how I compare myself to others and always feel like I'm not doing things right, or I see everyone progressing and I feel like I'll never get out of it. I know I shouldn't put that weight on my shoulders, but it's an automatic process for my brain... It just keeps telling me everyone is gonna get better, and I'll be in pain forever because I'm weak and can't find ways of dealing with pain... I wish I could turn my mind off :') I don't usually mention this too much because I don't want people to think I'm angry at them, because I'm not :')
I hope you're all holding up, I'm always here for all of you. Always <3

 

Almost three months and I still cry when I see video's of him or when I hear him sing certain songs. I still find it all so hard to believe and I'm still so heartbroken over the thought of what he did to himself. I just can't stand the thought of a beautiful man like that apparently thinking so badly of himself...

And to YoMarques: please don't beat yourself up over being stuck in grief. Trust me, there are lots of people out there feeling the same as you do. You're not alone in this. Also, if there's one thing you can take away from Chester's passing, it's that appearances aren't everything. It might seem like other people are doing good or great even, but that doesn't mean they actually are. Hope you feel better soon.

 

Nearly three months and not only does it partly still not feel real (though it sadly feels a little bit more real as time goes on) but I still don't think I'll ever be able to properly put into words what I'm feeling, what I have felt, what this band has meant to me.. I'm slightly concerned if it ever does come out, it'll be at a bad or wrong time, or in a bad or wrong way.

People have penned heartfelt letters, and part of me thinks that might help... but I also know I can't do that. It's a strange feeling that I can't describe where you feel like you could write a novel on the subject, and yet you can't get any words out. Like being frozen, stuck in your own head. You see and hear and feel the words in there, but they can't come out. I've felt like this since about an hour or two after hearing the news on July 20th.

 

Thank you so much for your words. I know appearances can be deceiving, I myself look like I'm okay on the outside, when I'm so heartbroken inside. I know others are hurting too, but my brain makes me go on a loop of "you're weaker, you won't overcome this." I've been trying to shut it off, and I promise I'll keep trying.

I know what you mean, I haven't been able to write a letter either. But I did find some comfort in coming here and writing what I felt, and seeing that others understand. So I hope that coming here and writing something for us to read will help you in some way

 

@YoMarques There’s really no reason to beat yourself up for not listening to LP music. Look at it as a time needed to heal as their music would probably bring you down. We all need time to process what had happened and this is your way of dealing with grief. It doesn’t mean you forgot them, neglected them or that you’ll never be able to listen to them again. It’s a way of self preservance and you need it to be able to function properly and heal your wounds. This was a nasty emotional blow and it’s understandable that you take any steps necessary to heal. So you’re not healed yet but it doesn’t mean you won’t be in a near future. Sometimes people who look the happiest are the ones who carry the most grief so don’t compare yourself to others, you never know how they are. People aren’t open about their sadness so there’s no reason for you to think there’s something wrong with you. You can’t rush the healing process and if you do, it won’t be good because it will catch up with you eventually. Take your time, go at your own pace and take steps you feel are necessary to heal. We’ll be here if you need to talk.
Thank you for asking how I am, I need that because my friends in rl are great but just don’t understand, this whole grief is stupid to them and whenever I bring up a subject of not feeling well since summer events they don’t say anything although they do know what happened in July.

 

Thank you so much. I'm trying to not put that extra weight on my shoulders, and remind myself it is okay to go at my own pace. I hope it didn't sound like I was mad at others for looking better. I know everyone is hurting, and I'm here for everyone.
And no need to thank me, we'll be here to understand when it feels like your irl friends won't. I know it's tough, so we will be here to try and help you

 

It's been now about a month since I reached out for help. This whole healing process is such a mess.

 

Sorry for not writing so much, but lately I'm getting worse and worse. I already have an appointment for a therapist.
I have written my life story. Maybe it helps someone to open:

 

Thanks for sharing that man, it takes a lot or of bravery to open up like that. I have suffered from social anxieties and struggle to talk about stuff so seeing people like you doing it is really inspiring.

 

Thanks for your nice words and reading it. Hope i can read your story in future when you're ready. All the best for you my friend.

 

I feel you bro. Be closer to your family, don't be afraid to share your feelings. and were here for you aswell!

 

Hi fam I’m still here, just needed to take some time off cos lately life was a bit stressful, we moved to another flat and so on.
Still hard to handle when I think about time passing... Almost 3 months and I remember when I came home from my mom’s on 20th of July and read the news on Twitter. I exactly remember how it felt as it was yesterday. When I think about that there’s still this emptiness inside. To be honest I’m glad that I can’t go to the memorial today cos seeing them and hearing them play without Chester just feels so wrong. I’m sorry for this and please don’t get me wrong but it’s just what I’m feeling. Anyways, it’s too far away and I’ve got no money, so doesn’t really matter what I’m saying.
Another 3 months and it’s half a year.. It’s incredible how time passes, isn’t it?
I do listen to LP although it hurts cos I wanna remember them as they always were. Tho it’ll never be the same. Chaz would’ve wanted me to, I’m sure. I’m thankful for all the time they were there with their music but I think I wouldn’t wanna listen to them without him. That’s just not LP to me, as harsh as it sounds. I hope not all people see it this way but it’s just what I feel. Hope everyone’s fine here today. And sorry for not being here such a long time. I pretty often thought of you.

 

So very sad still.....I was also a big fan of Chris cornell. ....can't quite get my head around what went on those last fateful moments in his house....

 

Hey guys. This morning one of my best Friends woke me up with a call. He told me they found his brother last night passed away. He hung himself. Please keep the Engelmann family in your prayers/thoughts whatever you believe in, itll all be very much appreciated.