Time to Erase the Memories The feelings became a part of me All the People of my past Their feelings never last What is wrong with me I find it hard to breathe The apologizes are fake Promises had to break I was replaced "She needed her space" "We should only be friends" And this is how it ends Broken down inside Why did she have to lie I was happy with my place Its seems I am now erased! yes i know i suck but i decided to post it anyway
With the first two lines Jacob, I don't know about you, but with my accent, "memories" and "me" don't rhyme, same with "erased" and "place". But if you don't make "memories" a plural, it does rhyme. I like it, other than those few hiccoups I encountered reading it, it seems to flow very well. It's short and snappy, and it grabs the audience's attention fast. Kudos to you!
ya actually i knew that but really didnt care after a certain point lol but thank you i do apperciate it
I feel like each line is too short to complete a thought. Maybe if you extended the thought to each line?
I personally found there was a lack of adjectives. Also, you chose poor breaks, imo. Maybe, if you reworded a few lines, here and there, it would be an easier read.