How are we holding up?

Discussion in 'Chester Bennington' started by Chris loves LP, Sep 6, 2017.

  1. #1
    Chris loves LP

    Chris loves LP Well-Known Member

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    It's been 1,5 months at this point so it had some time to sink in. How does everyone feel?

    As for me, I feel like I'm scarred for life. This band meant so much to me, and to see it end like this is just the most devastating thing I've been through so far. It's getting more tolerable as time passes, but I will never come to terms with this. It never crossed my mind that the story of Linkin Park could turn into a tragedy in a split second.

    I feel like a part of my identity just got destroyed. I’m a very ambitious person, but Chester’s suicide makes me question if anything is really worth anything. He had everything that society holds sacred, and it still wasn’t enough. This sends an awfully depressing message.

    Then there is the most obvious aspect, the music itself. We will never hear a new record with him. It feels like the end of history in some way. I was so excited every time they released a new record, I remember all the singles, all the details about where I was when I first heard them.

    Plus all the shows I’ve been at. They were mind blowing in a way that no other band’s shows were. It’s unthinkable that I will never see Chester jumping around on stage, and never hear those screams.

    And all of this happened out of fucking nowhere. It still feels shocking.

    It's also awful to see the LPA wither like this, so soon after what happened (it might improve when there are news, but still the site feels very abandoned right now).

    None of us deserved this.

    *sigh*
     
  2. #2
    kcg

    kcg Well-Known Member

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    I'm not holding up. I can't even say I'm not holding up well, I'm just not holding up, period. I never would've thought that the death of a celebrity would fuck me up so bad, but Chester was such a loving, beautiful, and inspirational human being, and to see him lose his battle with his demons and leave the world like this just too heartbreaking for me to bear. I haven't been able to go a single day since he killed himself without thinking about him and his tragic story. I've cried more in the last seven weeks than I did in the entirety of junior high when I was an emotional disaster.

    Ever since I got into Linkin Park, I looked at his story as one of a person who can go through the most horrifying experiences and still triumph in the face of unbeatable odds. I defined Linkin Park's music as the journey from climbing out of an inner hell to finding peace, but now I can't look at it that way anymore. All I see is the long dark road to an inevitable tragic ending. Same thing with Chris Cornell's music. The motivational message of one day you'll make it out of your situation, just keep fighting is no longer there.

    Like I said in a thread I started yesterday, I took the Linkin Park experience for granted when it was still going on thinking it would go on for many years to come and never took the time to connect with the fan community until this year, and I will regret it for the rest of my life. The same way I regret missing out on so many social opportunities in high school and college that would have given me something nice to look back on when I'm older. I used to get so irritated with the elitist mentality of this website, but now I deeply miss it, because it was so lively and enthusiastic for the future of the band and its members. I would do anything to bring Chester back if I could. I just wish his loved ones didn't allow him to be alone that tragic morning and someone could have been there and begged him PLEASE DON'T DO THIS! :cry:
     
  3. #3
    brady

    brady Gibs you ignorant slut LPA Super Member

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    Honestly, I've had a lot more lows in the past couple months than usual. His death isn't the only factor, but it sure as hell helps to drag me down. Knowing he isn't here anymore just hurts.
     
  4. #4
    Captain-EO

    Captain-EO Eh, Gibs Is Aight I Guess LPA Super Member

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    Very similar situation. It was literally Chester's death followed by continual shit happening consistently. I still haven't gotten over all the crap that happened a month ago yet.
     
  5. #5
    Joh

    Joh Active Member

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    Also very similar for me. A lot of things were going on the last couple of months that did cost me a lot of energy. Plus I got confronted with the fact that people around me were leaving this earth way too soon and I also lost an inspirational person I new personally some months ago. Here I was seriously struggeling the first time. But I was holding up somehow.

    But the death of Chester... since that day I am having way more lows than usual and I get too deep into my lows.

    I am trying to find some ups here and there between my downs but it has never been so hard before.

    I can absolutly relate to this and this is what makes it so hard to process. Sometimes I am just thinking "this world just doesn't make any sense anymore. A scenario where Chris and Chester are not surviving. It doesn't make sense to me"

    But on some days I read through all the threats and reading how people are supporting each other feels very uplifting and is healing ...

    He is so missed :(
     
  6. #6
    ZelesteBeauty

    ZelesteBeauty Well-Known Member

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    This year has been really tough and traumatic on me so chesters suicide did not help it at all :(
     
  7. #7
    iamsatan

    iamsatan Well-Known Member

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    8 weeks later, I'm still really bummed about the whole thing. It still feels surreal, a weird nightmare, even after attending a couple memorials sometimes I forget he really is gone, then I remember or see one of Talinda's tweets, and the immense sadness rushes in. I thought we'd be halfway through the US tour, and I'd be geeking out over setlists, watching fan clips on youtube, and praying for the best one for when I was supposed to see them at The Hollywood Bowl. But instead here we are with an uncertain future. LP albums and shows were always something I really really looked forward to even if I was in a life slump. Lurking around here and reddit has helped though but I don't think I'll ever really fully recover from this loss.
     
    kcg and Chris loves LP like this.
  8. #8
    Doridorica

    Doridorica Well-Known Member

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    I feel like everything has been going downhill since July 20. Some people noticed my mood changes and asked me what was wrong and after telling them they asked if sth else was wrong. It's like Chester's death is insignificant so I just stopped telling people how I feel and kept everything inside. I know it's because of that and with my uncle passing, my boss yelling at me and accusing me of sth I didn't do, fighting with my parents, additional stress at work (besides my stupid boss), my mood swings and feeling down from time to time, I feel like I've lost control over my life but don't know how to get it back. I can be fine and happy, laughing with my friends whole morning but it only takes a second for my mood to change and for me to become sad and want to cry. It's like neverending cycle of feeling better, stress, fighting, feeling sad and crying. The worst thing is that situation at work won't improve for a very long time, my living arrangements won't change, Chester won't come back and future doesn't look too bright.
     
    Last edited: Sep 17, 2017
    kcg likes this.
  9. #9
    ZelesteBeauty

    ZelesteBeauty Well-Known Member

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    I
    Feel ya! I found my grandpa dead this year and it was so traumatic for me. Just trying heal from it...chesters death didn't help the healing.
     
  10. #10
    Dannyc

    Dannyc Well-Known Member

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    It still affects me, man i miss chester, i knew what he was going through mentally the depression and anxiety, the panic attacks, the fear. I self medicate myself with Alcohol and Linkin park, just sit listen to HT, Meteora, and The hunting party, feel the inner turmoil, sadness, anger, pain, i know the demons Chester was fighting because i fight those demons too. Wish i could have met him and talked to him and thanked him
     

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