She struck her forehead, Then her stomach, Her left shoulder after, And with the last piece of energy she had, The blade slowly ran from the left shoulder, To the right one dripping blood all over her, Without pity to herself she stabbed her shoulder hard, She died with just one tear trickling down her cheek slowly, It wasn’t the physical pain, More like the emotions life had taken her through, She had red lips with cuts on them, Striking blue eyes, And pitch black hair, She wasn’t the ugly type at all, Life had taken her through the hardest moments, Lead a life without parents without anyone to love at all, She was ever so lonely, It killed her inside, She was just fourteen, A young soul, She was there lying on the floor, With her white dress, Turned red of all the smashing blood, Waiting for someone to come collect her body, And finally burn it, Her soul lived on, She was never free, She will never be… R&R reply please be honest
my opionion is i don't know. I read it and i feel the power but i don't know what to say about it. it leaves my thoughts twisted, and feeling the persons pain, ummm, really im speachless, i din't find it had the best flow, but i don't know, something about it. Don't change it, it is a piece of art. Keep it up
It's really good, but you need to work on the rhyme scheme. I'm feeling the poem, it's beautiful, really powerful.
actualy i agree with david. i think it sould be left as it is. it doen't have to rhyme and it may wast the powerful emotions if you try to rewrite it.
It's a twisted little piece, I like that it doesn't follow any set pattern, and at the end, you can't really say anything about it. The contrast of red and blue in the description of the girl contributes. The two create two different emotions, rage and sadness, and the black helps a bit as well. It's a big flurry. I like.
Well I do agree that the poem is a bit strange,and I feel that you were in two minds about things you have written in the poem while writing the poem(dunno just felt this way),but definetly it is a good poem,all I would like to say is you are a gifted poet,so keep writing such good stuff.keep it up.
It's amazing, so true. It isn't about the physical pain but the emotional pain. Interesting how she dies with the cross sign... I like the dark side of you too Reminds me so much of Korn, in a good way. Remember children, suicide is wrong...oh yeah, don't take drugs! [preaching/]