Derek your not missing out on much to be honest. I've never been that interested in LP'S remixes so I'm probably biased. Still got the CD though lol
I have an album that Derek DOESN'T? I need to find that time machine so I can get back to the normal timeline
It's funny because I don't even use CD's anymore. I have all the CDs and don't remember the last time I actually opened them and popped the disc in or looked at the booklets hahaha
Keys to the Kingdom Ever wondered what Robocop would sound like if he got his cybernetic cock stuck in a waffle iron? You have? Good, because that's exactly what Chester sounds like in the opening to this robo-metal dick smasher! (copyright: Tim) Packed with a more fucked up structure than Quasimodo's spine, Keys to the Kingdom is the kind of song that spreads its legs and fucks YOU. In multiple positions. Right in the ass. Mike singing. Chorus. Mike rapping. What the fuck, a breakdown and Mike harmonizing until the end as the track finally blows its waffle battered salty load right in your face. All for Nothing Look the fuck out, guys. Mike is angry. Angry as fuck. I think, I don't know but he's rapping about people saying things that they've fucking said before and we all know how much that made Chester angry back when he wore his grandma's curtains as trousers. Page Hamilton makes the most Lying From You sounding song on the album sound slightly different by singing about not doing what you demand. Chester pipes up to shout "you say!" during Page's lines like Robin backing up Batman in a fight in the late 60's TV series. I kind of wish Linkin Park demanded some guitars from the cunt though just to make this song stand out a bit more. Guilty All the Same Hold the fuck on to your asses, ladies and gentlemen. It's time for the hard shit. Spread those cheeks as you listen to a bunch of guitars take you on a journey that you won't give a fuck about once you've heard the rest of the album. Guilty All the Same makes you feel like a passed out 68 year old man, lying in the corner of a dusty rock venue drunk to fuck whilst a bunch of frat boys piss all over your lifeless body and ruin your favourite Genesis on Tour '74 denim vest... whilst you're attending an Iron Maiden with special guests Spineshank show in 2014. Rakim is like the motherfucker who comes in to fuck up the guys pissing on you just so he can take a massive shit on you as Iron Maiden play a song from their 2003 album Dance of Death. The Summoning Want to hear what it sounds like having Joe Hahn stumble to his kitchen in the middle of the night to grab a burrito whilst the sound of Chester Bennignton scratching his balls repeatedly echoes from his home studio monitors? You have?! Then stay the fuck tuned for this interlude which will undoubtedly make you summon the skip button on future listens. War Imagine Johnny Rotten giving dome to James Hetfield in the back of a garage band's touring van as it does 96mph in the wrong lane on the highway whilst the Ramones' latest single plays on the radio. Just fucking imagine that. Now have Chester hanging upside down on the windshield, naked and caked out on meth and you're 10% closer to what the fuck is going on in War. A fast paced, punk rock song that sounds like it was recorded via kazoo whilst necking Jack Daniels, War is undoubtedly the album's most fucking unexpected track. It's fun, fast, hard and the ending can only be described as Chester suicide diving off the windshield onto an oncoming train whilst knocking out the conductor with his cock mid-jump. Wastelands The Hunting Party's same old shit, different day song. So standard it fucking hurts, but still. Chester's chorus is kinda catchy and Mike mean mugs up the fucking verses so much that for a second you might actually think you're having a fight on the school field with that fat guy who ate your sandwich that one time. Still, it's good The Hunting Party gets rid of this generic shit at the start of the album and the good thing about Wastelands is that War probably inspired you to go and take cocaine so you'll probably miss it anyway. Until It's Gone Ever come to the conclusion that you don't know what you've got until it's gone? No? Well fuck that! By the end of this song that's all you'll know. Repeatedly. Another standard Linkin Park track that's about as carnivorous as the fucking baby from the TV show Dinosaurs. But hey, that baby was fucking cool so let's not drop a shit on this song just yet. Some catchy verses make you stick around and if you last until the end you get to hear Chester nail home the point that you don't know what you've got until it's gone again whilst he's taking a piss on an electric fence. Rebellion System of a Down just drove a fucking cement truck into Mike's home studio, but that's not cement in the back, no, it's a fucking spinning hole of death with Daron Malakian fapping his guitar shaped cock so hard it's ejaculating dynamite and rock-mechs who also happen to be playing guitar. Rebellion doesn't give a fuck about you or your political stance, it cares about fisting your ass with a pneumatic drill made of Rob's broken drumsticks whilst Chester tickles your balls with a cheese-grater. Some awesome Mike vocals round up this pit anthem and the only gun you'll be facing by the end is your own, and I'm talking about the one in your pants. You too ladies. Mark the Graves Time to take this album up a notch. Mark the Graves is as experimental as the band's haircuts back in the early days. Ever felt like everything is going to fucking shit in your life and there's nothing you can do but embrace it? Well, Mark the Graves knows that fucking feel, bro. A complete contrast in sound propels this song into a fuck off intro of guitar before breaking down into an ambient reflectiveness where Chester shows some of his best vocals on the album. The song jumps between hard and soft more times than my cock browsing the "big dick" section on PornHub. The song builds and builds until Chester is screaming the chorus like a shark is giving him the most toothy blowjob in existence, all whilst Brad rips up a face melter so fucking loud you'll use the pieces of Chester's fragmented bellend as ear muffs. Easily an album highlight for fans of the band's more creative work and an ending that will probably make you mark your pants more than any graves, this is going to be a favourite for many. Drawbar Fan of Rage Against the Machine? Tough shit. There's fuck all here but a bunch of piano keys and the sound of a microwave defrosting a frozen pizza in the background. Acts more as down time after the epic close to Mark the Graves, so it does the job, but if you wanted to hear Tom Morello rip up a badass riff, keep fucking walking. Final Masquerade If you didn't fall asleep during Drawbar you're welcomed with the album's inevitable slow / soft track. Sweeping guitars and arguably Chester's best vocal performance on The Hunting Party, Final Masquerade is that fucking tune you'll listen to as you walk to the nearest cliff-edge in the rain after your partner broke up with you. This 80's-esque power ballad will be the song you'll see people subtweeting lyrics from in response to their failed relationships. I shit you not, this even features a bridge with a guitar breakdown, which then slows down to have only Chester singing, before kicking back in again. Just like every other song about loving someone who doesn't love you ever made. A Line in the Sand Ever wanted to be sitting in a post apocalyptic bathroom as Mike drops a deuce and sings to himself? You have?! Well then, A Line in the Sand is for you! The album's closer doesn't fuck around right off the bat. You know shit is getting serious, and I ain't talking about the loaf Mike just pitched in stall 2. The epic feeling is here as the vocals reflect on everything we've heard in the album so far. It's the end, and we're experiencing it. Guitars fucking crash through the ceiling and keep on falling. Chester starts to harmonise with Mike in the second verse before he finally overpowers him and transitions to the chorus. That was pretty fucking cool. After Mike's wordplay on the bridge we are back to more crunching guitars of death that keep on going. I lost fucking count of the amount of times they changed up the guitar parts here. Brad rips out another solo as Chester screams to a finish on the Metallica-esque pounding wall of noise and then fuck, we're fading back in to Mike in the bathroom. He sings us out of the track as we're left in the wake of the destruction they just fucking smashed into our faces, and believe me, despite Mike logging it up on the shitter, this album is anything but that. The shit is a metaphor for the one you'll have in your pants after hearing this song close the album, and how you'll want to go back and listen to The Hunting Party again. Solid fucking stuff.
Ah sweet, I won a signed fan package from Sputnik.com for comparing LP unfavorably to Thrice a few years ago. I wonder if they found it.
Literally the best fucking thing i have ever fucking read in my entire life... wow that was some funny shit
We're in the VIP sec of the GA. I had the benefit of being an American Express member so our tickets were 70 dollars cheaper.